Total Drama Presents: The RidiChrislous Race
by Worma-Sir
Summary: 16 Teams of wacky individuals will compete in the biggest race around the globe hosted by Don, no wait, CHRIS!
1. Chapter 1: San FranChrisco

Hello everyone! It took me more time to kick this story off than I intended. Granted, it's a shift in style. The Ridonculous Race is a lot harder than Total Drama to write for. There's so much research that has to go into it. Locations, challenge ideas, country laws/traditions/customs/currency/languages. Distances, temperatures... it goes on. Nevertheless, I promised to start this and I did. I don't know if it will be as good as Pokerific but I'll try my best. Chapter one has its weak moments IMO but maybe it will get better.

A list of the characters can be found on my profile, right at the bottom. I'll give some info about the contestants at the end of this chapter.

 **Disclaimer:** I do not own Total Drama, the Amazing Race, or The Ridonculous Race. I only own the Teams.

* * *

 **Total Drama Presents: The RidiChrislous Race**

 **Chapter 1: San FranChrisco**

A camera turned on and directly in front of it was none other than Chris McLean.

"Konichiwa, Hola, Marhaba, and Greetings! This is Chris McLean, awesome host and expert challenge presenter, live, plus a few months probably, from San Francisco California! I am your new rockin host of the most epic, entertaining race around the world. You've known me from other epic shows such as Total Drama Island, Total Drama Revenge of the Island, Total Drama All-Stars, and every other show that had the words Total Drama." Chris addressed.

"Except this show's prequel which was a huge success." Someone off camera spoke." The one that had a new better looking host."

"THAT DID NOT HAPPEN!" Chris shouted before regaining his cool." And that, was Chef Hatchet, whom you also know from other Total Drama shows. He's here as the cameraman. Filming who you may ask? You've seen them over and over bring popcorn eating drama season after season, they keep coming back and having new fights with the same faces they grew to hate. That's why we're not bringing any of them back. We have 32 brand new faces and they come in pairs. This is the biggest cast we've ever had!"

"The prequel had…" Chef began.

"DID. NOT. HAPPEN!" Chris burst a nerve." 32 individuals, 16 teams. One winning team of a cash prize of one million dollars. Who are these aspiring new teams? Will they live up to the veterans who we've milked all the possible drama out of? And who will finish in first? Find out right now on "The RidiChrislous Race!"

"RidiChrislous? Dude." Chef shook his head.

(Cue theme song)

* * *

Chris was standing on the pavement in front of a busy street.

"We're here on north Veterans Boulevard where the teams are just about to arrive." Chris began.

A cab came to a halt in front of Chris and out came a man in a suit. He opened the other door and let out a woman. He was wearing black pants and jacket over a gray buttoned up vest and white shirt. He had a black tie on and black polished shoes. Fitted on his hands were white gloves. The woman was wearing a black dress with a frilly white apron tied around the waist. She had on white leggings and plain black sandals. Her hair was white and on top of it was a maid's hat.

"Greetings Master Chris." The man spoke in a deep baritone voice.

"Hello to you sir." The woman followed, in a gentle old voice.

"Niles, Martha! How does it feel to be off work for a while, and better yet, competing in a reality TV show?" Chris addressed.

"It is quite refreshing, might I admit, to be out and about, doing one's own for once." Martha admitted.

"Quite right, Master and Mrs. Levreth are off on business and the estate is set to have some renovations. We find ourselves in possession of a hefty amount of free time." The man revealed.

"Great, we're happy to have Master Levreth's generous, uh, help by, err, providing us with interesting contestants." Chris Smiled.

"Not that he helped fund the season or anything like that." Chef interrupted.

"No talking behind the camera!" Chris linned at him.

* * *

 **(Team Confessionals)**

 **Housekeeper and Butler**

 **Martha:** We made certain we arrived as early as possible, best if we were to be the first. It is customary for the help to pave the way for others.

 **Butler:** That does not mean however that we shall allow our adversaries to simply walk all over us. Tactful competition, that is what we call it.

 **Martha:** Oh yes, we would very much like to win, but manners are everything.

* * *

Next up, an ordinary black minivan parked up and out came two similar looking men. Both were dressed in casual attire. One was in a blue shirt, the other in a black one.

"Bob, Jim, the Neighbors! So whose car is that?" Chris asked.

"Heyo Chris." The one in black greeted.

"Hey Chris. That there is Jim's car. Mine is a blue one." The other, who was Bob said.

"How about this race huh? Away from the wives and kids and all?" Chris asked.

"Oh no no, no wives and kids for us. We're both bachelors." Jim corrected.

"That's right neighbor, living the good ole' single life. That's us." Bob added.

"That's right neighbor." Jim returned.

"You two could pass for twins you know." Chris noted.

"Is that so? Hm, I haven't noticed that, did you neighbor?" Bob rubbed his chin.

"Not really neighbor, I don't really see it." Jim replied, also rubbing his chin.

"I fail to see the resemblance as well." Niles joined.

"Okay then." Chris blinked.

* * *

 **(Team Confessionals)**

 **Neighbors**

 **Bob:** This show will be a good opportunity to go out and see the world.

 **Jim:** For free. Hehe.

 **Bob:** Haha. Good one neighbor. Although, we will have to run for pretty much the whole show.

 **Jim:** Still free.

 **Both:** Haha!

* * *

"Now on to some actual siblings. The Half Sisters!" Chris pointed as a car dropped off two teenage girls.

Both were redheads. One was in a red shirt and jeans. The other was in a wine red shirt and jeans as well.

"Hey, sisters, so whose parent dropped you off?" Chris asked.

"My dad." The one wearing red said." I'm Maya, and this is Mandy."

"A pleasure." Niles bowed.

"Would you like some tea? I always carry on a fresh batch of hot tea." Martha took out a travel mug and plastic cups.

"No thanks." Mandy raised an eyebrow." So are you with Chris' crew?"

"Hey do you have some decaf instead? Can we like, order from them Chris?" Maya asked.

"Uhh." Chris smiled in amusement.

"You are mistaken, we are here to compete in the race." Niles told.

"Ohhhh." They both went.

"Does that mean we can't order stuff?" Maya asked after a while.

* * *

 **(Team Confessionals)**

 **Half Sisters**

 **Mandy:** I think we made a pretty good impression. Especially considering the other racers are so old. There's no way we'll be losing to them.

 **Maya:** Those two were weird. Why are they dressed like servants if they're here to compete? Like, hello, misdirection much? How's a girl supposed to know?

* * *

A taxi pulled up and immediately Niles walked over to it, he opened the back door, letting out a man and a woman in hospital attire.

"Welcome, sir and madam." Niles bowed curtly.

"Niles, you're off duty you know, you don't have to keep up the butler act." Chris raised an eyebrow.

"Butlery is not a job, tis a lifestyle." Niles spoke deeply.

"Thank you." The pair said as the car drove away.

"Dr. Sherman and Nurse Judy. It's good to have you here." Chris addressed.

"Nurse, what's the situation?" Sherman asked.

"All clear Doctor. No injuries or illnesses to report." Judy replied.

Sherman proceeded to remove his health mask and white gloves. He shook hands with Chris.

"A pleasure." He said.

"It should be, hopefully this season will be the first injury free season, thanks to our very first Doctor and Nurse contestants." Chris smiled.

* * *

 **(Team Confessionals)**

 **Doctor and Nurse**

 **Sherman:** Did you sterilize this chamber Nurse?

 **Judy:** Yes doctor.

 **Sherman:** Good. You can never be too safe. Pathogens are always raging their vicious wars against people. We wish to have a fair competition and I will not accept a win due to other team injury.

* * *

The next duo to arrive were two teen guys in leather. They jumped out of the taxi and slid on their knees stringing their hands as if they had guitars. They shook their heads vigorously up and down. One of the guys had bright neon green hair, gelled up in a spikey formation. The other had smooth wavy hair dyed purple. Their faces had slight pale colorations, apparently makeup as their exposed arms were tanned.

"Niles, quick. They are having a seizure!" Martha worried.

"Nurse, med kit, stat!" Sherman put his gloves and mask back on.

"Woohoo! Can you feel the beat? That awesome rock rhythm?" The purple haired guy cheered.

"Rock on man, rock that street." The other one encouraged.

"Guys, guys, there will be lots of time to rock on. It's time to introduce yourselves." Chris intervened.

"Ah alright." The one with green hair said." I'm Rex and this is my brotha from another motha, Jake."

"Aww yeah!" Jake nodded furiously.

"Say, you were pretty deep in that act of yours. Don't you think it would be better to use real guitars?" Jim asked.

"What do you mean? They are real." Jake blinked at him.

"Aren't they the coolest?" Rex asked.

The others look at them funny.

"Idiots." Maya rolled her eyes.

"And that is an example of the effects of dropping an infant on its head. Take note Nurse." Sherman pointed out.

"Yes doctor." She took out a notebook and wrote down.

* * *

 **(Team Confessionals)**

 **Air guitarists**

 **Rex:** (He was rocking on his invisible guitar alongside Jake) Ber-deber-deber. I'm on fayaaa!

 **Jake:** This dude is on fayaaaaa!

* * *

Another car stopped and let out a kid who looked to be around 13. He had a lean frame and short hair. He was wearing a 'Tom and Jerry' shirt with shorts and sneakers. He had a smile as he stepped out.

"Hi! I'm An-Oof." He was pushed to the ground as another kid walked out of the cab.

In contrast, the other one looked bigger and more built in body structure, although he still had young looking features. He seemed to be 14 or 15 years old. He was wearing a black shirt that had the picture of a bawled fist pointing forward with stars around it. He had short spiky hair and a mean looking face.

"Out of the way loser." He scowled.

"Boys, let's try to get along, you are a team now." Chris told.

"Make me." The big one challenged childishly.

"It's not too late to pick another team." Chris rebutted.

"Sure, we can get along. We can be pals." The big one quickly pulled the smaller one by the back of his shirt and put a big arm around his neck tightly, almost suffocating him." Right, uh, what's your name kid?"

"Can't…breathe." He was turning purple.

* * *

 **(Team Confessionals)**

 **Bully and Geek**

 **Andy:** My name is Andy. We got to the show by luck, the school said they were taking audition tapes if anyone was interested, but the show would pick the winners. Somehow it ended up being Dirk and me. Dirk is the school bu…uh, popular kid.

 **Dirk:** That's right. They were stupid though because they put me with your scrawny loser butt. Whatever, I'll win on my own.

 **Andy** : (sigh)

* * *

A car parked next and the driver, a middle-aged man walked out. He walked to the back of the car and took out a wheelchair. Then he opened the backseat and helped carry an old woman onto the chair. He began to roll her towards the teams.

"Dude, we're gonna be competing against them? It's like taking tapioca from a granny." Rex nudged Jake.

"Ew, who likes tapioca?" Jake grimaced.

"Slow down, the wind is blowing my hair all wrong." The old woman whined.

"Bertha, I can't control the wind too." The man sighed.

"Hey, Malcolm, Bertha, how's it going?" Chris asked.

"Ask her." Malcolm mumbled.

"How do you think? He was driving too fast, the windows were shut, he hit every bump. It was terrible." Bertha complained.

"It's summer, I had the air conditioning on because you hate to sweat. I slowed down on the bumps you couldn't even feel them, and I was driving at 40. How is that fast?" Malcolm explained.

"Do you backtalk to Emily that way too?" Bertha glared.

"NO! Because your daughter actually likes me." Malcolm was exasperated.

"Ah it's good to see good family bonding." Chris snickered.

* * *

 **(Team Confessionals)**

 **Husband and Mother-In-Law**

 **Bertha:** This is already a disaster.

 **Malcolm:** I know. That's what I told Emily, but no, she wanted us to get closer to each other and thought a race competition would be a great opportunity for her mother and husband to get on better terms.

 **Bertha:** Don't blame my daughter for your mistakes.

 **Malcolm:** Ugh, this is going to be a painstakingly long competition.

* * *

All of a sudden, stage lights were lit and a low tune was played. Someone jumped out of nowhere. She was wearing a short stomach revealing black shirt and a mini white jacket on top of it over a short white skirt. She had long black gloves and shoes on. Her hair was waved in a long curved cascading tail and was colored pink. Another one jumped in, a man dressed in similar clothing, white pants and sleeved jacket and shirt instead. His hair fell down on the sides of his head to the top of his shoulders and it was dyed purple.

"Prepare for trouble, there's an incoming storm." She spoke.

"And make it double, we're breaking the norm." He followed up.

"To protect the world tour from devastation." She sang.

"To unite all teams within our nation." He added.

"To denounce the evils of first place and love." She walked forward.

"To extend our reach to the chill zone above." He said following her from the opposite side.

"Marley!" She stated.

"Ulrich!" He smiled.

"Team Cosplayers blast off at the speed of light." The girl posed.

"Forfeit now, or prepare to fight." The guy ended.

"Total Drama, that's right!" They both stood motionless.

The rest were staring at them blankly, wondering what the heck just happened. Andy burst into a sprint towards them.

"Oh my God! You two are so cool! That was the best Team Rocket impression I've seen, and I've been to a lot of Pokémon conventions!" He praised excitedly.

"Impression? Please. We're the real deal." The guy said with a condescending tone.

"Shoo twerp, we've got a race to win and teams to steal, I mean crush." The girl snobbishly said.

"Haha, geek got burned." Dirk pointed and laughed.

"So I assume you're Marley and Ulrich, will we be seeing a lot of cosplaying this season?" Chris asked.

"Maybe." James teased.

"Keep me in the game and I'll give my lovely audiences what they want." Jessie blew kisses to the camera.

"Us. Keep us." James corrected.

"Shut up James. Can't you see I'm on TV?" Jessie silenced.

* * *

 **(Team Confessionals)**

 **Cosplayers**

 **Ulrich:** We may be cosplaying, but we will never get out of character. Except in these petty confessionals. Apparently it's in the contract, otherwise we have to go by our cosplay names.

 **Marley:** And considering we never stick to one impersonation, we'd have to do the paperwork of changing our names every time we make a different portrayal.

 **Ulrich:** That's why we decided to keep our mundane identity-less names instead.

* * *

A deafening noise took everyone's attention off of the Cosplayers. It sounded like an explosion. It was coming from further down the street. When they looked, they couldn't believe what they saw. It was an old looking ship, rowing across the street.

"A ship in the middle of a busy street? You don't see such wonders in England." Niles spoke.

The ship rowed quickly and efficiently, considering there was no water. It made its way to the teams and stopped. A long plank was lain diagonally from the ship's edge to the pavement. Someone then jumped on it and slid down. He was dressed in a an authentic pirate costume from top to bottom, including the eyepatch, the steel hook, the peg leg and the black hat with a skull and crossbones logo on it.

"Arrr! Land a ho!" He spoke in a rough voice. He looked young though, under the facial blemishing.

"Who you callin a hoe?" Mandy put her hands on her hips.

"Probably you." Maya teased.

"Your mom's a hoe." Mandy snapped.

"WE HAVE THE SAME MOTHER!" Maya shouted.

"Oh, right, then your dad's the hoe." Mandy altered.

Maya gasped." You didn't."

"I did." Mandy linned.

"Arrr, mutiny among the ranks. Unacceptable." The pirate took out a sword.

"COOL!" Andy marveled.

"Woah! No sharp objects allowed." Chris stepped in." You know that Roscoe."

"Fine. How bout this?" He sheathed his sword and instead took out a pistol.

The teams scattered behind the cars. Chris cowered behind Chef.

"NO WEAPONS! PERIOD!" Chris shouted frantically.

"It's okay, it's okay! They're not real." Came a voice behind the pirate.

Another teen had slid down the plank. He wasn't dressed as outrageously as the other but he still had the rag-strewn clothes of a sailor and the wild messy hair.

"They're fake." He grabbed the pistol and fired, releasing a jet of water." See."

The teams slowly emerged, Chris remained hidden.

"What about the sword?" He asked.

"A prop." The sane one said.

"Arrr, only until next year, when I turn 18 and become a legally licensed pirate and firearm owner." The pirate rubbed the back of his head." And I do have me own sword but I keep it in me cabin on the ship. It cuts me hip when I carry it around."

"Cuts can become infected easily. Make sure you always have a medical kit on board." Dr. Sherman said.

* * *

 **(Team Confessionals)**

 **Pirate and First Mate**

 **Roscoe:** Arr, a new adventure is beginning. Opportunities of plundering and treasure seeking await. We're gonna be rich Carl.

 **Carl:** Uh yeah cap'n, we sure will.

* * *

A black car parked behind the big ship and out came two formally dressed women. One was a blonde, the other a brunette. They were carrying a stack of papers and files.

"Hello Chris, it is good to finally meet you. I'm Linda, and this is my senior associate Carol." The brunette shook his hand.

"You're infamous for the many lawsuits involving you." The blonde eyed him.

"Heh, yeah, you could say that. So, you two got approved afterall. I don't know why the producers would think it a good idea to host two lawyers as contestants but here you are. Hopefully that means you won't be considering suing the show, since you're on it." Chris warily asked.

"Will there be a reason to sue?" Carol asked.

"Of course not! We're the cleanest most lawful show ever!" Chris laughed nervously.

"Mhm." They looked at each other.

"Damn neighbor, that's some perty lookin mama." Bob leaned in and whispered.

"You can say that again neighbor." Jim agreed.

"Good thing there's two of em. So we don't end up liking the same one eh neighbor?" Bob nudged him smiling.

"Right, we don't want a repeat of past mistakes do we neighbor." Jim reminded.

"No we don't neighbor." Bob nodded.

* * *

 **(Team Confessionals)**

 **Lawyers**

 **Carol:** We're well aware that Chris has been incarcerated at one point and spent some jail time.

 **Linda:** But we also believe people can change. Chris doesn't seem that bad on the surface of it.

 **Carol:** Which is why we'll have to crack him and see what he's like. We are here to make sure the race abides by the law to the full extent.

 **Linda:** And of course to compete. The firm is facing some financial troubles and we need all the assets we can get.

* * *

The teams waited for the next car but instead the team dropped in by other means, literally. Two skydivers glided from the sky and dropped close by. They unhooked their parachutes and took off their protective gear. One of them was a blond haired guy, the other a brunette girl.

"Woo! That was wild!" The girl breathed.

"Heck yeah! Let's do it again." The guy added.

"I would advise against that. Skydiving is a highly risky sport and in many cases fatal." Dr. Sherman cautioned." Especially considering this is no open space. Collision with a building is inevitable and so will your fatality be."

"Or, don't because you know, we're about to start and you guys would lose already because of the time wasted." Chris added." Come here and introduce yourselves."

"Aight, name's Troy, and this is my gal Alexis. We're big time thrill seekers." The guy stepped up smiling.

"Horror movies are lame." Mandy commented.

"Idiot." Her sister rolled her eyes.

"We love the adrenaline rush you get whenever you do something you know could kill you in so many ways. It's what makes us feel alive!" Alexis spoke with a flame in her eyes.

"Aye lassie, I know what ye be talkin aboat. There be nothin that brings more joy to a pirate's heart than the adventure." Roscoe waved his hook.

"Well it's a good thing we made you sign that extra statement claiming if any injury or worse, death occurs to either of you during your participation in the show, we will not be held liable in any way." Chris smirked.

"We request copies of that statement. We will be examining them for any illegalities." Linda butted in.

"Have at it." Chris shrugged.

* * *

 **(Team Confessionals)**

 **Adrenaline Junkies**

 **Troy:** This is gonna be sick! Total Drama is all about danger and thrills, we're gonna have the best time ever.

 **Alexis:** And no one's gonna beat us. We're not afraid of anything!

* * *

The teams quickly found out that the means of transportation were getting less conventional by the arrival. The next team approached on a mule and wagon. Two brown skinned plump women got off. They were dressed in drab desert attire.

"Arr, desert tribes, a pirate's worst enemy." Roscoe glared at them.

"Are they? I didn't know that. I thought I knew a lot about pirates." Andy asked.

"Think about it lad, a pirate's domain be the sea, deserts are out of ourrr reach." Roscoe noted.

"Greetings children, ahh so young and inspired." One of the women spoke. This one had dark brown hair that cascaded behind her, atop it was a circular hat.

"Please, Bertha could be your mother." Malcolm rolled his eyes.

Bertha used a short cane to bop his head. He rubbed it with a pout.

"Letisha and, Um, I forgot your name. They weren't exactly the most common." Chris welcomed.

"Leticia sonny, Leteeseeya. Get that dear? I would hate to poison you." The other woman said, she had white hair made into a bundle on top of her head.

"Gunhilda. And it is not as uncommon as one would think, among my tribe it is the fourth most common." The first one added.

"Whatever, Gypsies! How was your ride?" He ignored.

"It was illuminating, I got visions of the future, mysterious omens for 30 poor souls." Gunhilda said.

"And I concocted some fresh tonics. They should come in handy in this battle of wits called a competition." Leticia smiled mysteriously.

"Uhh, okay, I'm just gonna go over there." Chris backed away.

* * *

 **(Team Confessionals)**

 **Gypsies**

 **Gunhilda:** We are here simply because we seek riches. The desert is a harsh place to live in.

 **Leticia:** That is why we will pose a tough challenge for the others. We have nothing to lose, but so much to gain. We came prepared with our wits, desire, and an endless supply of mysterious tricks their simple minds cannot withstand, let alone comprehend.

 **Gunhilda:** I am getting a premonition, success, yes, success is in our near future. Leticia, your skills are required in this one.

 **Leticia:** It would be my pleasure old friend.

* * *

 **(Team Confessionals)**

 **Neighbors**

 **Bob:** Damn neighbor, those two sure gave me the chills.

 **Jim:** You read my mind neighbor. And I think that brown haired one read it too.

 **Bob:** *Shudders* Let's change the subject into something more enjoyable, like that lawyer woman. She was smokin!

 **Jim:** That she was neighbor, we're gonna need to impress them though. Successful ladies like them aren't going to give us the time of day without reason.

 **Bob:** Right, that's why we need to win the first challenge. That'll impress em.

* * *

Next came a cab. It stopped in front of the others, but no one went out. Through the window, the backseat passengers remained in their place, looking down. The cab turned to them and waited. Niles quickly went to them and opened the door, bowing. Still no one got out. There were two teenage girls sitting next to each other, clicking away at their phones.

"Get outta here!" The cab shouted.

"Like relax old man, can't you see we're on the phone?" One of them said without looking up.

"Chyeah, we're busy." The other one spoke.

"Ladies, there's free Wi-Fi over here." Chris called.

The girls both looked up excitedly and jumped out of the cab. They were both brunettes with short skirts and tank-tops. They both had gold watches on their wrists and several rings on their fingers, with black loop rings on their thumbs. One of them had a golden anklet. The other was wearing a gold necklace.

"Password please." Said the one with the necklace.

"Not until we get a proper introduction." Chris denied.

"No fair Curt." She whined.

"It's Chris." He stared with a bored expression.

"I'm Sarah, she's Jessica. Password man?" The one with the anklet rushed.

"Gosh, they're so annoying. Have you met anyone so annoying?" Mandy complained.

"I have actually." James said, looking at her.

"Good enough for me." Chris shrugged.

Jessica clicked some buttons on her phone.

"Nope, it says it's too long. You sure that's the pass?" Jessica asked.

The contestants facepalmed.

"Hey girls, I lied, we don't have Wi-Fi." Chris snickered.

"Big deal, we got 3G to last us a year." Sarah said as she went back to clicking away.

* * *

 **(Team Confessionals)**

 **Phone Addicts**

 **Sarah:** El Oh El! Clemont was so dumb. He thought he had us.

 **Jessica:** Eeyeah, any decent phone user never goes out without having 3G. Duh!

* * *

After that uneventful introduction, another cab stopped by. Out came a woman in a raggedy dark gray dress and frizzy spindly gray hair. She was holding onto a black cat.

"Aww, cute kitty!" Jake went.

He received weird looks.

"What? I like cats." He shrugged.

"Where's your teammate?" Carol asked.

"What're ya blind? You're starin right at him." The woman spoke in a raspy voice." This is Mr. McFluff."

"A shortage of human contestants that you would use a cat?" Linda turned to Chris.

"We're going to look into this in the show's rules." Carol took out a recorder and noted to herself.

"Knock yourselves out." Chris ignored them." So Helen, Mr. McFluff, do you feel you make a good team?"

"Mr. McFluff has many talents and skills. We do make a good team, you'll see sonny, or do you doubt like everyone else?" She asked frowning.

"You're here aren't you, you must have skills if you're here." Chris answered.

"We weren't selected for our skills." Malcolm pointed out.

"Shh! Chris silenced.

* * *

 **(Team Confessionals)**

 **Cat Lady and Cat**

 **Helen:** They're foreclosing our house so we must win. We can't let anyone take our house from us McFluff. They won't take our stuff.

 **McFluff** :(McFluff almost nods)

* * *

 **(Team Confessionals)**

 **Gypsies**

 **Leticia:** Have you appraised the skill in the others yet?

 **Gunhilda:** The two boys with plastered ebony faces and unruly hair have next to no chance, the technology worshipping girls will walk into quick sand without knowing it and the pretentious servants shall never come in first out of their own flawed inferior natures.

 **Leticia:** Ah it is good to see your third eye deciphering the competition for us. So you believe there is no threat to us?

 **Gunhilda:** Yes, I believe so. They foolishly wear their weaknesses on their sleeves just in reach of us. Hehehe.

 **Leticia:** Wonderful!

* * *

Another cab showed up. It dropped off a woman in her early 20s with her brown hair in a ponytail. She was carrying a couple of bags. With her was a young boy. He rushed past her all the way to the parked ship.

"Woah! A Pirate ship! I wanna go on it!" He jumped up the ladder leading to the ship.

"Billy! Come back here!" The woman yelled as she set down her bags near Chris.

"Oy! Get down from there kid, I uh, mean, lad." Carl shouted, adjusting his accent.

"Arr, leave him be Carl, we're short on crew, and there ain't nothing be better than enthusiastic beginner buccaneers." Roscoe placated.

"So, Annie the nanny, how much are you getting paid to keep the runt entertained while his parents are off on some business trip?" Chris smirked.

"Not enough." She took a deep breath.

"Boys will be boys, I mean how bad could Billy be?" Chris asked with a shrug.

"Hey cool! Look at all this stuff! Gold cups, weird treasure maps, red candles." Billy sounded like he was rummaging through stuff.

"Blimey! Those aren't candles. Those be explosives." Roscoe corrected.

"Hey a matchbox!" Billy called out.

"BILLY!" Annie shouted.

"Light em up up up!" Rex called out as he strung his nonexistent guitar.

* * *

 **(Team Confessionals)**

 **Kid and Nanny**

 **Annie:** (She glares at Billy).

 **Billy:** What? I didn't light the rest of them. I was being responsible.

 **Annie:** First you're gonna say sorry to the nice pirate boys for leaving a big hole in their ship, then you're going to promise to never touch a box of matches or anything with a long string again do you understand me Billy?

 **Billy:** (He pouts) Hmph, make me!

 **Annie:** Mommy said that if you misbehave we go back to the tour of grandfather clock museums. Would you like that?

 **Billy:** No please! Anything but that! I'll be a good boy from now on.

* * *

 **(Team Confessionals)**

 **Doctor and Nurse**

 **Sherman:** I think our med kit won't be enough for the season. We're going to have to be extra vigilant to heal all the possible patients.

 **Judy:** Yes doctor.

 **Sherman:** Maybe even bring a defibrillator with us.

 **Judy** : …but.

 **Sherman:** Will that be a problem nurse?

 **Judy:** No, doctor.

 **Sherman:** Good, I'm sure Chris can provide us with one. Try not to break it while we're racing.

 **Judy** :Yes doctor.

* * *

As Carl got up to repair the big gaping hole in the ship, a final team was arriving. It was a particularly small car. It rushed down the street in winding motions and honking a whacky loud horn. It stopped in front of the contestants. As soon as the doors opened, a bunch of balloons flew upwards and a loud trumpet was played as a rolled up purple carpet was unwound down the doors. A clown came out on a unicycle and immediately started juggling five pans of pie. From the passenger side, a woman in black and white striped shirt, black pants, white gloves and a white powdered face started cartwheeling towards the others till she made as though she hit an invisible wall. She rubbed her head mockingly before feeling up the wall until she found a knob and turned it. She walked through it and then closed it again. The clown stopped in front of Billy and then stopped the juggling and caught four of the five pies. The fifth one fell on top of Billy, covering him with the white and yellow filling. The clown then squeezed his big red nose twice. Billy angrily kicked the unicycle and the clown fell hard.

"Ooowwww." He wailed loudly.

"Ha ha! He's a bigger wuss than my teammate" Dirk laughed.

The woman dressed as a mime walked up to Maya and Mandy and extended her arm forcefully. She raised the other arm and tried to lower it down before making as though both arms were fighting each other. The girls looked at her bored.

"I think she's possessed." Maya said.

"Nah, she's probably got some disease." Mandy argued.

"Ew! What if it's contagious?" She backed off.

"Uhh, get away you freak!" Maya backed off as well.

The mime looked at them in shock and tried to calm them down.

"Well this is a disaster, for you guys. For me, I find it hilarious." Chris walked up to them." Hilbert and Sally, about time you guys showed up."

"Well you know what they say, first impressions are everything." The clown got up and dusted himself off.

"And yours was embarrassing." James spoke.

"I think they're cool." Jake shrugged." Live the dream homies!"

* * *

 **(Team Confessionals)**

 **Clown and Mime**

 **Hilbert:** Well that sucked.

 **Sally:** I told you a hundred times not to throw pies at people and you always get the same reaction.

 **Hilbert:** Yeah well they don't have a sense of humor. It's not like they were particularly impressed with your mime act.

 **Sally:** Just gotta find the right audience.

 **Hilbert:** Tell me how that goes.

* * *

"Now that you're all here, allow me to explain how the challenges will work." Chris began." You will of course be racing around the world and visiting many countries. In these countries you will have mini challenges that you must complete. They will come in four types. A 'Botch Or Watch' is a challenge where one of the pair only gets to perform a certain task while the other gets to watch. An 'Either Or' is a task where you are given two choices between challenges, most often of different skill requirements, you'd have to choose which one to do. An 'All In' is a task where both partners must participate in the challenge. Finally, the 'Super Team' is a challenge where a varied number of teams must work together in a challenge. That last one should be good for the ratings don't you think?"

"What was that sonny? I was adjusting my hearing aid." Bertha said.

"Malcolm can explain it all to you later won't you Malcolm?" Chris grinned.

"And who's gonna explain it to him? He's one of them retards." Bertha objected.

"Bertha! I'm not retarded. And you know we don't say that word. We call them special needs now." Malcolm berated.

"There's nothing special about your needs. Just another man looking to seduce an innocent girl, like my daughter." She criticized.

"Oh snap!" Mandy watched.

"Actually, _she_ asked _me_ out." Malcolm stuck it to her.

"Burn!" Maya commented.

Chris sounded a loud horn to shut them up.

"As I was saying." He frowned." You'll be racing on until you get to the 'Chill Zone' which will be your final destination. Get to it before any other team and you should be safe for the next challenge."

"That's my zone!" Jake rocked his head.

A cellphone started ringing.

"Hello!" Jessica answered." Oh mygosh, right? I'm like totally a celebrity now. I'm gonna be hanging with Rihanna, Emma Watson, oh oh, and I'm gonna meet Justin Bieber! YEEE!"

"Ehem!" Chris frowned with his hands on his hips.

"Gotta go, there's like this major race going on. TTYL honey." Jessica hung up.

"Aren't cellphones breaking the rules or something?" Maya whined.

"Nu-uh." Sarah mocked.

"Is too." Mandy replied.

"No way." Jessica butted in.

"LADIES!" Chris silenced." Scattered along the track are 'Chris Cubicles' from which you get your directions for the next task. Your first one is just up ahead. I'll meet you all there!"

"Chris Cubicles just doesn't seem to sound right." Annie pointed out.

"Right? I don't know, I think, hmm, box would sound better." Jim noted." Don't you think neighbor?"

"Do you mean like 'Don Box'?" Chef snickered.

"A PENALTY for anyone who complains about that again!" Chris roared.

"Penalty?" Andy asked.

"Yeah stupid, soccer penalty. You wouldn't know about that because you're a geek." Dirk said as a matter of fact.

"No, a penalty is when you break the rules in a challenge, or when you don't follow the instructions right. You'll have to wait a certain amount of time before you are allowed to enter the Chill Zone. It might even cost you the game!" Chris warned.

"You would know all about breaking the rules wouldn't you Chris?" Linda raised an eyebrow.

"Okay, it's not even halfway through episode one and I'm already annoyed by you lot. This is going to be a really lousy season. Go go go!" Chris groaned.

The teams quickly dashed off towards the bridge.

* * *

 **(Team Confessionals)**

 **Adrenaline Junkies**

 **Troy:** Alright! Finally we're in this race already. No more yappin, time to start flappin. We're gonna win this race.

 **Alexis:** And no one's gonna stop us!

* * *

 **(Team Confessionals)**

 **Phone Addicts**

 **Jessica:** Did you see how jealous those lame-o's were?

 **Sarah:** Like, oh my gosh, I was thinking the same thing.

 **Jessica:** We totally have to watch our backs from those vultures. They want our babies. Our sweet little babies. (she takes out her phone and starts cooing to it)

* * *

The first to reach the bridge were the Adrenaline Junkies. They found a Chris-shaped rectangular pedestal that had a big button on top. Alexis pressed it and out came a ticket.

"It's an Either Or." Alexis said as she read." Clowning around?"

"Clowning around." Chris began his explanation to the camera." In this challenge, teams will choose between climbing down to the underside of the bridge where they will cross using monkey bars or climbing over the bridge and unicycling over the wire. If contestants fall to the nets below them, they'll have to go back to the start and do it again. Definitely not the Acrophobe's best challenge."

Troy and Alexis looked at each other and smiled broadly.

"Unicycling!" They both shouted.

Right behind them were Pirate and First Mate as well as the Clown and Mime.

"Arrr, it be hanging time Carl. Follow me." Roscoe led the way.

"Hey, the task is called Clowning around. It must be my lucky day." Hilbert smiled as he read the card.

"Or, they're making fun of you, as usual." Sally pointed out.

"Shut up, you're supposed to be a mime." Hilbert frowned." Anyway, unicycling is easy, up we go."

Four other teams were on their tail.

"I wanna go on the monkey bars!" Billy chants.

"Oh no you don't mister, our arms won't hold. It will be a lot safer to go over it." Annie grabbed his hand and began climbing.

"Aww dude, we can't go on the monkey bars. Our guitars will make it hard for us to use our hands, we gotta go up too." Rex told.

"Good idea bro! We can't mess up these awesome digs." Jake nodded.

"I don't get it." Andy shrugged as he watched their exchange.

"Idiot, air guitar playing is a serious job. You're just too much of a geek to know that." Dirk jabbed him with a finger." We're gonna go under. Your arms better keep your scrawny little body up, even if they do look like string beans."

"Okay sheesh." Andy whined as he followed him down.

"Mmm, James quick, we need to follow those thrill addicts and sabotage them. They're the biggest threat." Whispered Jessie.

"So we gotta go over? Why do I feel like this is gonna hurt?" James asked, looking worried.

"Quit your whining and start climbing, that first place is mine, all mine!" Jessie grinned menacingly.

* * *

 **(Team Confessionals)**

 **Cosplayers**

 **Marley:** Not only do we have the outfits and the character knowledge to pull off almost anyone, but we've trained for anything we can think of to match.

 **Ulrich:** I know we trained for all sorts of physical and mental challenges but unicycling on a thin rope over the Golden Gate Bridge is definitely more advanced than riding a bicycle downhill.

 **Marley:** If a ten year old kid with his nanny can do it then so can we.

* * *

When the Adrenaline Junkies got to the top, they found a bunch of unicycles. Chris flew by using his jetpack and told them they had to only take one.

"No problem!" Alexis smiled." Ready babe?"

"Ready!" Troy replied.

They both made a flip forwards and landed on the unicycle. Each of them had one foot on one of the pedals and the other on the seat. They held each other by a hand and hence each was pulling the other from falling to the side. This helped balance the unicycle in the middle and kept it going. As Alexis' foot pushed down on the pedal, Troy's went up and vice versa, propelling the unicycle forwards. When the Clown and Mime arrived, their jaws hung open as they saw the spectacle.

"If I were you, I'd start cycling. You're not beating them by standing there." Chris alerted.

"Well there's no way we're doing that so you better sit in my lap." Hilbert said.

Sally gasped in silence and started shouting mutely at him.

"Okay fine, you can ride my shoulder." He gave in.

As they got into position, their unicycle was wobbling. Sally had a strong grip on Hilbert's head, over his eyes so he couldn't see.

"I can't see. Your hands!" He cried.

It was too late, the unicycle swayed sideways and they both fell down onto the protective net.

"Oops." Sally smiled nervously.

"Do me a favor and lock yourself in an invisible box or something." Hilbert raged.

* * *

 **(Team Confessionals)**

 **Clown and Mime**

 **Sally:** It was your idea to go unicycling because you keep on bragging that you're a clown and that's your thing. Don't be mad at me because you suck.

 **Hilbert:** I suck? What about you? You need to actually know how to do something to suck at it.

 **Sally:** (Gasp) Miming is a real talent.

 **Hilbert:** Sure honey.

 **Sally:** Oh yeah? Well anyone can be a clown.

 **Hilbert:** And anyone can dress in black and put white makeup. They're called emos.

 **Sally:** Still better than a clown.

* * *

The Neighbors and the Lawyers arrived at the start of the bridge as well.

"After you ladies." Jim spoke.

"Yeah, after you." Bob joined.

"Thank you gentlemen." Linda thanked as she and Carol chose to go down the bridge.

Both of the men seemed very pleased as they followed them. The Half-Sisters and the Phone Addicts followed.

"Out of the way losers." Mandy pushed through.

"Ugh, like, chillax mamasita." Jessica spoke.

"Chyeah, who got up in your orange face?" Sarah dissed.

"Mandy, stop fighting with everyone and focus." Maya ignored the two.

"Yeah, listen to your ugly step-sister." Sarah cocked her head and snapped her fingers.

"Oh you're going down." Maya stepped forward.

"Actually, we're going up. See ya morons later." Jessica climbed.

Mandy made to follow them but Maya grabbed her arm.

"There's no way I'm getting on a unicycle. Leave them." She said.

* * *

 **(Team Confessionals)**

 **Half Sisters**

 **Maya:** We really should stop fighting with those two. People are gonna think we're mean.

 **Mandy:** But look at them, with their fancy phones and their fancy hair and their fancy watches.

 **Maya:** Don't care, all I care about is that race.

* * *

The last five teams were approaching.

"May I madame?" Niles allowed Helen and McFluff to pass.

They chose to go down the bridge.

"Thank you child." Gunhilda thanked as she too passed by with Leticia.

"Nurse, stretch your biceps, we have swinging to do." Sherman said.

"Yes doctor." Judy obeyed.

"Niles, we have to get going already." Martha urged.

"Just one more Martha." Niles said.

"But we cannot. We will lose." She warned him.

"I suppose you are right." Niles caved and they both started climbing upwards.

The last to arrive were the Husband and Mother-In-Law as Malcolm had to re-explain the things she missed.

"Well crap, there's no way to take your wheelchair with us." He said as he started to panic.

"Settle down." She calmed.

"We're finished. We haven't even started and we're already out of the race. I knew this was a bad idea." He paced.

"Dammit I said settle down." Bertha was standing up.

"What? Y-you can walk?" Malcolm was gob smacked." All this time you could walk?"

"Yeah yeah, but it was easier to have you roll me around." She brushed off.

"You're despicable." He crossed his arms.

"Are you gonna stand there useless all day or are you going to cross the bridge?" She waited impatiently.

"Either choice is hard, but I guess crossing by unicycle is faster and easier. Plus, I can't think of a way you'd make me carry you while my hands were tied crossing the monkey bars." He spoke sarcastically.

"Stop talking and climb." She hurried.

* * *

 **(Team Confessionals)**

 **Housekeeper and Butler**

 **Martha:** We are behind, Niles. We cannot keep holding doors open and bowing down to them.

 **Niles:** I am aware of that. It is just not that simple to be greedy.

 **Martha** : It is our right to be greedy here Niles.

 **Niles:** You do have a point.

* * *

 **(Team Confessionals)**

 **Husband and Mother-In-Law**

 **Malcolm:** I cannot believe you could walk this whole time. Does Emily even know?

 **Bertha:** Don't be idiotic. I don't keep secrets from my daughter.

 **Malcolm:** So she knows?

 **Bertha:** She does now.

 **Malcolm:** Ugh, at least I don't have to roll you around anymore.

 **Bertha:** Oh yes you will. I'm having them send my wheelchair to me when we're finished with the bridge.

 **Malcolm:** Why should I? You're perfectly capable on your own.

 **Bertha:** If you can't help your elders, how do you expect to raise a family with my daughter?

 **Malcolm:** What? What does that have anything to do?

 **Bertha:** Shush, you're rolling me and that's final.

* * *

"Shiver me timbers, now this be the life of a pirate. Thrill, danger, treasure seeking." Roscoe said as he moved from one bar to the next, hanging over a net under the bridge." Now aren't ye glad we joined this here race?"

"Aye captain." Carl nodded, following closely behind.

"Put a move on it Bambi, I'm not gonna lose to Jack Sparrow." Dirk called back.

"It's Andy." Andy replied breathlessly. He had trouble lifting himself up.

"How's it going up ahead ladies?" Bob asked.

"This is a strain but we can manage, don't you worry about us." Linda answered.

"Oooh neighbor, we're gonna score I tell you." Jim whispered from behind him.

"Definitely my man, those two are gonna be so impressed once we win this." Bob replied.

The Half Sisters were having trouble keeping up and were holding the line for the Gypsies behind them.

"I suggest you put a move on it lass." Gunhilda advised impatiently.

"My arms are too weak." Mandy whined.

"I will handle this." Leticia said to Gunhilda.

Leticia took something from her bosom and sprinkled it on Maya in front of her. A few seconds passed by.

"My arms feel weak too now. Ow, ow, ow!" Maya eventually slipped." AHHH!"

She fell down to the net suspended above the water.

"Half Sisters, back to the start you go." Chris announced.

"Uhhh! You messed up Maya!" Mandy too had to drop down and go back to the start.

* * *

 **(Team Confessionals)**

 **Gypsies**

 **Gunhilda:** Hehehe, excellent Leticia, excellent. Now those two are pushed all the way back to last place.

 **Leticia:** I am only just beginning friend, that was but a simple salve I grinded to relax the body and strip the energy from someone. Soon I will be using more complicated mixtures.

 **Gunhilda:** And I'm only just getting ready for my rituals and divinations. The future is within my third eye's reach.

* * *

 **(Team Confessionals)**

 **Pirate and First Mate**

 **Roscoe:** Tis a shame there be a net under us. I could use a refreshing dip in the water.

 **Carl:** A fall like that is dangerous cap'n.

 **Roscoe:** Don't be silly Carl, a pirate fears not the ocean.

 **Carl:** Well what about the race? We'd lose if we lost time like that.

 **Roscoe:** Arrr true matey, that's why a good captain needs a good first mate to remind him of things such as this (He puts his arm around Carl who smiles embarrassedly).

* * *

On top of the bridge, the contestants seemed to be falling a lot except for the Adrenaline Junkies who had reached the second Chris Cubicle.

"A Botch or Watch." Read Alexis." Hollywood jumping."

"In this task, teams will have to take a cab to the Hollywood sign and one of them has to ride a Pogo stick on top of the sign from one side to the other and gather a set of dangling flags. The flags will be used in the final part of this challenge." Chris announced.

"Easy!" Troy grinned.

They went down the ladder to the bridge and hitched a cab. Shortly after, the Kid and Nanny as well as the Air Guitarists went down the ladder as well.

"Yay Pogo stick! I wanna!" Billy nagged.

"I doubt I can get out of this one. Might as well let you." Annie sighed." This time."

From below, the Pirate and First Mate were making their way upwards, having read the same ticket from their own Chris Cubicle.

"Seize me a taxi Carl, we're goin jumpin." Roscoe said.

"Aye aye cap'n." Carl responded as they halted a taxi.

"Arrr, out of the car ye scurvy dog. This here automobile is now pirate property." Roscoe demanded.

"What the hell?" The driver did a double take.

"Here." Carl lowered down to his window and whispered." Play along please, we'll have the car sent back by the end of the day. Thank you."

He handed him a wad of cash.

"Huh? Uh sure, you can have it, captain, uhh, whatever." The driver walked off, counting his money.

"Good on ya matey, now we'll be way ahead of the others." Roscoe thanked obliviously.

* * *

 **(Team Confessionals)**

 **Air Guitarists**

 **Rex:** Dude, we're totally in the top three.

 **Jake:** Aww yeah man, LA's our crib. We got the foshiznick out of this.

 **Rex:** Right on!

* * *

The Bully and Geek, Lawyers, Neighbors, Cat Lady and Cat, and the Cosplayers had all made it out of the first task and were in the cabs already. Over the bridge, things weren't going so well for the remaining teams.

"Ahhh! Ooof." Martha yelled as she fell off the unicycle with Niles." Goodness, this is quite the difficult task."

"We mustn't dally, we are far from the advantageous spot as of yet." Niles quickly made his way back up the ladder.

"Woah, steady." Sally cautioned.

"Just keep your hands off my eyes and your yap shut." Hilbert grunted.

The unicycle wobbled but remained on the wire until they made it.

"Finally. Let's get this over with." Sally jumped off and read the next task." Great, more clowning around for you to do next."

The Phone Addicts were trying to juggle riding a unicycle with holding their phones and texting, and so far it had not been successful.

"Would you just give me your phone to hold until you drive us through?" Sarah demanded.

"No way, I'm not giving it to you to chat up Mark and ruin my chances with him." Jessica denied.

"Oh please, you had no chance anyway." Sarah rolled her eyes." Fine, you can hold my phone while I pedal. I'm smart enough to put a lock code on it anyway."

They got in to position. Jessica clicked away at Sarah's phone.

"Smart huh? Smart people don't put 1234 as their password, genius." Jessica mocked.

Sarah gasped loudly." You did NOT just open my phone."

The unicycle swerved with Sarah's attempt to retrieve her phone and they both fell off again.

"UHH! How about we both leave our phones with each other?" Sarah asked.

"Fine!" Jessica agreed begrudgingly.

* * *

 **(Team Confessionals)**

 **Phone Addicts**

 **Jessica:** Unicycles are stupid.

 **Sarah:** Totally.

* * *

Thanks to crazy speed driving, the Pirate and First Mate were the first to reach the hill on which the Hollywood sign was.

"We're here cap'n! And we're first." Carl said.

"Arr, I claim this territory pirate land now." Roscoe set a black flag with a skull and bone cross on it.

"Hurry captain, while we still have the lead." Carl alerted.

Roscoe climbed the ladder leading to the top of the H. A set of Pogo sticks were lined up. He grabbed one and started jumping. There were two poles, one on the H and another on the D. They were connected by a wire with flags hung on it above the letters in midair.

"Aim for five flags Roscoe." Chris shouted, flying in his helicopter.

As Roscoe began jumping from one letter to the next, snatching one flag after the other, more teams started showing up.

"Ah, so someone beat us here. No matter, our agility and lack of fear shall propel us to first again." Alexis ran ahead.

"That's my girl. Get those flags babe." Troy stretched as he watched her.

"Wow! It's so big! I'm gonna jump on the Hollywood sign!" Billy couldn't contain his excitement.

"Be careful Billy!" Annie cried out.

* * *

 **(Team Confessionals)**

 **Adrenaline Junkies**

 **Troy:** We appreciate a challenge and some friendly competition, it deepens the thrill we get.

 **Alexis:** But that doesn't mean we'll be too happy with second place. We came here to win.

* * *

Back on the bridge, some teams were finishing up while some still faced some trouble.

"We must hurry Leticia, I foresee a great distance ahead before we catch up to the rest." Gunhilda panted.

"What is this? We are to call a taxi? I despise those things. That is no way of transportation for the likes of us. Where are the camels? Where are the mules?" Leticia grumbled.

"We must make due for now friend, we cannot risk it." Gunhilda said as she stopped a cab.

"Nurse, this next task demands your quick reflexes, halt us a car." Sherman commanded.

"Yes doctor." She nodded as she stopped a taxi.

"Get your legs moving down there, I need to pee." Bertha called down as her and Malcolm descended the ladder to their second Chris Cubicle.

"Bertha if you pee on me, I swear, Emily and I will move and you can never visit us again." Malcolm hurried down.

"Heavens, at last, we made it." Martha breathed a sigh of relief as she and Niles made it across the wire.

Down below, the Half Sisters still felt weak, especially Maya. They were halfway through the monkey bars.

"My arms feel like jelly." Maya complained.

"More like Spaghetti." Mandy corrected." Move it, you're gonna land us in 16th."

"I'm trying!" Maya whimpered." I don't know why but I feel so tired. It just happened."

"What happened is you're lazy." Mandy taunted.

Maya got angry." Shut up! Don't make me slap you. My arms may be weak but I can still bitchslap you so hard."

"Do it, I dare you. Lazy butt." Mandy continued.

"That's it." Maya raged." Come here."

Mandy hurried forward and in turn Maya hurried too, forgetting her weakness. They made it to the end. Mandy smiled in relief until a hand connected with her face.

"OWW! You dummy, I did that on purpose to make you hurry." Mandy rubbed her cheek.

"Oh, well, don't do it again." Maya flushed." Are you okay. Did I hurt you?"

"I'm okay." She replied.

"I'm sorry." Maya apologized.

"Me too." Mandy followed.

They embraced in a hug.

"Hey look, the ranch sisters are getting it on. EL OH EL!" Sarah shouted from the bridge as she and Jessica made their way down.

"OH EM JEE, that's so gross. Barf bag ASAP!" Jessica gagged.

"UHH! You two are so dead." Mandy shouted as the sisters separated. They quickly started climbing.

The Phone Addicts giggled before calling a cab.

"Later losers!" Sarah waved mockingly.

* * *

 **(Team Confessionals)**

 **Half Sisters**

 **Maya:** I can't stand those two.

 **Mandy:** Me neither. They're so dumb. There's only room for one team of young pretty girls and that's us.

 **Maya:** You think they're pretty?

 **Mandy:** Yeah, pretty lame! (They both laugh)

* * *

The Air Guitarists and the Bully and Geek both arrived to the Hollywood sign.

"Aww yeah dude, jumpin on the Hollywood sign, now that's Rock!" Jake cheered.

"Too bad we can't both do it." Rex lamented.

"Go for it buddy, I'll do the next one." Jake encouraged.

"Dude, I owe you one. You're the man!" Rex ran forward.

"Please let me try Dirk." Andy pled.

"As if. I wanna do it." Dirk refused.

"Aww, please." Andy persisted.

"Nah." Dirk ignored as he ran to the H.

"You're so lucky to be here with your best friend." Andy turned to Jake.

"Yeah little man, Rex and I have been buddies since kindergarten. We're thicker than a Do note!" Jake nodded. He started playing his invisible guitar.

"Heidi ho neighbor, looks like we beat the Lawyer chicks here." Bob spoke as he and Jim got out of the taxi.

"At least that leaves one less team to beat to first place." Jim pointed out.

"Righto!" Bob nodded." See ya at the other end of the Hollywood sign neighbor!"

"Break a leg neighbor!" Jim cheered." But not the pirate's, it's his last one."

They both laughed with snorts. Carl heard and sighed.

* * *

 **(Team Confessionals)**

 **Air Guitarists**

 **Jake:** That's another reason we're gonna be in the top bro, because we're so close. We understand each other so well. Half the other teams don't get along with each other.

 **Rex:** True true J-man. And the fact we can rock like no one can!

 **Jake:** Exactly homey!

* * *

 **(Team Confessionals)**

 **Pirate and First Mate**

 **Roscoe:** Got me the booty alright. Five flags. We're calling the shots around here now eh Carl?

 **Carl:** Hm? Sure captain.

 **Roscoe:** Carl? What's the matter matey? What's been rockin your boat?

 **Carl:** It's nothing cap'n.

 **Roscoe:** Well alright, if you say so.

* * *

More teams were showing up just as Roscoe was going down the ladder from the D. At the bottom was the next Chris Cubicle. Roscoe pressed the button.

"Rrrrunway Token." He read." Pull up the anchor Carl, we're heading to the airport."

"In this last task, teams have to head to the airport where the Chill Zone awaits." Chris announced to the camera." When they get there, they'll have to use their five flags as a toll to the runway guard. Those who can't will have to do an additional task for the guard."

"Stay here McFluff, you can't reach the flags." Helen spoke to McFluff.

"Alright James, this one's all yours." Jessie said as they got out of the cab.

"Why me?" He asked in a whiny voice.

"Because I'm going to be busy stealing from the twerps." She reasoned.

"Fine, no use wasting time." He gave in.

She walked over to the D and waited. Alexis came running down quickly. After her was Billy making his way hastily down the ladder. Jessie reached up and snatched the bundle of flags in his pocket and hid on the other side of the D.

"Nanny! It says we have to go to an airport!" Billy shouted.

The Kid and Nanny got in a cab. Jessie giggled to herself and walked back to the others.

* * *

 **(Team Confessionals)**

 **Cosplayers**

 **Jessie:** Like taking Pikachus from immortal ten year olds.

 **James:** You know we never got to doing that right?

 **Jessie:** After we win this race, we won't even need to. We'll be rich rich rich!

* * *

The Clown and Mime were the next team to arrive.

"Try not to fall now Hilbert." Sally said.

"Yeah yeah." He huffed as he climbed the H.

At the same time Rex was done but had not collected any flags.

"Sweet! One last stop bro!" Jake ran up to him.

"Rad!" Rex smiled as they got a car.

The Lawyers finally made it.

"Hello ladies, weren't you ahead of us? What happened?" Jim asked them.

"We had to make sure the taxi didn't make any illegal turns and stopped at every red light." Linda answered.

"And this place, it shouldn't be open for the public. I'm gonna have to check with the state officials." Carol said, looking around.

"Hold it Carol, I suggest you partake in this task. I'll deal with this issue." Linda advised.

"Fry Chris' ass for me will you." Carol said as she started climbing the H.

"So Linda." Jim began." Are you seeing anyone lately?"

"That's privileged information I'm afraid." She denied.

"What about your associate?" He attempted.

"Also confidential." She blocked.

"I see. But I think you're too successful to be tied down. Woman like you, working so hard. You're living the bachelorette life, like me." He told.

"You're a bachelorette?" She turned to stare at him with an amused look.

"Yeah, no, no, bachelor. I'm a bachelor, is what I mean to say." Jim stumbled over his words.

"Good to know." She turned away from him.

* * *

 **(Team Confessionals)**

 **Neighbors**

 **Jim:** Stupid! I sure blew that one.

 **Bob:** What happened? Were you hitting on them Lawyer chicks?

 **Jim:** I was asking if they were single and I made a fool of myself.

 **Bob:** Don't worry about it neighbor. If we don't impress them with our words, we'll win them over with our competitive nature!

 **Jim:** That's gonna be the only way we can after that fumble.

* * *

 **(Team Confessionals)**

 **Lawyers**

 **Carol:** Really? He said that?

 **Linda:** Yes, but I shot him down, for the both of us. There's no time for romances now.

 **Carol:** And even if there was, it would be with someone a little more worthwhile.

 **Linda:** Is there someone worthwhile for you Carol?

 **Carol:** Very funny. And no. (Linda hums a laugh)

* * *

It was getting crowded on top of the Hollywood sign. There wasn't much room to pass another contestant so the ones kept waiting were getting impatient.

"Hurry up in front!" Hilbert shouted gruffly.

"I'll handle this." James said.

He balanced his jumping with one hand and slowly with his other hand, he extended it to Helen who was stuck in front of him waiting for Bob. Suddenly Helen turned around and hissed like a cat at James.

"Yaaa!" James yelped and lost his footing, falling off of the W in the sign.

Hilbert and Dirk cracked up in laughter.

"Loser!" Dirk yelled." Hey, Bambi, airport time. Move it!"

Dirk and Andy got into a cab while James had to restart the jumping task. Just as they were leaving, the Gypsies, the Doctor and Nurse, Husband and Mother-In-Law and Housekeeper and Butler all piled up after each other.

"Distasteful task, I suppose I shall do it. We don't want your concoctions to get too shook up and turn into something not useful for us while you jump." Gunhilda told Leticia.

"Good foresight dear." Leticia smiled knowingly.

"Nurse, take care of this will you?" Sherman stood waiting.

"Yes doctor." Judy complied somewhat reluctantly.

"You heard the man, take care of this." Bertha addressed Malcolm.

"Only because you'd probably fall and break your spine and then I'd HAVE to roll you around, which I still thankfully don't." Malcolm started climbing the H.

"You rest Niles, allow me to handle this one." Martha stepped up.

"Absolutely not. I would be a fool to expose you to such a risky task. I'll take care of it." Niles refused.

"No no, you did so well on the previous one. This is the least I can do." Martha attempted.

"I insist." Niles continued.

"EL OH EL Josie, I just passed the janitor and the maid!" Sarah came running past them, speaking on her phone as Jessica started climbing.

"HEY! Get back here. I'm not done with you yet!" Mandy ran up the H after them.

"Oh no, fine you can go Niles, just save us from last place." Martha succumbed.

* * *

 **(Team Confessionals)**

 **Cosplayers**

 **Marley:** You imbecile. You cost us a lot of time with that tumble.

 **Ulrich:** Hey, you didn't see that woman. She's got like freaky x-ray backwards vision and literally cat-like reflexes. She freaks me the heck out.

 **Marley:** Uhh, whatever, just skip the flags. We can use the ones I stole.

* * *

 **(Team Confessionals)**

 **Cat Lady and Cat**

 **McFluff:** Meow!

 **Helen:** I know. No one can sneak up on us. They try to trick us but we are better than them. Yes we are! HNNG HUGHH. *Cough*, hairball.

 **McFluff:** (Pats her arm comfortingly).

* * *

Bob was really keeping up the line now. With 11 contestants on the Hollywood sign, there wasn't much movement as Bob had been stuck on the first O.

"Meowooove!" Helen screeched behind him.

"I can't. It's too far." He whined

"You can do it neighbor!" Jim encouraged.

"Like, move! Out of my way old people!" Jessica was recklessly pushing through.

"Watch it young lady!" Malcolm almost toppled off.

Judy and Gunhilda moved out of the way but James had his back turned and Jessica collided with him. Jessica fell off the sign and James pushed against Carol who bumped into Hilbert and Hilbert himself fell in the middle of the Y, his Pogo stick got wedged and it slammed against his groin.

"Mommy!" He squealed and fell off, clutching his crotch.

"Fool!" Gunhilda cursed under her breath.

Mandy had been chasing her but stopped when she saw Jessica pushing against those in front of her. She was laughing hard.

"El Oh EL." Mandy mocked." Dumb carrot girl made a fool of herself. Teach you to mess with the Half Sisters!"

"UHHH!" Jessica huffed.

* * *

 **(Team Confessionals)**

 **Gypsies**

 **Gunhilda:** My patience is getting tested. I almost placed a hex on her already.

 **Leticia:** You must wait Gunhilda, you know placing curses on our foes costs you your energy and you won't be able to cast another one for some time.

 **Gunhilda:** I know that. It is not easy though to resist teaching those impudent brats a lesson they shall never forget.

 **Leticia:** Soon my dear, soon.

* * *

"Alright, here goes." Bob gathered the courage and took a leap.

Only it wasn't a good one and he slipped on the slope of the O and fell between the letters.

"About Tieowm." Helen quickly made her way over the letters and down the ladder.

"Are you alright Bob?" Linda stood in front of a crumpled Bob.

"Oh, Uh, yes, yes I am now." He quickly got himself up and dusted himself.

"Well good, now you can try again since no one is behind you, you can take your time." She smiled.

He flushed." Yeah I guess that's right. Wouldn't wanna hold up anyone else right?"

"That's the spirit. Hurry up and maybe you can catch up." She offered." Oh, here comes Carol, see you in the Chill Zone."

"This is ridiculous." Carol jogged to Linda." We are breaking so many laws and the day one isn't over yet."

"I'm sure there'll be enough time to go through his legal measures when we're on the plane. For now, let's just get a move on to the airport." Linda urged.

James came panting as he dropped down from the ladder. Jessie was waiting for him.

"About time James! My feet were getting tired here waiting for you." She put her hands on her hips.

"What was I thinking? Waiting must have been exhausting for you." He rolled his eyes.

"Yes it was, now let's move!" Jessie frowned.

* * *

 **(Team Confessionals)**

 **Neighbors**

 **Bob:** There goes first place for us. Now we can't impress them with that.

 **Jim:** Don't sweat it neighbor. It ain't over yet.

 **Bob:** Yeah well don't jinx it neighbor.

 **Jim:** If we hurry, we can maybe beat the Clown and Mime, they seem unlucky enough.

* * *

Over in the airport, the Pirate and First Mate were just arriving.

"Dar she blows! I see the runway. Hop to it Carl!" Roscoe charged ahead.

On their way were a tollbooth and a guard. The Pirate and First mate stopped at it. Besides their ID, he demanded 5 flags as payment.

"Arrr, there be your payment gate guardian, now open the way I command thee." Roscoe spoke.

The guard lifted the gate and the Pirate and First Mate ran up to Chris who was waiting for them at the chill zone.

"Congratulations, you are the first to make it here!" Chris greeted.

"Marvelous! Tonight we shall celebrate with rum!" Roscoe put an arm around Carl's shoulder and laughed heartily.

"We sure will cap'n." Carl smiled as he saw Roscoe pleased with the turnout.

The Adrenaline Junkies ran out of the cab quickly. They paid the guard and raced to the chill zone.

"Second place Adrenaline Junkies, not quite first but great too!" Chris grinned.

Troy and Alexis walked up to the Pirate and First Mate. Carl expected a standoff but he was relieved to see Troy extend his hand.

"Well played guys." Troy grinned broadly.

"Yeah, but now you guys have some competitive rivals, us." Alexis smirked.

"Competing buccaneers eh? Bring it on!" Roscoe shook hands with Troy.

* * *

 **(Team Confessionals)**

 **Adrenaline Junkies**

 **Alexis:** That Pirate is gonna be a challenge. I like challenges!

 **Troy:** You're not thinking of cheating on me are you?

 **Alexis:** Gosh no, though he is cute!

 **Troy:** …

 **Alexis:** Kidding! You're the only captain I need babe.

 **Troy:** I better be.

* * *

More teams were getting in the last taxi ride to the airport. Only five teams were still on the second task. Some of the ones jumping weren't making it easier for anyone to cross and there was a lot of falling going on. Hilbert, Jessica and Mandy were all causing trouble by either pushing through, blocking the path or in the case of Hilbert, spraying water from the flower on his jacket, thus causing the Pogo sticks to slip. Currently, Hilbert was in the lead followed by Niles then Bob then Jessica and Mandy in last.

"Gentlemen, ladies, I implore you, cease your roughhousing. These constant slips and tumbles are uncomfortable to say the least." Niles pled.

"I have to agree with the butler. It's pretty painful and annoying. Do you guys really wanna be back in the bottom five?" Bob asked.

"They started it." Hilbert said.

"Nu-uh!" Mandy denied.

Jessica was too busy fumbling with her phone.

"Get on with it Hilbert." Sally called out from below.

It got less chaotic as Jessica was distracted with her phone. Hilbert, Niles and then Bob all made it across and down the D with their flags.

"Oh Em Gee, Josie, I like, totally lost because I was such an idiot and didn't do the challenge." Mandy mocked as she passed Jessica.

"Hey, that's not what I was typing." Jessica raised her head and then realized she was the only one left on the sign." Hey where'd they all go?"

No one else was there other than Sarah who was also busy typing away below.

"Someone say something?" Sarah asked distractedly without looking up.

"Sarah, oh my gosh, for reals, we're like in last place or something." Jessica said as she picked up the pace and finished the sign.

"Hey I see those annoying sisters getting a cab, hurry, we might still catch them." Sarah said as she started running to get a taxi.

* * *

 **(Team Confessionals)**

 **Clown and Mime**

 **Sally:** Do you want us to lose? You know we'll be back to our crappy jobs if we lose.

 **Hilbert:** Cut me some slack woman! I made it out of the bottom three didn't I?

 **Sally:** So generous of you.

 **Hilbert:** Oh shut up. I didn't see you doing anything productive all day.

* * *

The Kid and Nanny arrived to the airport. Billy excitedly ran to the guard, Annie following him shortly.

"But I just had them." Billy was looking in his pockets.

"What, what is it?" Annie asked.

"The flags. They're gone. I had them with me but they're gone." Billy looked up at her.

"Did you drop them somewhere? Now what?" Annie looked around.

The guard pointed at the far ends of the airport where flags were lined up on a fence. They had to run all the way to it and bring back five flags as payment.

"Aww man!" Billy whined.

"It's okay Billy, everyone makes mistakes." Annie babied.

As they turned around and started running in the direction of the flags, the Air Guitarists showed up.

"Aww yeah bro, we made it!" Rex fist-bumped Jake.

The guard told them the same thing as the Kid and Nanny though because of the lack of flags.

"Oops. Guess I missed those." Rex rubbed the back of his head.

Another cab arrived, dropping off the Bully and Geek.

"Cool!" Andy marveled.

Dirk smacked his head.

"Don't just stand there." Dirk ordered.

"Okay! Sheesh, you don't have to be so rough." Andy jogged behind Dirk.

They got to the guard and presented their flags. The guard let them pass and they ran to the chill zone.

"Bronze for the Bully!" Chris smirked.

"Awesome!" Dirk ignored." See bambi? That's how following my orders gets us the win."

"But… nevermind." Andy dropped it.

* * *

 **(Team Confessionals)**

 **Bully and Geek**

 **Dirk:** Yeah, I rule! Air heads and babysitter drool!

 **Andy:** I guess third place is pretty cool, and we got to do some awesome things like the monkey bars and seeing the Hollywood sign up close.

 **Dirk:** Boring. Winning is the only fun part, and watching that crazy cat lady scare that guy into peeing his pants.

 **Andy:** Uh sure, that too.

* * *

The Cat Lady and Cat, the Lawyers and the Cosplayers all showed up and finished in 4th, 5th, and 6th respectively.

"Take a look James, the Kid and his Nanny aren't done yet, they had to get more flags. Hehehe." Jessie whispered.

"Ingenious move on your part Jessie." James snickered.

The Gypsies showed up while the Kid and Nanny finally handed the guard the flags they gathered again. They rushed to the chill zone seconds before the Gypsies. The Air Guitarists soon came back as well.

"Dude, from third to… I don't even know what rank we got. We screwed up." Rex berated himself.

"We didn't lose, so that's something to be proud of." Jake offered.

"Yeah, you're totally right. I should be happy about that." Rex nodded." We're in for another day!"

Two more teams arrived, the Doctor and Nurse as well as Husband and Mother-In-Law. Only five remained.

"It's getting close!" Chris announced.

Three cars showed up at once. Out came rushing the Clown and Mime, Housekeeper and Butler, and Neighbors. The Clown and Mime were the first to pass the guard.

"Aren't you two gonna let us pass because you know, you guys are humble and all?" Jim asked as he ran side by side to the Housekeeper an Butler.

"Not this time sir." Niles refused.

The Housekeeper and Butler made it a second before the Neighbors.

"What took you guys?" Linda asked the men.

"Angry teen girls and a disgruntled clown." Bob replied.

"And Bob's ineptitude with Pogo sticks or heights or both." Jim added.

"Hurts neighbor!" Bob turned to him disapprovingly.

* * *

 **(Team Confessionals)**

 **Neighbors**

 **Bob:** What was that all about neighbor?

 **Jim:** My bad. Just trying to smooth things over with the ladies.

 **Bob:** Not over my expense. You'll end up taking both of them and leave nothing for me.

 **Jim:** Oh no, I only have my eyes on one of them.

 **Bob:** Same here. Shame we came so far down the ranks. We lost our shot at impressing them.

 **Jim:** There's always next time.

* * *

 **(Team Confessionals)**

 **Kid and Nanny**

 **Billy:** I know I had the flags with me. I know it!

 **Annie:** I told you it's alright. They must have fallen out of your pocket in the taxi or something.

 **Billy:** Nu-uh. Someone took them.

 **Annie:** Let's not jump to conclusions Billy. Let it go, we got in seventh and that's pretty good.

 **Billy:** 3rd is better.

* * *

The final two teams arrived within seconds of each other. The Half Sisters came running out of the cab. The Phone Addicts too went out of the taxi albeit slower because Sarah still had to look at her phone. No one was particularly cheering for them.

"Maya, don't you go weak on me now sis." Mandy called back.

"I'm fine. Don't stop!" Maya responded.

They got to the guard and impatiently waited till he opened the gate. The Phone Addicts were right behind them. The Sisters passed through. The other girls tried to but the guard let down the gate.

"Hey, not cool mister man. Can you even lift this thing? Like please." Sarah huffed.

"Here, take these stupid things. Now hurry!" Jessica urged.

"15th place! Goes to the Half-Sisters." Chris called out as the sisters reached him.

The Phone Addicts got to Chris on the chill zone.

"Girls, you came in last. Say adios because you won't be going anywhere with us." Chris smirked.

"No way! You're totally pulling my leg Chris." Sarah gasped.

"Really? Is this legit?" Jessica's jaw dropped." Josie, you won't believe this."

She took out her phone and started typing.

* * *

 **Elimination Montage**

* * *

Footage showed clips from the Phone Addicts' day in California. There was a sound of clicking accompanying it. It was coming from them as they clicked on their phones.

"We totally got cheated. We were so gonna win today." Sarah said.

"Chyeah, those sisters messed everything up. What a pair of bimbos!" Jessica sneered.

"Whateva! Daddy will take me around the world. I don't need this dump anyway." Sarah whined.

"Me neither girl." Jessica joined.

* * *

 **Team Placements**

 **1** **st** **:** Pirate and First Mate

 **2** **nd** **:** Adrenaline Junkies

 **3** **rd** **:** Bully and Geek

 **4** **th** **:** Cat Lady and Cat

 **5** **th** **:** Lawyers

 **6** **th** **:** Cosplayers

 **7** **th** **:** Kid and Nanny

 **8** **th** **:** Gypsies

 **9** **th** **:** Air Guitarists

 **10** **th** **:** Doctor and Nurse

 **11** **th** **:** Husband and Mother-In-Law

 **12** **th** **:** Clown and Mime

 **13** **th** **:** Housekeeper and Butler

 **14** **th** **:** Neighbors

 **15** **th** **:** Half Sisters

 **16** **th** **:** Phone Addicts (Eliminated)

* * *

There you have it. I hope it met the expectations and managed to entertain you guys. Since I'm not overly sure how it will go, I'd appreciate it if you guys pointed out to me what I did either wrong or right. If I find that the comments were true about a team or something in the format, I'll work on bettering it. I'm trying to stick to the Ridonculous Race format. **I'll be posting a Poll right after I post this. Head to my profile to check it out.**

Here's a brief description of some of the teams to help you visualize them better.

Adrenaline Junkies: Are always dressed in skydiving gear. They have athletic builds and lively faces.

Air Guitarists: Pretty much your typical rocker look, as I described them in the chapter.

Bully and Geek: One small, one big, but one year apart.

Cat Lady and Cat: For the Cat Lady, just picture the crazy cat lady from the Simpsons. That's basically how I imagine her. For the cat, if you've seen the film Coraline, the black cat in it is the closest in looks and mannerisms.

Clown and Mime: Typical clown look for Hilbert, but his face isn't as cheery as a clown's should be, he's slightly on the chubby side. Sally is thin, and as described. She has short hair.

Cosplayers: No they will not be Team Rocket for the rest of the competition.

Doctor and Nurse: Not much to describe here. The Doctor is always in his white coat and the nurse is always in her orderly outfit.

Gypsies: Old, on the fat side, brown, look poor though might not be. Lots of accessories and baubles on them.

Half-Sisters: One's a redhead, the other is a ginger. They look like each other a bit.

Housekeeper and Butler: Niles is based on Niles from The Nanny (1990s). Martha is based on Mrs. White in Clue (the maid, not the one in the newer version).

Husband and Mother-In-Law: I keep imagining Numbuh 2's grandmother from Kids Next Door for Bertha for some reason.

Kid and Nanny: If you've seen the Nanny Diaries, Annie is pretty much her.

Lawyers: The Good Wife anyone? Alicia for Linda, Diane for Carol.

Neighbors: Their appearances kind of bring the image of Dexter's dad to my mind (Dexter's Laboratory). Their interactions remind me of Tim and Wilson from Home Improvement.

Phone Addicts: Enough said.

Pirate and First Mate: Well, a pirate. A blond one who underneath the blemishes of a pirate life, can look actually good. Carl is not blond though and has a leaner smaller build.


	2. Chapter 2: Villains In Vilnius

Here comes chapter two. I'd written about 20% of it in the past week. Today though, I literally woke up, opened word and in 13 consecutive hours, all I did was write write write for this. I have no idea where the inspiration came from but here is the end product. Hope you all enjoy. I kindly remind you of my **Poll**. It's on my Profile. It will help me see what I can better and what I'm doing well.

 **To my reviewers:**

 _ **GirlPower54**_ : New reviewers are always welcome! Thank you for your encouragement and I'm ecstatic the story settled with with readers! I hope you enjoy this one too.

 _ **ChespinMan715:**_ I could have sworn I remembered you and then I went back to the reviews on my Pokerific and there you were, except with your account. How come you didn't use it to submit the reviews this time? Anyway, I was thinking more like Ulrich from Code Lyoko but okay XD. I'm glad you like the story. I knew to write a Ridonculous Race because simply, I am psychic. I know my readers' needs and I provide for them :)))

 _ **bLuewErewOlf25:**_ Your username is annoying to type XD. Welcome back, you weaseled your way out of an RP, I'm gonna get you back somehow, you won't expect it... The message with the Phone Addicts was intentional. Texting while, well, anything, is BAD FOR YOU AND YOU SHOULD STOPPP. The Cosplayers aren't really evil, they just REALLY get into character, and they'll have a lot of characters. I knew immediately that the Pirate and First Mate and the Bully and Geek were going to be fan favorites. Your predictions might come true. Or they might not. Only I know. 3:)

 _ **Bronzern:**_ I wasn't expecting a review from you honestly, but it was appreciated non the less. When I read that I excel in humor I was pleasantly surprised. I did not know that was my strong suit. In fact, in chapter one, I thought the humor was dry and forced. I'm glad it didn't turn out that way. Your recommendations are very true and I agree with them. Because I use models to represent my contestants while I'm writing, I guess it's easy for me to keep track, but not for the readers. I will incorporate more signposts to inform the readers of the standings. The location ideas are coming to me gradually. At the start it was a mess because I hadn't thought out the eliminations, I hadn't figured out the plots for most of them, I hadn't decided on locations, challenges, orders... Now though I have a pretty clear vision of where I want it all to go. The winner has been decided and it's going to be... I'd rather not spoil actually. On the note of taxi delays. I understand where you're going with it, but also, doing that will kind of push the story in a direction that readers will interpret as "biased writing". What's to determine which team gets delayed or not, and why? It's better to let the challenges decide the race than stuff like that. I knew people were going to like the Cosplayers, I'm having fun writing them even though I'm not into the whole cosplaying thing. The Bully and Geek got people's attention really early on, interesting. I'm trying to not have the Adrenaline Junkies resemble the Ice Dancers. That's not the direction I want them to go in. I thought the Doctor and Nurse in chapter 1 was limited, I'm glad they seem successful. I don't know the Amazing Race though, so I can't say I can relate to the Doctor and Nurse duos in that show. The medical and law lingo with those two teams is thanks to TV shows. Gotta love House and The Good Wife! Gypsies, yeah, you'll like to hate them indeed. As a last attempt, are you from Thailand?

Notes at the end of the chapter.

* * *

 **Chapter 2: Villains In Vilnius**

"Last time on the RidiChrislous Race, we met the 16 teams in Los Angeles. The race immediately began with some crazy acrobatics above and below the Golden Gate Bridge. The Adrenaline Junkies led the way with grace until the Pirate and First Mate plundered first place from them. From Jumping over the Hollywood sign to the airport runway, the teams struggled to stay out of last. Thanks to the Half Sisters and the Phone Addicts though, that wasn't too hard and we ended up learning that texting while racing can end your TV career." Chris relayed." Where are we going next? And can the Half Sisters start to focus now? You're about to find out on, the RidiChrislous Race!"

(Cue theme song)

* * *

Chris was standing in front of an airplane in a runway.

"I'm here at the chill zone of the last episode and with me are the Pirate and First Mate, the winners of the first challenge." Chris began.

"Arr, not just the first challenge matey. We'll be the winners every challenge." Roscoe assured.

"Well here's your chance. Your first Chris Cubicle is right next to the steps leading up to the plane. Off you go." Chris told.

They jogged up to it and pressed the button. Carl took the ticket that was ejected out.

"Well I'll be, we're going to Lithuania!" Carl read impressed.

"That be an island, facing the open oceans, surrrrounded by lots of water? Roscoe asked in his gruff voice.

"No cap'n. It's in Europe." Carl informed.

The camera flickered to location scenes as Chris spoke.

"Carl is right surprisingly. Lithuania, one of the Baltic countries of Europe, it's a relatively ignored country from up there. Known for its beer, hot air balloons and storks, it's a pretty chill country." Chris addressed." Teams are to board in three planes and travel to Kaunas, Lithuania for their first task."

The Pirate and First Mate boarded the plane, behind them were the Adrenaline Junkies who didn't waste a second. The Bully and Geek followed them up the plane. The Cat Lady and Cat as well as the Lawyers were the last to be allowed on the first plane and the Cosplayers had to wait for the next plane which wouldn't be taking off for another thirty minutes. Ulrich was dressed in tan shorts and an orange T-shirt with a navy blue jacket on top. Dark sneakers and white socks and a white and blue cap with a maple tree drawn on it in blue. Marley was wearing a thick pink sweater with a picture of a shooting star with a rainbow coming out of it. Below it a purple skirt and white socks and black sandals. She had a pink hair band and her hair was cascaded through it down to her lower back. Both of them had their hair brown this time.

"No no no! We're gonna be late now." Marley stomped angrily.

"It's okay Mabel, we just started the challenge. Nothing to worry about." Assured Ulrich.

"Where's Lithuania anyway? Sounds like someone who had crooked teeth was trying to say something and they decided to name a country after it." She said mockingly.

"I read about it once, it's got a lot of mysterious unsolved cases and the suicide rates are the highest in all of Europe." He told.

"Wow Dipper, do you think some of the teams will end up like that?" She asked.

"Mabel, you're a freak. Maybe though." He said.

* * *

 **(Team Confessionals)**

 **Pirate and First Mate**

 **Roscoe:** How did ya know about that country Carl?

 **Carl:** Oh, I uh, I have, um, relatives from there.

 **Roscoe:** Hmm, maybe that's why ya sometimes talk funny, like ya ain't got that pirate accent.

 **Carl:** Er, yeah that's probably it.

* * *

 **(Team Confessionals)**

 **Cosplayers**

 **Marley:** If it's in Europe that means it's gonna be cold. Good thing we're used to the cold.

 **Ulrich:** Doesn't matter. It's summer so it would be cool there about now.

* * *

On the plane, the five first teams were getting seated. When Helen and McFluff were about to take a seat, a flight attendant came up to them.

"Excuse me ma'am, but animals are not allowed in the passenger sections. Your cat will have to be placed in a cage in the cargo hold." She said.

"What!?" Helen objected angrily." I'm not putting Mr. McFluff in a cage. Leave me alone!"

"We're sorry ma'am but this is for the animal's safety as well as other passengers." The attendant insisted.

"No! Stop calling him an animal. You're the animal!" Helen raged.

"Ma'am, if you do not cooperate, I'm afraid we'll have to escort you off the plane." The attendant sternly warned.

"Excuse me, is there a problem here?" Linda asked as she and Carol were walking down the aisle.

"It's nothing to be worried about." The attendant forced a smile for them.

"She wants to take McFluff and put him in a cage, they're not getting their hands on him." Helen was frantic.

"Ma'am, you'll have to leave the plane now." The attendant was fed up.

"No! You can't make me!" Helen flailed.

McFluff hissed at the attendant.

"If I may, I'm familiar with aircraft regulations and I see quite a few breaches here such as the non-existent security measures at the entrance and the refusal to allow further teams to board this plane. I'm sure we can forget about them if you allow Helen over here to remain on the plane." Carol pointed out.

"Those measures were made for the purposes of your show. It is not how it usually is I assure you." The attendant flushed.

"Are these measures legal?" Asked Carol.

The attendant went quiet and frowned before forcing on a smile again. She turned to Helen.

"My apologies ma'am, where are my manners. You are most welcome on the plane." She said pointedly." However, we'll still require the animal be secured."

"Meoww! Over my dead body!" Helen launched at the attendant with her nails outstretched, so did McFluff.

After a wild fight, security was called on plane to subdue Helen and escort her along with McFluff to the cargo hold where each was placed in cages side by side, a small one for McFluff and a big one for Helen.

"Mrooww, I hate planes." Helen said.

McFluff meowed.

* * *

 **(Team Confessionals)**

 **Cat Lady and Cat**

 **McFluff:** Meow, meow, memeowo, meow meow!

 **Helen:** I know. No one will ever put us in cages ever again!

* * *

 **(Team Confessionals)**

 **Lawyers**

 **Carol:** It wasn't difficult to keep Helen on the plane. As soon as we realized we were allowed to board the plane without proper security inspection, I knew we had a case.

 **Linda:** We refuse to win easily and having Helen kicked off would be a death sentence to her chances of staying in the race.

 **Carol:** And it was interesting to catch wind of one of Chris' many felonies.

* * *

As the plane took off and some time passed, the next plane was ready to carry the second batch of teams. The Cosplayers were the first on it followed by the Kid and Nanny, Gypsies, Air Guitarists, and the Doctor and Nurse.

"Whoa cool! I get to ride an airplane!" Billy marveled as he ran up the steps to the plane.

"Billy, you can't run in an airplane!" Annie ran after him.

"Blasted flying machines! They are worse than automobiles. Humans were net meant to soar the skies." Gunhilda scowled.

"The most part of our daily lives now were not meant for humans. Let's not stop at every single one Gunhilda. We have a competition to win." Leticia pacified.

"Mind your ingredients dear. We do not want them confiscated by the plane. Hide them well." Gunhilda whispered.

"Ahead of you. They shan't find them." Leticia assured.

"Dude, we totally could have been on the first plane but we had to mess up and lose our spot in the top five." Rex said.

"It's cool, it's all cool. We're not in the last plane right bro?" Jake reasoned.

"True true my friend." Rex fist bumped him.

"Nurse, your mask must be on at all times during the flight. You may never know what dangerous infections are harbored by the passengers." Sherman alerted as he was boarding the plane.

"Yes doctor." She said monotonously.

* * *

 **(Team Confessionals)**

 **Kid and Nanny**

 **Billy:** Nanny, nanny! Can I see the room with the pilot?

 **Annie:** Cockpit, and not in your wildest dreams young man!

 **Billy:** I'm famous now! You can't tell me what to do anymore.

 **Annie:** Well, I'm just as famous as you are, so I can still tell you what to do and you're not getting out of your seat for any reason other than potty breaks and I'm going to be watching you closely.

 **Billy:** No way! I always go potty alone.

 **Annie:** Do you want to keep arguing? Because our plane is going to take off.

* * *

The third batch was still waiting for their plane. Meanwhile in plane one, the teams were finally taking a break. Andy took out his laptop and had started a game. Dirk next to him was getting bored after having finished the meal the hostess brought him.

"Hey geek, what are you doing? Baby games?" Dirk poked him in the head.

"I'm doing my daily quest in Hearthstone. Gotta equip 10 weapons." Andy said, almost drooling as he was focusing on the game.

"What kinda weapons? Girly ones I bet, like pillows or something." Dirk kept jabbing a finger in his head.

"Axes actually." Andy corrected, ignoring the taunting." How about Tentacles For Arms?"

"Cool!" Dirk said spontaneously before his expression changed." NOT!"

He jabbed a finger at Andy's head roughly, pushing him.

"Hey quit it! You're gonna make me lose my turn." Andy moved in his seat further away.

"That's lame. You should play football. Something not geeky." Dirk said, scowling at the card game.

"I don't like sports." Andy merely replied.

"Why not? Because you know you're a loser?" Dirk sneered.

"No! Because of other bullies like you. Sports aren't fun when people keep making fun and beating others up. I don't go through that when I'm playing video games, or board, or card games." Andy released his pent up thoughts." Great, the opponent just put C'thun. I lost."

"Whatever nerd." Dirk sat back in his seat, casting frequent glances at the laptop screen.

* * *

 **(Team Confessionals)**

 **Bully and Geek**

 **Dirk:** Seriously? Even in here you're bringing your laptop? You're such a geek!

 **Andy:** Hey, as soon as we land, there won't be any Wi-Fi, or time to play for that matter. I need to use as much time as I can get. And you wanted to use this thing and we can't use it without our teammates so I had to come with you.

 **Dirk:** Or you could sleep so you don't completely blow it for us in Thiluania.

 **Andy:** Lithuania.

 **Dirk:** That's what I said!

 **Andy:** Sure.

* * *

The third bunch were boarding the plane.

"I can't believe I'm still doing this." Malcolm shook his head as he rolled Bertha up the plane using her wheelchair.

"I told you you would." She said.

"You know you're gonna have to get out of it on the plane and I'm not going to help you." Malcolm told.

"Do you plan on abandoning my daughter too when she gives birth? You're just like all men! They run as soon as the girl is either pregnant or has a child." Bertha spoke.

"For the last time, I'm not going to leave Emily. When are you going to accept that we're happily and lovingly married?" Malcolm took a deep breath.

"Words mean nothing!" Bertha dismissed." Stop rolling me dammit."

She got out of the chair and took the closest seat on the plane.

"Move that chair will ya? What do you think this is, a supermarket?" Hilbert said behind Malcolm." Get it? Because supermarkets have aisles and planes have isles."

"I suggest you wait until we land so you can try to entertain the Kid and his Nanny instead." Malcolm brushed him off.

"My jokes not good enough for ya now?" Hilbert put his hands on his hips.

"Stick to children's parties." Sally said from behind him.

"Oh Niles, how fortunate, we get to go back to Europe." Martha said as she sat down next to him.

"East Europe though, dreadfully exclusive over there. Not like good ole' Britain." Niles pointed.

"See now neighbor, we're not even on the same plane as them." Jim nagged.

"I can see that neighbor as I too am interested in one of them." Bob rolled his eyes.

They passed the Half Sisters who took a seat close to the front of the plane.

"Now that those two lame-o's are out, we can really focus on the race." Mandy said.

"Yup. No more 15th place for us!" Maya agreed.

* * *

 **(Team Confessionals)**

 **Half Sisters**

 **Maya:** Last time we almost lost because those two phone dorks kept getting in our way.

 **Mandy:** Now we're gonna ace this race.

 **Maya:** And look good while doing it!

* * *

The first plane was landing in Kaunas. The five first teams didn't waste any time exiting it.

"Dar she blows Carl. A Chris Coffer!" Roscoe pointed at a Chris Cubicle at the exit of the airport.

Carl ran to it, the other four teams including the Cat Lady and Cat who were furious after being placed in the cages for so long, followed them. Carl pressed the button.

"Oy, it's a Superteam challenge." He read." Basket Heads be the name of the task."

"Lithuania's most beloved sport is Basketball. Here in Kaunas is the biggest basketball court which has been the site for many Euro sports' games. Each five teams from each plane have to form a team to play off against a pro regional team in a friendly game of Basketball. Each team has to choose one team member to compete. So technically, it's both a Superteam and a Botch or Watch at the same time." Chris spoke off camera as it filmed a basketball court." As soon as each team member competing gets to score a shot, the five teams can move on to the next task."

"We have to work together? Challenge accepted!" Troy decided.

It was a short taxi ride to the gym and all teams made it there within minutes of each other. In the meantime, they had delegated among themselves who was to play ball. Carl was chosen to play because of Roscoe's hook and peg leg. Alexis and Troy both wanted to but it came down to Troy. Dirk was the obvious choice between the two as was Helen. Linda decided to take part as Carol was absolutely inept with balls, as she put it. They all entered the section designed for the challenge. There were several courts next to each other. The first five teams all rushed to the one where five other players in basketball shorts and tank tops were shooting some hoops. The players got into position and waited for the contestants to get ready.

"Alright, we may be rivals in this competition, but this time we have to work together. Best case scenario we stay in the lead and none of us get eliminated." Troy addressed.

"I concur." Linda nodded as they were huddled.

"Meoookay." Helen agreed.

"Can we just play some dang ball already?" Dirk was fidgety.

The five contestants spread out on their side of the court. The rest of the contestants who have to watch stood by and cheered. The referee blew his whistle.

* * *

 **(Team Confessionals)**

 **Cat Lady and Cat**

 **McFluff:** Meowow meow.

 **Helen:** What am I supposed to do? I have to play this stupid game.

 **McFluff:** Mew.

 **Helen:** You can't do this Mr. McFluff, you're too short. The next Botch or Watch better be easier.

* * *

The third bunch of teams were still in the air. The Clown and Mime were preparing some props.

"Got the balloons and pies ready?" Hilbert asked.

"Yeah, they're all set. Got my makeup kit?" Sally returned.

"Check." Hilbert assured.

"We may have failed to wow them with our hilarious clown routine and dazzling miming yesterday but today we are going to blow their minds." Sally said confidently.

"Yeah whatever." Hilbert rolled his eyes.

"Hey, you're going to try aren't you? We're a team. Me wowing them won't be enough." Sally questioned.

"Don't you need to wow them yourself first?" Hilbert raised an eyebrow.

Sally punched his arm." I wasn't the one who got a kick in the nards from a ten year old."

"That kid's an exception. He looks like one of those homeschooled special needs kids." Hilbert excused." Doesn't count."

"Prove it. Make some other kid laugh." Sally challenged.

"Alright, I will." He said decidedly." If, you can make someone tip you for a routine."

"You're on." She sat back in her seat.

* * *

 **(Team Confessionals)**

 **Clown and Mime**

 **Hilbert:** Since I pulled most of the weight last time, it's your turn to get us the win.

 **Sally:** Win? You had two clown themed tasks and we still came in 12th.

 **Hilbert:** Yeah well you held me back.

 **Sally:** You can't hold someone back if they were never in the front in the first place.

 **Hilbert:** Why don't you make like a mime and shut up.

* * *

"Pass it! I'm open!" Carl called out but Dirk wasn't listening.

Dirk ignored him and took the shot. It was blocked and now the other team had the ball. They quickly passed it around and maneuvered to the other half of the court and dunked a ball.

"Arr, you boy, with the thick head. Pass the darned ball." Roscoe called out.

"Butt out of it captain Finch." Dirk mocked.

The ball again was in their possession. Linda passed it to Carl who sent it back to her. A couple of players were closing in on her.

"Troy, your witness." She said as she passed it to him.

Troy ran quickly, dribbling the ball along the way. He was faster than the other players and took the shot, successfully scoring.

"Alright! That's my man!" Alexis cheered loudly from the sidelines.

"One down, four to go. You guys are gonna need to step it up. Alexis and I should be in the lead now but we have to stick around and wait until you all score." Troy said.

"Then don't score and pass it to me." Dirk told blatantly.

They started again and the ball was with the other team. Troy charged ahead and tried to steal it but one dude passed it to another who was near Carl. Carl blocked his way. The player threw it to another but Troy ran quickly in front of the ball and caught it. He dribbled it until past the middle line. He was surrounded so he threw it to Helen who was waiting near the basket of the other team. She grabbed it and tossed it upwards but failed to score. Luckily no one from the other team had caught up to her and she got it again. She tried again and this time scored the shot.

"Meowwalright!" She cheered hoarsely.

* * *

 **(Team Confessionals)**

 **Bully and Geek**

 **Dirk:** They're so stupid. They should pass me. I would score for us all.

 **Andy:** (With his laptop) Actually you can't. They need to score for themselves for any of us to be able to move on.

 **Dirk:** (He turns angrily to Andy and clicks the windows button on his laptop, minimizing his game).

 **Andy:** No! Ugh. Diablo killed me. Now I have to walk all that way because I forgot to open a portal near him.

 **Dirk:** Ha! Ha!

* * *

The second plane landed and the teams all rushed to the court. When they got there, they were relieved to see the other five teams were still not finished with this task. They immediately started picking their team members.

"Ooh, me nanny, me!" Billy jumped.

"Go for it Billy." She allowed.

"Yay!" He ran to the court excitedly.

"I had the last one bro, you can do this one. Besides, you're better at basketball than I am." Rex told.

"Aight bro. There's no way we won't win this." Jake fist bumped him.

"I don't know about you but I think…" Dipper started.

"Me! I should. I'll crush them!" Mabel continued.

"Okay then. Have fun." He backed off.

"Rawr! I'm coming for you all." She charged for the court.

"Nurse, take care of this." Sherman ordered.

"Yes doctor." She agreed without question.

"Hmm, neither of us is proficient in this child's sport. What shall we do?" Gunhilda rubbed her chin.

"I suggest you go on about this one while I concoct something that might assist us soon. In the following task, you can rest while I take it on." Leticia reasoned.

"Make it a worthwhile potion sister. We must begin to take down our opposition." Gunhilda alerted.

The other team noticed the arrival of the next five and upped their game. Carl had just scored a basket and the others cheered. Only two more points for them to move on.

* * *

 **(Team Confessionals)**

 **Kid and Nanny**

 **Annie:** Now Billy, remember, you have to pass the ball around alright? We can't go anywhere if the others don't get a point too.

 **Billy:** I know. Sports are team games.

 **Annie:** You really think so? Good boy Billy!

* * *

"Two more points guys. Dirk and Linda, it's up to you now. If we can do this before the last plane arrives, we are pretty much set for this challenge." Troy addressed.

"I'll take the stand then." Linda nodded.

"If y'all would pass me, I'd already be winning." Dirk pouted.

"Well your chance is gonna come now. Get ready." Troy broke the huddle.

They began the round again and immediately Troy grabbed the ball. He tossed it Carl who walked with it a bit before sending it over to Troy again. Dirk and Linda had both ran all the way to the other side of the court. He passed it to Helen who was halfway between him and them. She was about to throw it but saw Linda open and close to the net. She passed it to repay the favor for the plane. Linda then threw the ball and scored.

"Hey! I was waiting!" Dirk raged.

"We got a point though. Your turn is now." Carl said.

"Shut up! I was supposed to get that pass. Hey crazy cat lady, pass me the ball next time." Dirk shouted.

"Neoo!" She refused stubbornly.

"Cool it kid." Troy glared at him.

"Don't call me a kid, old fart." Dirk scowled.

Alexis stomped up to him, grabbed him by the collar and slapped him three times back and forth.

"Now will you be a good boy and behave?" She said in his face.

He was red with embarrassment. He just nodded nervously.

"Good." She dropped him." Carry on everyone."

* * *

 **(Team Confessionals)**

 **Adrenaline Junkies**

 **Troy:** That was the hottest thing I've ever seen!

 **Alexis:** He was starting to piss me off. He was asking for it.

 **Troy:** If we weren't in a challenge, I'd be taking you bungee jumping babe.

 **Alexis:** Careful honey, I might hold you on to that later on.

 **Troy:** If we come in first today, I'll add in a fancy dinner.

 **Alexis:** That settles it, we definitely have to come in first today.

* * *

The referee blew the whistle for the second group and the game began with the ball with Mabel. She passed it over to Billy who ran fast. Due to his short stature, he was able to duck most of the other players. On the other side was Mabel again. He tossed the ball to her as he was hounded by players. She grabbed it and dunked a ball quickly.

"Take that Lithuanians!" She rubbed it in.

"Cool! We're off to a good start." Dipper said from the sidelines.

They began again, the ball with the home players. They were passing the ball steadily making progress before Billy managed to quickly snatch it before it got to be passed to the guy right under the net. He passed it to Judy, who threw it to Gunhilda, who gave it to Jake. Jake tossed the ball and scored.

"Woohoo!" Billy ran up and high fived Jake.

The other team were being shown by a ten year old and they did not like it. Meanwhile, the third plane had landed and the last teams made it to the court. They were just in time to see the first five teams getting ready to score.

"Over here." Dirk shouted.

Linda had the ball and passed it to him. He was under the net. He aimed and took a shot. It entered the basket. They were all relieved and all headed out the other side of the court.

"Man, that lawyer sure can throw a ball." Bob whistled." I couldn't see if it was Linda or Carol."

"Yeah me neither neighbor but I sure liked what I saw." Jim agreed.

"We're way behind neighbor. We need to catch up to them." Bob said." I think you should take this task. I blew it with the pogo stick. I don't wanna repeat that."

"Fine by me." Jim shrugged.

"Mm, I doubt you'd even try. Might as well save myself the argument." Malcolm volunteered.

"Maybe you aren't as foolish as I think. Next time do it without whining." Bertha criticized.

"I don't suppose you're any good with Basketball Niles?" Martha was pessimistic.

"I am actually. I used to play professionally in my youth." Niles raised his chest." Allow me Madame."

"Marvelous." She smiled in relief.

"This is also yours." Sally said to Hilbert.

"Okay, just let me know when you think you can be useful for once." Hilbert said sarcastically.

"Hey, if I wanted to go into sports, I wouldn't be miming for a living." She excused.

"Now what Mandy? Basketball is lame. I only cheer for basketball players." Maya said.

"Sit down bonehead. I play for our school's volleyball team, remember? How far off could basketball be?" Mandy said.

The first five teams found the next Chris Cubicle. Troy punched the button in and a ticket came out.

"Hill of Crosses?" He read.

The camera started showing scenes of a hill covered with thousands of crosses of all shapes, colors and sizes.

"The Hill of Crosses, a popular pilgrimage site for devout religious folk. The teams have to take a long taxi ride to the Hill in the Siauliai county. There they'll have to search out among the crosses for a flag with my face on it which they'll need for the final part of the challenge." Chris spoke.

"Well it looks like this is where we part ways. It was a pleasure doing business with you all." Linda bowed courteously before halting a cab. The others were quick to follow.

* * *

 **(Team Confessionals)**

 **Lawyers**

 **Linda:** Took us a little while but we're finally on the road. The other teams have a lot of catching up to do. We should be doing fine.

 **Carol:** So far it has been awfully within the legal boundaries. It appears Chris is feeling cautious. Maybe I can go over the show's contracts again in the taxi.

 **Linda:** I have a better idea. We should look up Lithuanian law. That way we can both catch Chris in the act and at the same time remain within the law in the challenge.

 **Carol:** Good thinking Linda. European law is not the same as the American one.

* * *

 **(Team Confessionals)**

 **Cosplayers**

 **Marley:** Did you see how I beat those basketball players? They didn't stand a chance.

 **Ulrich:** Good job Mabel, I think we can make the top five this time if we keep this up.

* * *

So far, the second bunch of teams had only scored two of the five points. Gunhilda, Judy and Billy still had to score. The third bunch were only just starting and needed all five points.

"Here, pass it!" Hilbert called out.

Jim was dribbling, he got surrounded and threw it to Hilbert. He in turn moved forward and passed it to Malcolm. He saw Mandy open and passed it to her but instead of catching it, she hit the ball as though it were a volleyball. It was sent outside of the court.

"Ouch!" She rubbed her wrists." Basketballs are heavy and rough."

"You're supposed to catch it dumbass." Maya frowned.

"Oops." She laughed nervously.

Over on the other court, Gunhilda had just scored a ball after Billy snatched it from the opposing team players and passed it to her.

"Way to go little man!" Jake tousled his hair.

"Our teamwork is proving prosperous. Two more like that and we shall move on." Gunhilda was panting.

The ball was starting again. It was with the other team and having passed it around and made a shot which was a goal, the ball was back again with the contestants. As the whistle was blown, Jake took the ball and passed it to Mabel who gave it to Gunhilda. At that instant, Gunhilda blacked out and dropped the ball. She raised her head looking upwards and shuddered as if in pain. The others looked worried. Leticia smirked.

"Yo, the brown woman's sick or something." Jake called out.

"Out of my way." Sherman stepped into the court.

He had a bag with him and Judy stood by his side. Gunhilda though was still standing. She breathed hard and then calmed down.

"I am fine. I just felt lightheaded for a moment." She brushed off the doctor.

"The symptoms I saw were not lightheadedness." Sherman refused to budge.

She turned and glared at him." It was. Now, if you wish to continue wasting valuable challenge time, the Husband and Mother In Law are about to score a point as we speak."

"Wait, how did you…" Dipper began to ask.

Cheering was heard from the other court as Malcolm scored for his group.

"We're wasting much needed time. Resume the game or else." Gunhilda insisted.

They saw it best to listen to her. She seemed fine. They went back to their places and soon they were back to the game.

* * *

 **(Team Confessionals)**

 **Air Guitarists**

 **Jake:** Dude that was freaky. I thought that nomad woman was having some heart attack or something.

 **Rex:** Nah man, it was more like she was getting possessed or something.

 **Jake:** (Shudders) Whatever it is, I'm glad she's fine. It would suck if someone was gonna lose because of something health related.

 **Rex:** True brotha! Now go back out there and rock that court!

* * *

 **(Team Confessionals)**

 **Cosplayers**

 **Ulrich:** Something's up with those two. I know what the paranormal looks like and that was no coincidence. Those Gypsies are something else.

 **Marley:** Dipper you're overreacting. She was just dizzy. She's like 99 years old. It's a wonder she can even run, let alone play basketball.

 **Ulrich:** No no, that was, that was… I know, she saw the future. She had to. I need to find out what her deal is.

 **Marley:** Welp, here we go again on another paranormal investigation.

* * *

 **(Team Confessionals)**

 **Doctor and Nurse**

 **Sherman:** That was no lightheadedness. If anything, it mostly resembled a seizure. Now why would she hide the fact that she had a seizure?

 **Judy:** Maybe she was…

 **Sherman:** Nurse, what did I say about you talking?

 **Judy:** (She flinches) I'm sorry doctor. It won't happen again.

 **Sherman:** It better not.

* * *

 **(Team Confessionals)**

 **Gypsies**

 **Leticia:** The timing was bad, but we are fortunate never the less. Tell me, what did you see?

 **Gunhilda:** I had a very clear premonition Leticia. I saw the events of the day unfold. I know whom we are to hinder and what to do in the coming tasks. I saw it all from the moment that man shot the ball in the net.

 **Leticia:** This is very fine news indeed. We not only know of our safety, but of what to do. Your gift has most certainly pulled through this time sister.

 **Gunhilda:** Do not rush to conclusions yet friend. The stars are unstable. The future is not certain and only if we do our part shall fate remain as I foresaw it. Things could go very differently if we are not vigilant.

 **Leticia:** I shall mix the ingredients you saw and prepare the necessary tonic for today's victims. They shan't know what hit them.

* * *

Mandy eventually understood the game and was doing better now. She managed to score a basket. Only three more from her team needed to score. Currently they were working on the third goal.

"Pass to me, I'm open." Hilbert called out.

Niles tossed him the ball. He took the shot but it failed miserably, not even touching the net. This happened for the third time now.

"Ahh forget this." He stomped right out of the gym.

"Hey clown, where are you going?" Maya asked.

"I'm out." He said." Come on Sally."

"What do you mean out? You can't leave us." Malcolm waited.

"Watch us." He ended as he took the next ticket and called a taxi.

"Can we continue with just four of us?" Mandy asked.

"I suppose we'd all be held in contempt if we all broke a rule here but I predict Chris would understand our predicament." Niles voiced.

"Then let's hurry. If we are going to have a penalty, we're going to need all the time we can get." Malcolm said.

* * *

 **(Team Confessionals)**

 **Clown and Mime**

 **Sally:** Well someone's a troll.

 **Hilbert:** Basketball is stupid. I aint gonna waste my time on it.

 **Sally:** You do realize we're making enemies like this. I thought you wanted to make them laugh.

 **Hilbert:** I can't do that if I don't stay in the race, duh.

* * *

 **(Team Confessionals)**

 **Housekeeper and Butler**

 **Martha:** Shameful. They abandoned their comrades.

 **Niles:** If it were Britain, they would have been executed. Perhaps they shall be, when Chris finds out their rule breaking.

 **Martha:** I do hope we are spared from the punishment as well. It was not our choice to have a team walk out.

* * *

Nearing the next location, the lawyers were deep in conversation about the laws of Lithuania. The taxi driver was worried from their conversation about law breaking that they might sue him so he wanted to get them to their destination as fast as possible. They were the first to reach the Hill of Crosses. It was now night time.

"Interesting location." Linda looked at her surroundings.

The hill was dark, little lighting mostly by the moon. They could see in front of them the endless rows and stacks of crosses. Most of them had the Lithuanian flag on them. There was a Chris Cubicle at the edge of the hill.

"And it seems we are first." Linda said as she pressed the button." It's a Botch or Watch again. We must find a flag with non-other than Chris' face on it. Why does that not surprise me?"

"At least it's a relatively simple and safe task this time." Carol said.

"The ticket says the one who did not play basketball has to do the searching." Linda read on." Your go with the jury Carol."

They didn't have much of a lead as more teams were arriving on the scene. The Adrenaline Junkies and the Bully and Geek made it as well. They got their tickets.

"Aww, I have to sit around doing nothing." Troy whined.

"You won't be sitting for long. That flag is gonna be mine in a flash." Alexis assured.

"Hey cool, it's my turn!" Andy piped up.

"If you take your laptop with you, I'm going to give you a wedgie so deep you'll need Tentacles for Arms to take it out." Dirk threatened.

"Okay! I wasn't going to, gosh!" Andy ran out towards the crosses.

* * *

 **(Team Confessionals)**

 **Adrenaline Junkies**

 **Alexis:** I don't see the pirates here. Good, there's no one to try and take first from us this time.

 **Troy:** Not that they could do it again anyway.

* * *

With the second group playing ball, they had trouble getting Judy to score. Her throw was either inaccurate or not strong enough to sink the ball in the net. They were getting tired as well. The other group was having less difficulty however and Niles had scored easily. It was down to Jim.

"One more to go. Let's try and hurry. We're about to beat those five teams over there." Malcolm said in his team's huddle.

"Yeah, we really gotta get out of the bottom five already." Mandy agreed.

"Let's focus on getting Jim the ball. Go to the other side of the court when we have the ball." Malcolm planned.

The team separated and began the game. Over on the other court, Mabel was dribbling quickly and passed the ball to Jake but another player from the regional team grabbed it midair. He was about to go run to the other basket when Billy snatched the ball mid dribble. He giggled as he threw it to Gunhilda who passed it to Judy. Judy took the shot carefully, getting a basket. The whole team cheered.

"Alright Billy!" Annie shouted from the bleachers.

The opposing team were getting furious. It was now down to one goal for Billy for the second group and one goal for Jim for the last place group. On the bleachers, Dipper had been observing Gunhilda before turning to Leticia. He snuck up on her and stood close to her. He tried looking for any sign for the paranormal. She suddenly turned to him, as if sensing he was there. He faltered and laughed nervously as he pretended to watch the game. Leticia eyed him suspiciously, smiling to herself.

"Why isn't it a lovely night? We are almost through with our short-lived teamwork." She told him in a gentle way." Would you like some tea dear?"

She took out a packet from her bosom, as well as a glass. Dipper had a weirded out look.

"How much stuff do you have, um, in there?" He asked, trying not to be impolite.

"More than you would know." She smiled knowingly." So how about that tea?"

She was about to pour a glass.

"Uh, no thanks." He waved his hands quickly, trying to come up with an excuse." I wouldn't be, uh, able to finish it because we're almost done."

"Oh but it's not a bother at all. There's always more where that came from." She pursued." I insist."

Not knowing what to respond, Dipper watched as Leticia poured a small glass of the so called tea which looked rather dark as it was being poured. She smiled wide as she handed it to him. He smiled back nervously, bringing the glass to his lips. He made as though he were about to take a sip but only put the glass to his lips. Leticia smiled at him.

"Well dearie, how was it? It's my family's secret recipe." She said this with a pause at the word family.

"It's good. Thanks." He said quietly, having pretended to drink.

A sudden burst in cheers brought them out of their interaction as they turned to see the other group surrounding Jim. It appeared he had just scored a ball.

"Jolly good show Sir Jim. Well done!" Niles congratulated." Off we go now."

They all rushed outside of the gym.

* * *

 **(Team Confessionals)**

 **Neighbors**

 **Jim:** I call this a good effort, we managed to beat those five teams still playing. This time we have to win the challenge. The Lawyer chicks need to see our exceptional skills.

 **Bob:** Yeah neighbor, good job. Now let's get to that weird cross place.

* * *

 **(Team Confessionals)**

 **Gypsies**

 **Gunhilda:** You look content Leticia.

 **Leticia:** It went as you foretold it sister, the lad was suspicious but he took the potion.

 **Gunhilda:** Excellent, now we wait as destiny unfolds.

* * *

 **(Team Confessionals)**

 **Cosplayers**

 **Marley:** What is that smell Dipper? It smells like, like, lizards and rats.

 **Ulrich:** It's this. (he took out the cup of 'tea').

 **Marley:** Hey where'd you get that? I want some.

 **Ulrich:** No way Mabel. That white haired gypsy woman gave it to me. She took it out of her, um, well nevermind. And it's not tea, I'm sure of it. I don't trust those two at all. I'm going to have to test this.

 **Marley:** Oooh, is it poison? I think it's poison.

 **Ulrich:** It could be. That's why no one must drink this under any circumstances, you hear me Mabel? We have to keep this safe until we figure out what it's made of.

* * *

The Cat Lady and Cat as well as the Pirate and First Mate had arrived to the hill as well.

"I can't go get the flag Mr. McFluff, you go get it for us now." Helen spoke to McFluff.

It was as if it understood her and it ran to the crosses.

"Arrright, time to find the map to the buried treasure!" Roscoe fixed his pirate hat." Lookie at all those graves Carl. Something tells me this won't be easy. The dead protect their treasures with zeal."

"Cap'n, I don't think we're gonna have that problem." Carl tried to placate him.

"I'll be prepared either way." Roscoe said as he took out his sword.

"Really cap'n, I don't think that's necessary." Carl attempted.

"Relax Carl, I'll be back in a jiffy." Roscoe assured as he walked into the cross maze.

"He's got a sword, I wouldn't worry." Troy said as he had observed their interaction.

"It's not him I'm concerned about. I'm more worried about who he runs into." Carl said absentmindedly.

"Hey, how come you don't have that pirate accent too?" Linda detected.

"Oh, uh." Carl felt a wave of heat go over him as he searched for a reason." I'm a new recruit."

"Makes sense. He didn't put on a fake clothes hanger tip and a rolling pin yet." Laughed Dirk obnoxiously.

Troy and Helen both laughed at this too. Carl frowned but turned his back to them.

"You wouldn't understand anyway." He mumbled to himself.

* * *

 **(Team Confessionals)**

 **Pirate and First Mate**

 **Roscoe:** It will be easy pickings. I can spot an enemy flag miles away.

 **Carl:** Just be careful with your sword cap'n. We don't want a repeat of the mall last year.

 **Roscoe:** That was not me fault Carl. It was the last bottle of rum and the damned man was about to take it before me. I had to challenge him to a sword fight.

 **Carl:** We're already banned from entering one state, try not to get us kicked off of Europe too.

 **Roscoe:** Arr, ye can never keep a Pirate out!

* * *

Over on the basketball court, the ball was on the move with the opposing team. As a guy made an attempt at the basket, Mabel jumped and slammed the ball away. She laughed loudly. Judy grabbed the ball and tossed it to Jake.

"Alright! Here I come little man." Jake said as he dribbled it, running to the other side of the court.

Billy was waiting for him there but a guy from the Lithuanian team was blocking him. Billy ducked under his legs and crawled forward, quickly getting to his feet as Jake passed the ball to him. The guy looked down and scowled at being fooled. Billy had no one around him as he made it to the net and tossed the ball, getting a ball in. The team ran to him cheering. The Lithuanian team stood embarrassed. They started to leave the court. The player whom Billy crawled under walked by Billy, harshly knocking him by the side, knocking Billy to the floor.

"Oof! Hey!" Billy cried out.

Annie marched up to the player angrily. She walked right up to him and kicked him in the groin. He toppled over, crying out in a squeal. Annie huffed and turned to Billy, lifting him up and carrying him.

"Let's go Billy." She said sternly.

Billy looked back at the players and made a face with Mickey Mouse ears. The other teams didn't stick around either.

* * *

 **(Team Confessionals)**

 **Kid and Nanny**

 **Billy:** Jerk. But you were so cool like, roar, no one hurts Billy and BAM you went all power puff girl on him and you kicked his butt. Not his butt, his peepee hehe.

 **Annie:** See what happens when you aren't a good sport? You get kicks to your peepee. That's why you should always play like a good sport.

* * *

While most teams were still in the taxi ride, the Clown and Mime were the sixth team to make it to the next location.

"No fair, why do you get the easy part?" Hilbert said as he read the ticket.

"Easy? I have to walk around those creepy crosses all night while you're here camping." Sally rebutted.

"You better not take all night." Hilbert warned.

"Meanwhile, why don't you try to make someone laugh for a change? There's a bunch here waiting like you, go ahead." Sally told him.

"Yeah yeah, just go already." He pushed her towards the hill.

After she went in, he turned to see who was there. None of them looked like the clown loving type except maybe Dirk. He took out a balloon and walked up to him. He wordlessly began blowing air into it until it filled up in the shape of a long green pole. He then began twisting it around until he tied it in the shape of a person.

"That's you." He said to Dirk who was watching unamused.

He then tied a string around the arm and looped it across the front of the balloon figure. He started pulling the string, the arm was being pulled to the other side across the front, causing it to bump into the head of the balloon figure.

"Why are you hitting yourself? Stop hitting yourself." Hilbert voiced before bursting out in a loud laugh.

Dirk frowned and swatted the balloon away. He then spun Hilbert around and grabbed his arm, moving it roughly to his face, punching him.

"Who's hitting himself now huh?" Dirk said.

"Uncle! Uncle!" Hilbert cried out.

* * *

 **(Team Confessionals)**

 **Clown and Mime**

 **Sally:** (She laughs uncontrollably).

 **Hilbert:** Shut up!

 **Sally:** You got beat up by a teenager.

 **Hilbert:** I just didn't fight back because he's a minor.

 **Sally:** Oh yeah, you're all heart and morals alright.

 **Hilbert:** (He grabs her hand, she gets electrocuted. He had a buzzer in his hand).

* * *

In the hill, it was quiet as it expanded over quite some distance. Carol was walking thinking this was going to be easy. She saw many Lithuanian flags perched on top of the various crosses. She was yet to find a Chris flag. As she walked deeper, she felt an eerie presence, like she wasn't alone. She finally spotted a cross that had a flag on it. As she bent to pick it up, the earth in front of the cross erupted as a hand shot out of it. Carol yelped and moved back. The ground rose higher as the appendage extended and out of the earth slowly came a rotted figure covered in dirt and worms. It stood up and began walking slowly toward her with both arms extended a blank expression on its face.

"Back you, back!" Carol whimpered.

She was backing up until she felt a cold chest behind her. She turned to see another one with missing teeth. It lunged forward at her. She shrieked and ducked, running to the side. She kept running back from where she came but found a high gate. It was closed.

"What? This was not here before." She panicked, fiddling with the door but it was not opening.

She spotted a local guard on the other side.

"Help!" She called out, looking behind her.

The guard pointed at a nearby sign. She quickly read over it

 _Leave this hill well behind_

 _Or risk the loss of mind_

 _Seek the flag, don't be blind_

 _There the key you shall find_

At the bottom were the initials 'CM'

"Curse Chris and his life threatening challenges." Carol huffed as she ran back into the hill.

* * *

 **(Team Confessionals)**

 **Lawyers**

 **Carol:** I'm going to make sure Chris never hosts another show, as soon as I survive this crisis.

 **Linda:** To be fair, no laws were broken.

 **Carol:** The law may say nothing about hosting a challenge on the hill where interns waited underground in undead costumes and attacked the teams, but that doesn't mean it should be allowed!

 **Linda:** It does make for good television though.

 **Carol:** Linda, you're fired.

* * *

Four more teams had made it to the hill and had started the search. No one had gotten a flag yet. As Roscoe walked hastily, he spotted a flag atop the hill. He was marching up towards it when a hand grabbed his ankle. He looked down and kicked the hand off.

"The dead rise to guard their treasure. Just as I predicted." Roscoe says.

More undead were rising from the ground around him. He took out his sword.

"Arr, bring it on ye corpses." He challenged.

They moaned and groaned as they walked slowly to him. He was about to swing his sword at them when Alexis charged by him screaming excitedly. He looked at her and saw her heading in the direction of the flag he spotted.

"Oh no you don't lassie, that be my flag." He ignored the zombies and followed her.

She grabbed the flag but as she turned around, she found a sword pointed at her chest.

"Ah ah ah, hand me that flag missus." He requested.

"Never!" She refused.

She kicked the sword aside and ran past him. He flailed his hook and grabbed her by the back of her shirt. He swiped his peg leg under her foot and tripped her. He grabbed the flag which had a key wrapped around it. He headed down, leaving her on the ground. The zombies had made their way up towards them. Roscoe took out his pistol and pointed it at the zombie right in front of him. The zombie's eyes widened. Roscoe pulled the trigger and a jet of water hit the zombie's face, washing off the blackish makeup. The zombie was relieved but fainted from fear. Roscoe started walking again when someone flipped in front of him and snatched the flag from him. It was Alexis. She smirked at him and ran forward.

"Get back here and fight me like a proper buccaneer." He called out.

He was slower than her and couldn't catch up to her.

* * *

 **(Team Confessionals)**

 **Pirate and First Mate**

 **Roscoe:** She won that battle but she is far from winning the war. Her fleet is no match for my ship.

 **Carl:** Cap'n, you took your fake sword with you right? Not the real one?

 **Roscoe:** That's what they think. Heh.

 **Carl:** (His expression turning grim). Roscoe, please don't use that sword!

 **Roscoe:** That's Cap'n Roscoe to you matey!

* * *

Andy was walking nervously between the crosses. He glanced right and left but only saw Lithuania flags. He was walking when he tripped and stumbled forward. He looked down to see what he tripped on. It was a small silver cross that had toppled over. He picked it up and examined it. He then felt a hand grip his shoulder. He screamed and turned quickly, shielding himself with the cross. He heard a groan as the body moved backwards. Andy opened his eyes to see a zombie. It had moved back, putting its arms in front of it to cover its face. Andy was at first spooked but he looked at the reaction and then at the cross. A smile spread across his face. He moved forward with the cross raised. The zombie backed away.

"By the power of the light, I smite you zombie scum!" He said as he flailed the cross at the zombie. The dead man retreated backwards.

"Way cool! I got the best zombie apocalypse weapon ever!" Andy marveled.

Moaning could be heard up ahead. He could also see a flag on a cross a few steps ahead of him. He took it and the key with it. He saw the zombies approaching. He ran screaming at them with the cross.

"Light Bolt! Holy beam!" He shouted as he aimed the cross like a magic wand at the quivering zombies. They all fled." It's super effective against the undead!"

He soon found the gate and used the key on it. The guard quickly shut the gate behind him. There was a Chris Cubicle near the gate. Andy pressed the button, he quickly grabbed the ticket, skipping down the hill till he found the rest. Dirk jumped up when he saw him.

"What the, how are you the first back? And what's with all the screaming?" Dirk asked.

"Zombies!" Andy said." But I beat them with a silver cross I found. It had a Light damage enchantment on it. Without it I wouldn't have been able to complete my quest."

"Just shut up. We're in first!" Dirk silenced.

"Oh and I got the ticket." Andy said as he started reading it to Dirk." It's an Either Or."

Chris faced the camera.

"The final part of the challenge is set in Vilnius which is a two hour drive from Siauliai without traffic. The teams have to deliver their flags there. They'll first be in a taxi until halfway where they have the option of going on in the taxi or taking a Hot Air Balloon ride right to the chillzone, placed on top of Gediminas Tower, a famous landmark in Vilnius." He said.

"Sweet, we're almost done!" Dirk grinned." Yo, taxi!"

* * *

 **(Team Confessionals)**

 **Bully and Geek**

 **Andy** : That was so epic! I got to fight zombies! And I came in first!

 **Dirk:** Big deal.

 **Andy:** Come on, we're in first. I did good.

 **Dirk:** You got lucky nerd.

* * *

The final five teams made it to the hill. All the teams were now either looking for the flag or the exit from the hill, besides the Bully and Geek. Some teams had it easy or were not deterred by the zombies. Bertha was rolling around in her wheelchair steadily. She had found a flag early on and was going back to the gate. A couple of zombies started crawling toward her.

"Get back! I don't spare change for beggars." She scowled.

When they relented, she took her cane from the back of the chair and bopped each zombie harshly on its head. They rubbed it, groaning.

"Go make an honest living you lousy homeless people." She said as she rolled away.

She found the gate. Just then McFluff jumped in her lap. It had a Chris flag in its mouth.

"Good kitty." Bertha said as she used the key on the gate.

The guard left it open for them and then closed it behind them.

"Now that's a hardworking man. Where's Malcolm to see what he'll never become?" Bertha praised.

McFluff jumped off her lap and directly on top of the Chris Cubicle, the button got pressed. McFluff took the ticket also in its mouth and scampered down the hill. Bertha took a ticket as well.

"Finally!" Came a voice behind them.

Alexis had finally found the gate and used the key. She darted past Bertha down the hill.

"And she's as disrespectful as Malcolm. Maybe he should have married her instead." She told the guard before she went down the hill.

"So far only four teams have found their way out of the maze of crosses." Chris spoke." In second, third and fourth are the Cat Lady and Cat, Adrenaline Junkies, and the Husband and Mother In Law respectively."

"A cat found a flag, took it off a cross and came here before most of the others? That's some trained cat bruh." Jake said as he watched the Cat Lady and Cat get in a taxi.

"Pfft, I have a trained pig back home!" Mabel said showing off.

Before Dipper had gone into the hill, he gave the cup of tea to Mabel. After a few minutes, she sat on the ground waiting. The cup next to her. Jake sat next to her.

"Ooh, nature calls! Quiet down I can hear you." Mabel got up quickly and went to an outhouse.

Jake noticed the cup on the ground. Without thinking he took it and chugged it down, thinking it to be water.

"That hit the spot. Basketball sure can dry your throat." He muttered.

* * *

 **(Team Confessionals)**

 **Husband and Mother-In-Law**

 **Malcolm:** Was it true what that boy said about there being zombies in there?

 **Bertha:** What zombies? All I saw was a bunch of beggars, hounding me for change. You know what else I saw?

 **Malcolm:** Your dead husband?

 **Bertha:** (She bops him with her cane). I found someone else for you to marry, someone more your level.

 **Malcolm:** You're joking right?

 **Bertha:** She's perfect for you. Tactless, reckless, and completely unladylike.

 **Malcolm:** Please tell me you're not talking about yourself.

 **Bertha:** I'm talking about that girl in the team with those acrobats.

 **Malcolm:** What? The Adrenaline Junkies? But, they're dating, and she's at least a decade younger than me.

 **Bertha:** Back in my day, age difference was encouraged.

 **Malcolm:** Why am I even having this conversation? No, just no!

* * *

Along the way in the maze, Maya met Annie and not long after that, Martha. All three were walking together.

"This place really creeps me out." Maya said, cowering slightly.

"You can say that again." Annie agreed.

"I do hope it is no hard feelings when one of us happens upon a flag." Martha hoped.

"Just as long as we don't steal from each other." Annie said.

"Of course." Martha said.

"Well good because I see one over there." Maya left them and ran to it.

"Good for you." Annie noted." Uh, Maya, what's that behind you?"

"I'm not falling for that." Maya rolled her eyes.

"I do hope you reconsider dear." Martha said as she stared just as frightened as Annie.

"What!?" Maya huffed and turned around to come face to face with a zombie.

"BRAINS!" He rasped, his nasty breath covering Maya's face.

"AAAHHH!" She screeched running back to Annie and Martha.

They looked the Zombie over as he slowly trudged their way.

"Brains!" One called from beside them.

All three screamed as they ran.

* * *

 **(Team Confessionals)**

 **Half Sisters**

 **Maya:** Ugh I need a shower! That thing's breath is all over me now. It's worse than cigarettes.

 **Mandy:** Tell me about it. I can't even be in this room with you. Ugh I need to get out.

* * *

Dipper was walking cautiously, he was curious about the crosses. The location seemed to exude a very supernatural presence. As a zombie emerged from the earth before him, he quickly hid behind a large cross.

"Fascinating. The power of the moon must have revived it in this ancient burial ground." Dipper spoke to himself.

As the zombie moved about aimlessly, Dipper watched in amazement. When the zombie was gone, he released a nervous breath. He noticed a shadow waving in front of him. He looked up and saw a Chris flag at the end of the large cross he was hiding behind. He climbed it quickly and took the flag. He didn't waste time as he made his way back to the gate. He found Roscoe on the other side, going down the hill. He quickly used the key and took the ticket.

"Fifth and sixth are already on to the last part." Chris said.

The Pirate and First Mate were in their taxi by the time Dipper made it to Mabel. She got up excitedly. He looked around her.

"Mabel, where's the gypsy's tea?" He asked.

"It's over here." She said as she pointed to the ground. She looked down but couldn't find it." Where did it go?"

"Mabel, please tell me you didn't drink it." Dipper's eyes widened.

"Of course I didn't! What do you think I am, an idiot?" She clasped her arms.

"Then where is it? I can't believe you lost it! Now how are we gonna prove those gypsies are evil?" He accused.

"We just wait and see what else they do. If they're evil then they'll do something really dastardly real soon." She simply said.

"That's dangerous!" He almost yelled." Ugh, no time, let's just get on with the race."

* * *

 **(Team Confessionals)**

 **Cosplayers**

 **Ulrich:** Whoever drank that cup is going to be in danger Mabel. You should have been more careful.

 **Marley:** What's the worst that can happen?

* * *

The rest of the teams were getting by as well. Sherman was surrounded by the zombies. He didn't look worried though. He took out a bunch of syringes. He grasped each between two fingers so that his hands had six of them. As the zombies approached, he swiftly threw the needles at them. The zombies dropped down immediately, convulsing before going limp. When they were cleared, Sherman walked past them and grabbed the flag they had been guarding. Leticia too had a similar trick up her sleeve when she came face to face with zombies. She took out a couple of small bags from her bosom. She tossed them between the hordes of zombies. The bags erupted in a foul smelling odor. Leticia covered her face with a handkerchief and watched as the zombies slowly dropped down unconscious. She smiled pleased and snatched a close by flag. Sally was walking quietly too. A zombie dug out of the earth in front of her. She was paralyzed with fear. The zombie though ignored her, it walked right by her, as if she was invisible. She released a breath. She turned to see the zombie chasing after Carol who was still running away from the zombies.

"Huh, maybe they can't see me under this makeup." She thought.

More zombies were approaching her. She extended her arms and walked just like them. They ignored her. She spotted a flag on a cross to the side. She walked slowly. She bent down slightly and took it. The zombies were ignoring her.

"Brains!" One of them said close to her, sniffing her. It walked right by her. It kept calling out 'brains'.

* * *

 **(Team Confessionals)**

 **Clown and Mime**

 **Hilbert:** (He laughs uncontrollably).

 **Sally:** Shut up!

 **Hilbert:** No brain Sally survives the zombie apocalypse!

 **Sally:** (She swings an invisible pan at him, smacking him.)

* * *

Chris announced 7th being the Doctor and Nurse, Gypsies at 8th the Clown and Mime at 9th followed by the Air Guitarists at 10th. In the taxi rides, the teams had to decide on the Either Or bit.

"Oh you know it. There's no way I'm staying in this taxi. If only we could ride that balloon earlier." Alexis said.

"Yeah same. Besides, it's faster. It's not even a hard choice." Troy added.

"Bertha, I really think it would be faster to go on the balloon." Malcolm pitched.

"No. I'd like to stay on the ground where mankind was meant to be." Bertha refused.

"Meh, if we lose at least I won't have to deal with you anymore." Malcolm gave in as he looked out the window of the cab.

"Too bad there isn't a third option. By ship." Roscoe rubbed his chin.

"Let's just stay in the taxi then." Carl suggested.

"That ain't me style. Balloons aren't much different from ships. Ye need the force of wind to sail." Roscoe said." Besides, do ya want to give those Adrenaline Junkies a reason to think less of us by taking the easy way out? I won't be Captain Roscoe Goldbrow if I didn't take on a challenge."

Carl sighed." As you wish cap'n."

Ulrich was dressed in vertically striped beige and black formal pants with a tan vest over a white shirt. Over it draped was a fancy purple jacket with a white cotton ball in the chest pocket and a red bowtie on his neck. On top of his head was a black top hat and he was wearing a monocle on his right eye. He had a big white fluffy mustache. Black shoes and white socks on his feet. Across his left shoulder to the right side of his waist was a blue strap with the word 'MAYOR' on it.

"Oh Miss Bellum, fetch me my jet please." He spoke in a squeaky voice.

Marley was sitting next to him in the cab. She was dressed in a red button up shirt over a short red skirt. A black belt across her waist that gave her an hourglass figure. She had a huge curly afro which seemed to cover her entire face. On her feet were red high heels.

"Mayor, we can't use a jet this time." She said in a deep voice.

"We can't?" He looked up at her.

"We can't. But we can use a balloon." She hinted.

"Oh! Yes, let's, and bring me my extendable punching glove too." He requested.

"Should we really Mayor? That didn't go well last time." Miss Bellum asked.

"How many missile launching buttons could there be Miss Bellum?" He asked.

* * *

 **(Team Confessionals)**

 **Husband and Mother-In-Law**

 **Malcolm:** Why couldn't those zombies just eat you?

 **Bertha:** I don't know. Why couldn't Emily just take Roberto?

 **Malcolm:** Who the hell is Roberto?

 **Bertha:** Her previous boyfriend. He was half American half Mexican and all man. Pure strong successful man. She had to pick you instead.

 **Malcolm:** I'm officially removing your name as godmother to our future children.

* * *

Back in the hill, Martha took the chance to snatch a flag from a cross as she, Maya and Annie were still running away from the zombies. It was quiet now and they took a moment to regain their breath.

"That was frightening." Martha said.

"We need one more flag." Maya panted.

"Hm, up there." Annie pointed to the top of a hill.

She ran to it. As she was going to grab it, a zombie sprang from the ground near it. Annie screamed, grabbed the flag and high-tailed it down the hill. The three of them kept running and screaming till they found the gate.

They came in 11th, 12th and 13th leaving only the Lawyers and Neighbors behind. Linda was worried as she saw more and more teams leave and Carol had not returned yet. Jim stood with her.

"I'm sure she's fine." He tried.

"We were the first here. It is odd she is still in there." Linda said.

"I hope Bob's okay too." He added as he looked at the hill.

* * *

 **(Team Confessionals)**

 **Neighbors**

 **Jim:** Neighbor, you were in there for a long time.

 **Bob:** Yeah I was helping Carol.

 **Jim:** Nice! Linda was worried about her. Good job scoring some trust points.

 **Bob:** Why do you think I was in there for so long? Okay, other than because I couldn't find a flag.

* * *

The Bully and Geek were halfway through the ride now. The driver notified them of the borders between Vilnius and the neighboring county. They saw the Hot Air Balloons docked ready for the challenge. They had decided to stay in the cab though. So far it was not a busy highway though and the car was going at a speedy pace. Andy was again playing on his laptop.

"Don't tell me you have Wi-Fi here too?" Dirk frowned.

"Nope, but I got offline games too." Andy shook his head." I'm playing Pandora's Box. It's a really old puzzle game about different places in the world and you can see the culture and history of them."

Dirk looked at the screen ready to make fun but he saw the world map and the different highlighted locations.

"Hey that could be useful, if we visit some of these places. We'd have an advantage over the other teams." Dirk realized." What do you know, you ARE useful even though you're a nerd."

"I also have Risk, the board game, but on the PC. It helps but not as much." Andy bragged.

"Yeah you do that geek stuff and when we get to the next location, you can fill me in on what I need to know to crush the other teams." Dirk said.

"Uh, sure." Andy agreed.

* * *

 **(Team Confessionals)**

 **Bully and Geek**

 **Andy:** Does that mean you won't pick on me anymore?

 **Dirk:** EEEUH! Wrong! (He grabs Andy and gives him a noogie).

 **Andy:** I guess not.

* * *

When the rest of the teams were crossing the halfway point, they either stuck in their taxi or got out to board the balloon. So far only the Adrenaline Junkies had taken that alternative. The race was on. In first were the Bully and Geek so far with the Cat Lady and Cat behind them and the Husband and Mother In Law behind them. It took some time to get the Hot Air Balloon ready for takeoff as no one was around to help who was going to ride it.

"More teams are choosing to stay in their taxis." Chris announced." But we do have the Pirate and First Mate as well as the Cosplayers next choosing to go in the air."

When the Pirate and First Mate arrived to the balloon location, the Adrenaline Junkies were just taking off.

"See ya at the chill zone!" Alexis waved.

Roscoe glared at her." Carl, double time. We need to stop those two from beating us to the buried treasure."

"Aye aye cap'n." Carl saluted as he began preparing the balloon for takeoff.

The Cosplayers were also there at the scene. Miss Bellum was doing quick work on getting the balloon ready. Eventually both teams got ready. As the Pirate and First Mate took off, the Cosplayers were right behind them.

* * *

 **(Team Confessionals)**

 **Adrenaline Junkies**

 **Alexis:** Aha, we are ahead of the Pirate! With our air travel expertise, there's no way he can beat us. He may rule the seas but we rule the skies! Hahaha!

 **Troy:** But babe, we're not even in first. Another team, is in first. The Pirate isn't the biggest threat today. Shouldn't we be focusing on the leading team?

 **Alexis:** No! The Pirate IS the biggest threat!

* * *

Back in the Hill of Crosses, Carol was getting tired from running so much. The zombies just wouldn't relent. She had her flag but she couldn't get to the exit. She was cornered and breathless.

"Brains!" The zombies went on.

They were so close. She gave up and closed her eyes. There was a thud and she felt a breath on her. She opened her eyes to see Bob. He had knocked out the zombie closest to her.

"Are you alright?" He asked.

"I, I am now." She said, looking up at him gratefully.

"Then let's go. The exit's not far from here. You have your flag right?" He asked.

"Yes. Let's go before they get us." She got up.

They maneuvered their way around the slow zombies until they got to the gate. They both went ahead and the guard shut it quickly in the face of the horde of zombies. They both took a moment to catch their breath.

"Thank you Bob. I wouldn't have made it out without you." Carol thanked.

"Don't mention it Carla." He said as he punched the button on the Chris Cubicle.

"It's Carol." She corrected.

"Right, well, let's go." He said as they went down the hill.

"And the last two teams are done with the second part of the challenge. It's now a matter of time before we have our winner and after that, today's losers." Chris spoke.

* * *

 **(Team Confessionals)**

 **Lawyers**

 **Carol:** Carla!? I have never been more embarrassed.

 **Linda:** It was close. I'd excuse him if I were you. He did save you afterall.

 **Carol:** This has been a disaster. From first to last. That was so not a safe and simple task.

 **Linda:** It's not over yet.

* * *

Three more teams arrived at the halfway point. The Doctor and Nurse decided to stay in the taxi. The Gypsies stayed in the taxi, in spite of their distaste of it. The Clown and Mime quickly prepped a Hot Air Balloon.

"We're going to smash this competition." Hilbert said." Throw out all unnecessary weight, quick."

"I would throw you out but then you're kinda necessary for the race." Sally said.

"You're so good at using your voice, it's easy to see why you suck as a mime." Hilbert said.

Up ahead, the Pirate and First Mate were trying to catch up to the Adrenaline Junkies.

"The tides are against us Carl! We need more manpower." Roscoe said, not taking his eyes off the Adrenaline Junkies' balloon in the distance.

Carl was worried about being reckless. He was keeping quiet. He didn't want to make any suggestions that they'd end up regretting.

"Drop all the anchors Carl. All of em." Roscoe ordered.

"B-but cap'n, we won't be able to descend if we do. We'd rise too high." Carl argued.

"I have an idea. Do you not trust your captain matey?" Roscoe asked, looking at him sincerely.

Carl bit back his response. He stared at Roscoe for a couple of seconds. Roscoe didn't wait for him though and started unhooking all the knots on the sandbags. The Balloon quickly started rising upwards. Carl watched in horror.

"The Pirate and First Mate are playing dangerously by losing their bags. Will they manage to land safely?" Chris asked." Another team facing trouble is the Cat Lady and Cat. It seems the driver is not too keen on a cat in his cab."

"Meowwhat do you mean get out? I paid you. You have to take me where I want." She argued.

"Get your animal and get out!" He shouted.

"Animal?" Helen's eye twitched. She launched furiously at him with her nails extended.

"Ouch, that cab driver is going to regret that." Chris announced." Too bad for the Cat Lady and Cat, they are frozen in their place now as more teams pass them."

* * *

 **(Team Confessionals)**

 **Cat Lady and Cat**

 **Helen:** Stinkin good for nothin taxi driver.

 **McFluff:** Meow.

 **Helen:** I don't think this show allows such bad words Mr. McFluff.

* * *

When the Adrenaline Junkies got wind of the Pirate and First Mate soaring so high above them, Alexis quickly started cutting down her bags as well.

"Alexis, you know that's a big mistake. We should never cut down all our bags at once. It's only going to end in a rough landing." Troy warned her.

"I'll get to that when I get to that. First, I have to deal with the Pirate though." She brushed off.

The Cosplayers were making steady progress. They saw the two teams ahead of them flying high and now they were the only ones on a relatively low level, at least this close to the next location. Behind them were the Air Guitarists though who were catching up.

"Ooyeah! Can you feel that fresh air? This is rad!" Rex said.

Jake was quiet. Rex turned to him, he was sitting down, clutching his stomach.

"Jake bro, what's wrong? You look like you ate one too many chili dogs." Rex asked worriedly.

"I don't know man. My stomach, it's killing me." Jake groaned.

"Mayor what are you doing!?" Miss Bellum asked.

Rex turned to see a red boxing glove coming right at their balloon. He quickly raised the heat on the balloon, causing it to climb a little higher.

"Hey! Not cool homies, not cool!" Rex frowned.

"Meet my fist, wrong doers!" They Mayor shouted as he extended his red boxing glove at them again.

As Rex prepared to alter the heat again, Jake got up and stood in front of Rex. He held both his hands and stopped him from doing anything.

"Jake, what the?" Rex struggled.

The boxing glove connected with their balloon. It hit the valve used to ignite the flame. It got shut off and the Balloon started to drop.

"No no no! Titanic's going down bro!" Rex tried to free himself but Jake had a strong grip on his hands.

Rex stared at him. Jake had a blank expression, almost lifeless.

"Byebye now!" Mayor called out." Stay out of trouble."

"Mayor! How could you!?" Miss Bellum frantically scolded.

The balloon eventually reached the ground, the impact tearing the fabric on the balloon. The Air guitarists got out safely. Jake sat on the ground near the highway though. Rex dusted himself off.

* * *

 **(Team Confessionals)**

 **Air Guitarists**

 **Rex:** What just happened bruh? We were doing so well. How did that happen?

 **Jake:** (Still staring blankly).

 **Rex:** Bro, speak to me. What happened? Why did you do that?

 **Jake:** (Not responding).

* * *

As the teams neared the tower, the traffic picked up. The Bully and Geek were the closest though and the tower was within eyesight.

"Dude, let's just get out." Dirk said, pulling Andy out without waiting for an answer.

They ran straight to the tower. Chris was waiting at the top. He looked down at them from the edge.

"Up you go. You only finish the task when you place the flag on one of these fourteen spots here." He said.

Dirk pulled Andy up the stairs until they reached the summit. There were holes for the flags all around the edges of the tower. One hole was at the center of the tower. It had the Lithuanian flag in it. Dirk marched to it, uprooted the flag and placed the Chris flag instead of it.

"Congratulations, you guys are the first team to make it." Chris grinned at them.

"Woohoo!" Andy jumped excitedly.

"Uhu, we won. Yeah, we won!" Dirk celebrated as well.

There were no other close teams yet. Meanwhile, the Neighbors an Lawyers who took the same cab reached the halfway point. They both though stayed in the taxi as neither wanted to go on the balloon.

"Last place is not a question for us. It doesn't matter who comes first between us as long as neither of us is in 15th." Linda said.

"I agree. We have to beat at least one team. I know we're in last but we might get lucky, yeah?" Jim pitched.

"Let's hope." Bob agreed.

* * *

 **(Team Confessionals)**

 **Neighbors**

 **Bob:** Best idea ever! We got to ride with them in the taxi.

 **Jim:** Last place doesn't feel so bad right now. We're making a lot of progress.

 **Bob:** I wonder what will happen if we lose. We might actually get them to agree to go out with us on a double date.

 **Jim:** I'd rather have that happen while we're still in the game neighbor.

 **Bob:** Yeah me too neighbor.

* * *

The Clown and Mime and Cosplayers were going faster than the ones on land. They were very close to the tower.

"You! You almost turned the whole city of Townsville black and white in silence." Mayor accused the Clown and Mime.

"You talking to us pal?" Hilbert faced.

"Yeah you. Wrong doer, I'll show you black and white." The Mayor said as he extended his boxing glove. It hit Sally in the face and she fainted.

"Why you…" Hilbert glared at him. He took out a pie and tossed it at the Mayor. He ducked and it instead covered Miss Bellum's face.

"You hit my dear Miss Bellum! I'll have you locked up you criminal." The Mayor extended his glove again.

They kept at it, not seeing where they were going until they both collided with the side of the tower. All four of them got knocked onto the top of the tower. Miss Bellum quickly took the flag and put it in one of the holes. She grabbed the Mayor who was stuck in a slapping contest with Hilbert. Sally herself had woken up and put their flag.

"Cosplayers, good job, you're in second!" Chris greeted.

"We did it Mayor! We made the top three." Miss Bellum said happily.

"Clown and Mime, you're in 3rd." Chris began.

"Yes!" Hilbert cheered." Our luck is…"

"Is what I would have said if you guys hadn't ditched the basketball game." Chris continued." 40 minute penalty for the both of you."

"...still crappy." Hilbert finished his sentence in a mumble.

"Move it Malcolm." Bertha ordered.

From the stairs came the Husband and Mother In Law. They placed their flag and got to the chill zone.

"And third place is taken!" Chris announced.

"This is your fault. You should have stuck to it like a man and got us a basket." Sally accused.

"I liked you better when you were knocked out." Hilbert clasped his arms.

* * *

 **(Team Confessionals)**

 **Husband and Mother-In-Law**

 **Bertha:** Now go back down there and get me my wheelchair.

 **Malcolm:** Ugh! Bertha. Don't you wanna enjoy the fact we got here in 3rd?

 **Bertha:** I can't enjoy it if I don't have a chair to sit on. Now git!

 **Malcolm:** Emily, you have a lot of making up to do for this.

* * *

Three more teams reached the chill zone. The Doctor and Nurse made it in 4th. The Gypsies in 5th and the Cat Lady and Cat arrived as well, after taking another taxi.

"Hold on just a minute Helen." Chris faced." Back in the Hill, McFluff didn't use its key to open the gate and hopped on Bertha's lap instead."

"Meono! McFluff couldn't open that gate. He told me, he said it was too high for him to reach." Helen defended.

"Sorry Helen. You're gonna have to receive a 10 minute penalty." Chris apologized.

"What!? You gave us four times as long of a penalty." Hilbert complained.

"Yeah well their excuse was almost convincing. You thought you could skip my challenge." Chris replied." You still have 26 minutes anyway."

"Meowell, at least that means we won't be last." Helen sat down with McFluff in her lap.

In the next 10 minutes, the Half Sisters, Kid and Nanny and Housekeeper and Butler all made it in 6th, 7th, and 8th.

"The ten minutes are up. Cat Lady and Cat, you're in 9th." Chris told.

* * *

 **(Team Confessionals)**

 **Gypsies**

 **Leticia:** How do we know for certain that your premonition will come true?

 **Gunhilda:** Be calm friend, I can feel it in my bones. The predicted course of action is well underway. It is only a matter of time. In any case, we are safe today. Even if destiny derails from its predestined path, some team shall fall.

 **Leticia:** It would bring me deeper satisfaction if that team could lose though.

 **Gunhilda:** As it would I. They have not come back yet. You shall see for yourself sister that my visions never lie.

* * *

"I could have sworn there were two teams ahead of us Mayor." Miss Bellum said." Whatever happened to them?"

"Yeah, the Pirates and the Adrenaline Junkies. They were in the lead." Hilbert remembered.

Way up high, the two said teams were right next to each other, and still ascending. It was becoming very dangerous as the altitude kept increasing.

"Cap'n, this is ridiculous! We need to get down." Carl shivered, from the cold and the fear.

"What he said!" Troy looked down and felt uneasy but not afraid.

Roscoe and Alexis though were too focused on proving the other was inferior to realize the peril until both of their balloons started running out of fuel. The flames quickly blew out. The Balloons started to descend, fast.

"We're gonna die! We're so gonna die!" Carl curled into a ball in the basket.

The balloons collided into each other, making it even heavier and it fell faster. They happened to be falling down above the tower. Roscoe noticed this. He grabbed Carl and as the balloons got closer, he jumped with Carl, they landed and rolled over to the center of the tower.

"What the heck!" Mandy was startled. She wasn't the only one. The rest of the teams were shocked.

Roscoe had landed on his back with Carl on top of him. Carl slowly opened his eyes to see Roscoe below him, looking at him with a laugh on his face.

"Always trust your captain." He said.

They both burst into a laugh.

"Pirate and First Mate." Chris addressed." You fell right into 10th place. Alive, this time."

The Adrenaline Junkies had remained in their basket. They took a minute to snap out of the shock of the fall. They quickly ran up the stairs and met the others. They glared angrily at the Pirate and First Mate.

"Adrenaline Junkies, 11th place." Chris told them.

"You almost got us killed!" Alexis accused.

"I was not the one who cut your bags missy." Roscoe responded.

"Watch it Pirate." Troy threatened.

"Alright cool it folks." Chris interfered." Clown and Mime, your penalty is up. You get to stay in the competition."

* * *

 **(Team Confessionals)**

 **Pirate and First Mate**

 **Roscoe:** I'm disappointed in you First Mate.

 **Carl:** Forgive me cap'n. I was wrong to doubt you.

 **Roscoe:** With me you won't know injury, you should know that by now.

 **Carl:** …I do cap'n. I do now.

 **Roscoe:** Well, what matters is we made it. Though we are far behind this time. We should not let distractions get to us any longer.

* * *

 **(Team Confessionals)**

 **Adrenaline Junkies**

 **Alexis:** That pirate gets on my nerves.

 **Troy:** Why? We're tougher, more athletic and more daring. You shouldn't be intimidated by him.

 **Alexis:** I'm not intimidated.

 **Troy:** Guess there won't be any bungee jumping anytime soon. We didn't even make the top ten.

 **Alexis:** It won't happen again.

* * *

 **(Team Confessionals)**

 **Clown and Mime**

 **Hilbert:** For crying out loud. We're still in 12th!

 **Sally:** If we leave this race in the top 12. I'm going to be so mad.

 **Hilbert:** At least we didn't come in dead last. Who would you bet on losing? I say the Neighbors. They're pathetic.

 **Sally:** Nah, those Lawyers are gonna get it. They're not meant to travel the world. They should stick to their office.

 **Hilbert:** The bet is on then.

* * *

The wait was a little long. It was uneventful until Billy started pointing at something.

"Look, look! Here they come!" He jumped.

They looked down to see a car coming up the driveway to the tower.

"Hey, I can't believe it. Is that.." Malcolm blinked.

Walking up the way was Rex. He was carrying a catatonic Jake on his shoulders. They were almost at the entrance to the tower when the taxi let down the two last teams. The Neighbors and the Lawyers broke into a sprint. All three teams were now inside the tower. The teams above wouldn't know who was ahead until a team showed up at the top. The first out were the Lawyers. As they made their way to the edge to place the flag, they ran to the center but Carol stopped Linda from crossing. The Neighbors were right behind them and they put their flag.

"Ladies, go on, cross." Bob said.

"You should cross before us." Carol insisted.

"Come on, it doesn't matter." Jim refused.

Rex grunted as he reached the top. Carol panicked, she pushed Bob onto the chill zone and then shoved Jim as well.

"Neighbors, 13th place." Chris announced.

Carol and Linda then stepped forward as well.

"Lawyers, 14th." Chris followed up.

Rex watched in disappointment. He slowly let Jake down. Jake was still out of it. Leticia took out a vial of clear fluid and poured it in a cup.

"Oh child, you look pale as a scorpion on a moonlit night." She spoke." Here drink, have some water."

She handed him the cup. He drowned the cup down. His expression slowly began to change to its usual self.

"Wha, what happened?" He asked groggily.

"Dude! You're back!" Rex cried cheerfully as he hugged him." I was so worried about you. I thought you went into some, like, coma or something. I didn't know all you needed was a glass of water."

"I was out?" He asked, as if not aware of anything.

"You were out, and you are both out now." Chris told them." It's time to go home guys."

"Aww man, I caused this didn't I?" Jake lowered his head.

* * *

 **Elimination Montage**

* * *

"I guess we had fun though." Jake began." I just don't know what happened."

"Yeah, you were totally on a high, except you weren't on anything. You were just high." Rex told." I had no idea thirst could do that. Water is pretty awesome!"

"I'll miss this shindig. California rocked, and Lithuania was pretty cool too. I wish we could have done more ya know homie?" Jake started.

"It's okay bro. What matters is you're okay. That's the most important thing." Rex smiled." And our guitars."

"Yeah our guitars!" Jake agreed.

They both began playing on their nonexistent guitars.

* * *

 **Team Placements**

 **1** **st** **:** Bully and Geek

 **2** **nd** **:** Cosplayers

 **3** **rd** **:** Husband and Mother-In-Law

 **4** **th** **:** Doctor and Nurse

 **5** **th** **:** Gypsies

 **6** **th** **:** Half Sisters

 **7** **th** **:** Kid and Nanny

 **8** **th** **:** Housekeeper and Butler

 **9** **th** **:** Cat Lady and Cat

 **10** **th** **:** Pirate and First Mate

 **11** **th** **:** Adrenaline Junkies

 **12** **th** **:** Clown and Mime

 **13** **th** **:** Neighbors

 **14** **th** **:** Lawyers

 **15** **th** **:** Air Guitarists (Eliminated)

* * *

The plan I had for the Air Guitarists was going to be very different. I had them mess up just like the Phone Addicts, but that was when I had a different location planned for this chapter. With Lithuania, and the tasks they had, it wasn't going to work. Anyway, the plot they got was good too. The only downside is, they resembled the Rockers from the Ridonculous Race more than they should have like this. The original plan would have had them differ. I know no one was enthusiastic for them so I'm sure no one will be really bothered by this elimination. Still, tell me what you guys think. And don't forget about my **Poll.**

To be honest, I only watched a couple of episodes of Gravity Falls, I'm not sure if I got their personas right.

 **Mini Disclaimer:** I do not own Gravity Falls, The Power Puff Girls, Hearthstone, Diablo, or Pandora's Box


	3. Chapter 3: Malevolent Dives

A very late chapter, I know. I don't even want to come up with excuses because pretty much a 5 month absence can only be explained with "lazyness". It is a difficult story to write, considerably different from a Total Drama, and it is harder to maintain balance and screentime here. Even more difficult to make the characters interact in various subjects and make it interesting. I wont give up on it though, even if it takes me a while to finish. I wont make promises for soon updates though.

To my reviewers:

 _ **Bronzern:**_ Yes, I realized that by the time chapter 2 was out, you'd be pleased with the results. The Cosplayers are a fun team to experiment with. The most challenging part about them is figuring out when to give them a certain show to portray and who to portray in it. Some characters would fit well in certain scenarios and some don't, like how Dipper and Mabel were perfect for the hill of crosses bit but not for Los Angeles. I agree with the suggesting of taxi talks and plane rides and stuff like that, but I don't think a broken down taxi in the middle of a challenge would be a good idea. Outside factors affecting the race would make it look like the author rigged the story to get it to go his or her way. I'd rather eliminate the chance of that happening and let it play out normally.

 _ **bLuewErewOlf25** :_ I still hate typing your name... Which four references? The video game ones? Also yep, Andy sounds cool. Anyway we've had our time to talk...

 _ **Guest:**_ For starters, Witches sounds more offensive than Gypsies due to he huge negative connotation it carries, both now and in the middle ages and in between. The Gypsies team was not meant to be a reflection of THE nomad tribes or culture. It was mainly a team that WAS from that culture who happened to be underhanded. Just as Alejandro is evil in the show does not mean that all latinos are evil. It's just one example. Secondly, Gunhilda had a vision of who would be eliminated at the end of the day and what the process involved would be. That meant that she and Leticia had to follow the vision through or things would have went wrong for them. Regardless of threat level, they had to take someone out, that someone being the target of the vision. They are well aware who is a greater threat, but that doesn't matter when it's only the second episode. Following a predictable plot progression isn't necessary. The team has its own dynamic and they don't have to follow the norm of 'evil' role, and anyway they aren't the only antagonistic team in the competition.

* * *

 **Chapter 3: Malevolent Dives**

"Welcome back viewers. On our second episode, we traveled to Eastern Europe, Lithuania, for some spooky racing. After a not-so-friendly game of basketball with the local Lithuanian teams, the contestants paid homage to the notorious Hill of Crosses where they saw the level of Total Drama fans face-up. Taking an impressive lead, the Bully and Geek rode their way to Gediminas Tower and scored first place unchallenged. As more teams made their way by car and by balloon, the Gypsies' curse, or rather potion took its debilitating toll on the Air Guitarists and gave them a no-return trip home with nothing but their awesome guitars and their slowly deteriorating minds. 14 Teams remain and the teams are starting to show their true colors, except for the Cosplayers. Have they abandoned their investigation of the Gypsies? And can the Bully and Geek keep coming in the top 3? Stay with us folks, this is The RidiChrislous Race."

(Cue theme song)

* * *

Chris stood next to the entrance of Gediminas tower. Next to him was a Chris Cubicle.

"The teams are about to commence the third challenge. Here come the Bully and Geek now." Chris announced.

"Oh yeah baby! First place!" Dirk cheered.

"Chris, do we get to get some sleep? We've been awake since this show started." Andy rubbed his eyes.

"We're in first. How can you be sleepy?" Dirk glared at him.

"Champions need their rest too." Andy shrugged.

"You can sleep all you want in the plane out of here. It's a 9 hour flight." Chris grinned." Get your ticket boys."

Andy pressed the button and a ticket came out. Andy passed it to Dirk as he went to call a Taxi.

"The hell is a Maldives?" Dirk frowned.

"MEDIVH? WHERE?" Andy ran back, regaining his energy." Can I hold Atiesh?"

Dirk punched him in the shoulder.

"Ow! What was that for?" He rubbed the spot.

"For evolving into geek mega form." Dirk mocked.

The camera switched to scenes of a beautiful sunny island with crystal clear beach water.

"One of the hotspots for honeymoons, the Maldives is an archipelago of exotic islands to the south of India. Tourism is buzzing and hotels are crowded. Let's hope none of our teams get too distracted, ehem." Chris relayed.

"Lame. I thought we're going to go to a Hearthstone convention or something." Andy crossed his arms.

"Move it Optinerd Prime." Dirk pushed him toward the taxi that stopped for them.

* * *

 **(Team Confessionals)**

 **Bully and Geek**

 **Andy:** What is it with meatheads and the word baby?

 **Dirk:** Oh yeah? How about this one? Shut up, _baby_.

 **Andy:** Oh right, now I get it. It's so close to your bullying terminology.

 **Dirk:** Termiwhat? What did you just say to me? (He grabs Andy by the scruff of his shirt)

 **Andy:** Uncle!

* * *

A man walked down the stairs of the tower. He was wearing a black t-shirt covering an oversized torso and blue jeans, black shoes and black shades. His blond hair was gelled and extended upwards, Elvis Presley style but longer. Behind him was a little girl with orange hair down to her neck with an olive green bow on it. She was wearing a tan undershirt with a lime green overall skirt over it, girl-scout style. Black open top shoes and white socks.

"Man, it is a good day to be me." The guy said as he took out a black comb and started gently fixing his hair.

"It is a good day indeed Johnny. We are going to the Maldives, we're going to be introduced to a new culture." The girl said as she read the ticket.

"That culture is going to get awesome because of me." The man said." Do you think there'll be any pretty little babes over there in Malhides?"

"It's Maldives." The girl corrected.

"Yeah, what'd I say?" Johnny raised an eyebrow.

"Never mind, Let's just go and find out then." She said.

"Slow the heck down dammit. I'm getting bruised." Bertha complained as Malcolm led her down the stairs on the wheelchair.

"How do you expect me to get you to the ground Bertha? How about you just get up and walk?" Malcolm suggested.

"You want me to fall and break my hip? Knowing how cheap you are I'd never get treated." She retorted.

"When was I ever cheap to you? I got you a sewing machine last Christmas!" He gaped.

"I'm not gonna interrupt this happy family moment so I'm just going to cut to the chase and tell you your next destination is the Maldives." Chris smiled at them.

"The Maldives huh? Now that's a place to take someone on a honeymoon. You hear that Malcolm? That's how cheap you are. Taking my daughter on a pathetic trip around the states." Bertha said.

"She loved it and we had both agreed that we could save up on the college fund for our future kids that way." Malcolm sighed.

"Cheap! Use that mouth of yours to call us a cab, or are ya too cheap to pay for one too?" She nagged.

"God give me strength." Malcolm held the bridge of his nose.

* * *

 **(Team Confessionals)**

 **Husband and Mother-In-Law**

 **Malcolm:** We should stop on our way to buy some sunscreen. You're already a walking cancer magnet, we don't need you to get skin cancer there in the tropics.

 **Bertha:** Don't waste our time you fool, buy it when we land.

 **Malcolm:** It's smarter to buy it here in Lithuania. The Maldives flourishes on tourism. Sunscreen will be double the price or so.

 **Bertha:** Being cheap is in your nature. I told you so.

 **Malcolm:** Goddammit Bertha!

* * *

 **(Team Confessionals)**

 **Half-Sisters**

 **Mandy:** Ugh I'm so glad we don't have to be around that old bat in the wheelchair anymore. Gosh how can someone nag so much? Like, it's so unhealthy. My patience was running so low. I thought I was gonna burst. I totally would have given her a piece of my mind. Can you believe someone could be so annoying?

 **Maya:** YES I CAN! SHUT UP ALREADY! I'm already reeling from one loudmouth. I don't need another one.

 **Mandy:** Well scuuuuuze you!

* * *

Four more teams had gotten the tickets and headed to the airport. They were all in short distance of each other in taxis.

"Nurse, have you heard the gossip going around about the Gypsies lately?" Sherman asked.

"Yes Doctor." Judy replied.

"Has there been any gossip about us of any sort too?" Sherman asked.

"Not that I know of Doctor." She said.

"Just a 'no doctor'." He reminded with a strict tone.

She flinched." Y-yes doctor."

The cab driver looked at them funny through the center mirror.

"Since your gender is so accustomed to gossip, keep your ears sharp. I want to know if anyone is talking about us." He ended.

"Yes doctor." She lowered her head, a frown hidden from sight.

* * *

"It is most unfortunate that you had to have your vision in the middle of that game sister, we have attracted too much undesirable attention." Leticia said as she mixed potions together.

"The one team that suspected us is a shifting one. Their personalities change with each disguise they take. As soon as they took on their new identity, they forgot all about us. It is sad if you ask me." Gunhilda laughed hoarsely.

"Their sad state is to our benefit. We may need to abuse it again." Leticia suggested with a smirk.

"I have plans for them but not now my dear. You are right, too much unwanted attention hovers around us. We need to lay low for some time." Gunhilda affirmed.

"In the meantime, I think we ought to head to the black market here. What better place than eastern Europe to get the best and most effective magical reagents?" Leticia brightened up.

"Mmm, I know that look sister, you are about to fall onto a wealth of specimens. I cannot wait." Gunhilda smiled." Oh driver, we require of you to take a detour. There is an errand we must attend to first."

* * *

When the Half-Sisters and Kid and Nanny as well as the teams ahead made it to the plane, they found out there were only seven spots left. The last team to arrive was the Housekeeper and Butler.

"The first seven teams are boarding the plane one. The next plane won't depart for another three hours. That could just be the advantage those seven teams need." Chris announced." And where did those Gypsies go? They should have been on the first plane."

On the plane, the teams were settling in for a long flight. As Judy laid her head for a nap, Sherman shook her shoulder roughly.

"Didn't I tell you to keep alert for gossip? It's a long flight and this is the perfect time to find out what's being said." Sherman said.

"...Yes." She sighed." Doctor."

With that, Sherman went to sleep on the seat but Judy had to stay up. She tried to overhear the other teams around her.

"Nanny nanny, can I have ice cream?" Billy asked excitedly.

"I don't know if they have ice cream on planes." She wondered." And in any case, you can't have sugar before your bedtime you know that."

"But naaaaaannnnnyyyyy." He whined.

"No buts young man!" She sternly denied." Now try to get some sleep. We can't be tired in the next challenge."

She put a sleeping mask on her eyes. Billy though was wide awake. He got up from his seat as soon as she was out. He snuck up on Bertha who had a tray in front of her with some food on it including a doughnut. He slowly grabbed the doughnut without her paying attention. He ran back to his seat. As Bertha ate from her tray she noticed the missing pastry.

"If you were that hungry you could have just asked." She turned to Malcolm next to her and started berating him." Look at that belly of yours. You've probably been stealing food from my daughter's plate for years. No wonder she's so skinny."

"What are you going on about?" He rubbed his eyes, arousing from his sleep.

"Bah, you can't fool me with your fakeness." She frowned.

"Even when I'm asleep I'm disturbing you? Ugh." He turned facing away from her, going back to sleep.

"Sis, we totes need to get our head in this game already." Maya said.

"I know sis but like, what do we do?" Mandy asked." I'm no good at this tacticalizing."

"Easy, we just gotta distribute our strengths, like, you're good at gossip, and I'm good at getting dirt on people so it's like perfect. I get the dirt and you do the gossip." Maya strategized.

"Oh yeah, perfect. We will be unstoppable!" Mandy gleamed.

Someone suddenly appeared in front of them flexing his muscles.

"The only thing unstoppable is your love for me." Johnny flirted." So how about you don't try to hide it anymore and we can be unstoppable together?"

"Ugh, are you seriously talking to us?" Mandy grimaced.

"I don't see any other bodacious beauties around here do you?" Johnny replied.

"Well I…" Maya started.

"There's no I in us, there's only me, and you and our lips together." Johnny got closer to Maya.

"Uh no, thanks. We're not interested." Mandy pushed his mouth away and put her arm around her sister."

Susie walked and grabbed Johnny's ear and pulled him down.

"Is he bothering you girls? He's not supposed to be out of his seat. We have plans to go over." She said as she started dragging him.

"But I don't wanna." He whined childishly.

Over on the Housekeeper and Butler team they were both deep in sleep. Andy too was asleep but Dirk was too hyped. He was bored now though. He wasn't the type to sit still for long. He looked over Andy and smirked. He saw the laptop lying in his backpack. He grabbed the bag and took out the laptop. Dirk turned it on and waited for the loading. He frowned when the screen that popped up asked for a password.

"Stupid Andy." Dirk mumbled.

He typed in the first thing he could think of, 'Hearthstone'. Incorrect.

He tried Diablo. Incorrect.

He huffed and tried Team Rocket. Incorrect.

"The hell with this." He packed the laptop back in the bag and sat pouting.

He turned to Andy and smirked again. He rummaged in Andy's bag until he found what he was looking for.

"Hehe." He laughed to himself.

* * *

 **(Team Confessionals)**

 **Cosplayers**

 **Ulrich:** Ooohhhh bebe, where has this island been my whole life? All those gorgeous babes have been missing out on Johnny Bravo.

 **Marley:** We need to focus Johnny, the other teams are all ready and we need to win.

 **Ulrich:** Yeah yeah.

* * *

 **(Team Confessionals)**

 **Bully and Geek**

 **Andy:** Everyone was staring at me funny when I got off the plane. Did something happen when I was sleeping?

 **Dirk:** (Stifles laughter) Yeah, they realized how much of a geek you are.

 **Andy:** Why am I even asking you?

* * *

 **(Team Confessionals)**

 **Kid and Nanny**

 **Annie:** Ahh, I've always wanted to take a trip to some tropical island. We're going to have a lot of fun Billy.

 **Billy:** (Yawn) Oh, yeah.

 **Annie:** Are you okay Billy? I thought you'd be more excited.

 **Billy:** Um, I am. Yay. Wohoo.

* * *

The other seven teams had all boarded the plane and it was about to take off. At the last minute the Gypsies made it, carrying bags of peculiar ingredients.

"Ah tis but a minor penalty we had to pay. We may be arriving late to the challenge but these things here will more than make up for it later on." Leticia smiled as she tucked away her stuff.

"I am not worried. The next location does not sound very different from our desert home." Gunhilda added, yawning." Now, it is about time we rested dear."

"Oh no, no rest for me. I have to do some preparations on my potions. The toad legs and mongoose tails are not going to crush themselves now are they?" Leticia refused.

"Mneow, at least they didn't say they'll kick us off the plane." Helen said to McFluff who was in a small portable cage next to her.

The cat did not look pleased however.

"And you got to stay in here too, not that smelly cargo hold." Helen went on.

"Look at her, what a nutcase. I can't believe she's still in this competition." Hilbert said in his seat next to Sally.

"Not only that, but she's come twice ahead of us. Both times arriving in the top 5. Though with a penalty today." Sally added.

"Don't remind me." Hilbert frowned.

"Not like they're the only team that's not supposed to be still in the running. What about the wheelchair woman and her son-in-law?" She asked.

"How did those two even get 3rd place? This show is so bogus." Hilbert seethed.

"That's a good clown name. Bogus the clown! Fits you pretty nicely." Sally added.

"Shut up, mimes don't get to be comedians." Hilbert rolled his eyes.

The Lawyers and the Neighbors were seated on the parallel lanes next to each other. The Lawyers were discussing Maldivian laws while the Neighbors were discussing the Lawyers.

"Alright neighbor, we definitely need to start making our moves. The day is not getting younger." Bob said.

"It sure isn't pal. We need to seize the chance when they somewhat like us yeah?" Jim agreed.

"How are we going to do it? What do we say to them?" Bob asked.

"I'm not sure yet." He rubbed his eyes." Let's sleep on it. I'm sure we can think of something." Jim told.

"Ah, so the religion plays an important role in the regulations and culture, as with most Islamic places. Makes sense." Linda said.

"I don't like it. You can be sure the men there will be ogling us, probably never seen a blond white woman before." Carol scowled.

"Now now Carol, let's not be hasty to judge. Besides, if the people are held back, blame only those in power." Linda appeased." Speaking of held back. I can tell you're holding back something. Tell me, what happened in that hill challenge? You went out a changed woman."

"What are you talking about? I am still the same Carol." She looked away.

"True, in more ways than one. But somehow there's something different about you. Was it the zombie interns?" Linda insisted.

"Those things couldn't scare a cornered drug dealer." Carol scoffed.

"Well, what is it then?" Linda waited.

"Would you drop it already? We need to go through these laws right away." Carol flushed.

"Fine, but I am going to find out, one way or another." Linda relented.

Another pair of teams were seated across each other. Those two teams were not so happy with each other though.

"Arrrrr." Roscoe growled.

"Cap'n, just let it go. They're not worth risking the game." Carl advised.

"A pirate never steps down from a challenge Carl, I aint gonna be the first pirate to break that honorable code now." Roscoe said, not taking his eyes off of Alexis.

"A pirate also needs his beauty sleep. See ya when we get there cap'n. I suggest you get some sleep too." Carl laid his head on his seat.

"Alexis. Alexis? Hey Alexis." Troy spoke.

No response.

"Sky gliding." He said.

"When?" She snapper her neck to him.

He just stared at her with a frown.

"Oh shut up Troy. I can't let that one-eyed goldfish get the better of me. That's twice we've come second to him. That's not acceptable." Alexis said.

"I know it's not, but don't you think you're paying too much attention to him? Afterall, a whole bunch of teams beat us yesterday." He reasoned.

"Don't get your manliness in a bundle. I don't have my eyes on him that way." She retorted.

"You better not." He ended.

* * *

 **(Team Confessionals)**

 **Clown and Mime**

 **Sally:** Try not to break too many rules this time around. We can't afford another long penalty. This is a small location, 20 minutes is probably enough for all the teams to cross and we'd end up in last place because you…

 **Hilbert:** (Squeezes the flower on his jacket. It sprays water in Sally's face. Her makeup starts to run, the white melting off of her face.) Gah, you're even scarier in human color.

 **Sally:** (Frowns at him.)

* * *

 **(Team Confessionals)**

 **Pirate and First Mate**

 **Carl:** I hope you got some sleep captain. This place might just have a ship related challenge.

 **Roscoe:** Captain Roscoe never loses a ship related challenge.

 **Carl:** Oh boy, if you're like this with those Adrenaline Junkies already, I'd hate to think how you'd be if we actually do lose to them.

 **Roscoe:** Blaspheme. Ye aint to be talkin like that again First Mate.

 **Carl:** Right, right. Sorry cap'n.

* * *

Plane one landed and out came the teams. The Bully and Geek were the first to grab themselves a ticket.

"Fishing? And it's a botch or watch." Andy read." Dibs on not fishing."

Dirk punched his shoulder." Dibs on being the cool one. Oh wait, I already am."

Andy rolled his eyes.

"Their first mission on the tropical island is what else? Fishing! The teams have to make their way to the beach and use their wits to hook up some fish. The trick is knowing how much to fish, but that's up to them. That perfect balance is needed to finish the challenge fast and effectively" Chris announced to the screen.

In no time, the seven teams all made their way to the beach. It did not look like Chris left any pole or bait for them to fish, or anything else like nets either. Dirk did not waste any time and took off his shirt and pants, diving in the water quickly. Andy sat on the beach far from the water and took out his 3DS. The Cosplayers arrived shortly after them.

"Hah! Heu!" Johnny took poses." Johnny don't do fishing."

"Fine, I'll fish. You keep a lookout for team progress. We can't let too many teams beat us." Susie relented.

Then came Malcolm rolling Bertha into a spot near the water.

"You sure you want to be this close to the water? I'm going to be busy fishing, if a wave covers half of you in water I won't be here for you to shout at." He drawled.

"What waves? The water's as calm as a mule you mule." Bertha scowled at him." Now stop you're chitchat and go get us those fish. I want to soak my feet. All that walking you made me do made them ache."

"Walking? I.. ugh. Forget it." Malcolm huffed as he curled up his sleeves and took off his shoes.

"Nurse, get fishing, pronto." Sherman ordered.

"Yes doctor." She obeyed.

Sherman observed the others on the beach. He skipped over Andy, hummed at Bertha but watched Johnny flexing his muscles. He narrowed his eyes but was distracted when the next team arrived.

"Okay I totally can't get my hair wet sis. Please." Maya begged.

"Fine, but only because I know how ugly you look when you dry your hair and it stands up like porcupine quills." Mandy rolled her eyes.

"Okay Billy, before you start jumping up and down and begging to go swim and fish, I have to say no." Annie started.

"Okay." Billy shrugged.

"It is too dangerous and you… wait, what did you say?" She blinked.

"I don't feel like it." He yawned.

"Well alright then. Stay put Billy, I'll be right back." She told him.

The Housekeeper and Butler arrived and Niles was about to start undressing when Martha stopped him.

"Oh no Niles, you so gracefully took on the last task that required one of us to volunteer. Now it is my turn." She said.

"Poppycock! You do not have to, really." He insisted.

"Oh but I do Niles. It is nothing anyway. Allow me, please." She smiled at him.

"Well, if you say so. But I am most definitely doing the next one." He said.

"Fair enough." She agreed.

* * *

 **(Team Confessionals)**

 **Housekeeper and Butler**

 **Niles:** By Jove Martha, I'm having a blast in this ole competition. Don't you agree?

 **Martha:** Most certainly Niles. It was well worth the effort. I do say, we've been cooped up for far too long in that mansion. Don't get me wrong, I appreciate master Levreth dearly.

 **Niles:** Here here.

* * *

 **(Team Confessionals)**

 **Kid and Nanny**

 **Annie:** Alright spill mister. What did you do?

 **Billy:** What?

 **Annie:** You're too quiet. What did you break?

 **Billy:** Nothing.

 **Annie:** Did you steal anything?

 **Billy:** Just a doughnut from the old lady. (Yawn)

 **Annie:** (Gasp) Billy! What did I tell you about taking things that aren't yours?

 **Billy:** (Shrugs)

 **Annie:** We'll discuss this later mister. You're grounded… as soon as we get back home.

 **Billy:** No fair! All I took was a doughnut.

 **Annie:** Doesn't make it less of a theft Billy. That was wrong. Now I want you to go apologize from that nice old lady okay?

 **Billy:** But nanny!

 **Annie:** No buts! Do as I say young man.

* * *

The contestants doing the fishing soon found out how difficult it was to catch fish with nothing but their bare hands. Dirk kept making speedy grabs at the water but he never managed to even get to hold one. He huffed in frustration.

"This is so stupid! At least give us a bucket or something to put them in." He raged.

"You have to be patient boy. Let them come to you." Malcolm advised.

As he followed his own strategy, he dove in, only to get the same result as Dirk.

"Nothing's coming for you old man." Dirk frowned.

"Hey I'm only 35." Malcolm retorted.

"You look 50." Dirk went back to his failed fishing attempts.

Malcolm sighed. "Probably because of the old bat I'm travelling with."

He whispered that part.

Over on the beach, Billy sat next to Andy as he played.

"I almost have my pokedex filled. All I need is a Slowking, a Porygon Z and a Scizor." Andy spoke.

"I already finished mine. I even have shinies of every Pokemon." Billy boasted.

"Get outta here. No way." Andy turned to look at him.

Billy stared at him and then started laughing.

"What?" Andy asked.

"You look funny." Billy kept laughing.

Niles walked by and stopped when he saw Andy. He walked over to him angrily.

"Is that the manners of the youth today? Absolutely degenerate. You need some wrangling boy, didn't your mother raise you properly?" He stormed off.

Andy blinked. Billy was snickering.

"What did I do?" He whined.

* * *

 **(Team Confessionals)**

 **Bully and Geek**

 **Andy:** I just don't get it. I never even talked to Niles before. And why was Billy laughing?

 **Dirk:** (Roars in laughter)

 **Andy:** Whaaatttt!?

 **Dirk:** (Continues laughing)

* * *

Susie used crumbs from some cookies she had in a bag in her pocket to lure the fish, she then used her hat to slowly lift one up inside it. She then filtered out the water and kept the fish, putting it in her pocket. She repeated the process until her pockets couldn't fit.

"Looks like I'm done here!" She said to herself.

Dirk gawked at her.

"WHAT!? How did a little girl get so many fish so fast?" He objected.

On the beach, Johnny waked up to Maya and grabbed her by the waist and bent her backwards, holding her.

"Hello again pretty mama, they say the Malrides is the perfect place for honeymoons so we're in the right place. How about we check in to some hotel and test that rumor?" He wiggled his eyebrows.

"Uh, it's um, Maldives." She corrected, blushing.

"So is that a yes, or is that a yes?" He asked.

Susie grabbed him by the ear." Come on Johnny, there's the Chris cubicle. We're in first."

"Ow, ooh, ah, let go, ah." He whined as he was dragged.

Susie pressed the button and read the ticket.

"We have to sell these fish in the market!" She said.

"That's right. The fish they just gathered has to be sold in the local bazaar. In this All-In, the teams have to put their merchant skills to the test to make the most profit for the next task to come. It may not necessarily be that the most fish will get the most cash but that would be a safer bet than getting there with one measly tiny fish." Chris spoke to the camera.

"Can't I stay here while you go and do that? You're the Girl Scout, you're better at selling stuff." Johnny reasoned.

"No can do Johnny, it's an All-In. We both have to go." She said as she started running ahead of him. The market was not far from the beach.

* * *

 **(Team Confessionals)**

 **Cosplayers**

 **Ulrich:** She wants meh.

 **Marley:** Gosh Johnny, these fish are really pretty. I bet I can convince the fish monger to take them for a lot of money.

 **Ulrich:** If you sell them like you sell your cookies, we're gonna be rich.

 **Marley:** I don't think we can keep it.

 **Ulrich:** Who's gonna stop us?

 **Chris:** I am, now get out of here before you stank up the confessionals.

* * *

 **(Team Confessionals)**

 **Half-Sisters**

 **Mandy:** I know that look. You talked to that overgrown Elvis didn't you?

 **Maya:** Maybe.

 **Mandy:** Wake up Maya! Why do you always fall for the beefy sexist hunks?

 **Maya:** But those are the hottest!

 **Mandy:** That's not the point! I bet you he's out there hitting on every other woman he sees.

 **Maya:** Oh please, you're overreacting.

* * *

Annie, Martha, Mandy and Judy were taking their time fishing at a slow pace. They had between them a pile which they were going to split up once they got to a good amount.

"So girls, how goes the competition for you all so far?" Martha asked." I do hope you're all enjoying yourselves as are Niles and I."

"It's a little tiring having to watch over Billy but this is pretty refreshing after being cooped up between four walls all the time." Annie replied.

"Yeah I'm having a blast." Mandy added.

Judy did not contribute to the conversation since they started and they began to notice.

"Judy? What about you? I've hardly seen you crack one smile." Martha turned to her.

"Yeah, in fact, I don't even think you ever said a word to us." Mandy paused her search for fish.

Judy tried to avoid their stares.

"Hey are you alright?" Annie looked concern as she put her hand on Judy's shoulder.

Judy flinched." I-I must go now, the doctor is waiting."

She hastily picked up a few fish from their shared pile and dashed to the beach.

"It's about time you got here, and what were you saying to those women, nurse?" Sherman interrogated.

"Nothing, Doctor." She avoided his gaze.

"Get moving, we're not in first." He ordered as he moved ahead of her.

* * *

 **(Team Confessionals)**

 **Doctor and Nurse**

 **Sherman:** Is this all the fish you could get?

 **Judy:** Y-yes doctor.

 **Sherman:** Pathetic. You would never make it past minimum wage with this level of inefficiency.

 **Judy:** …

 **Sherman:** That's what you get for chitchatting with a bunch of girls instead of focusing on the challenge. If this happens again, there will be consequences. Understood?

 **Judy:** Yes doctor.

* * *

 **(Team Confessionals)**

 **Housekeeper and Butler**

 **Martha:** Peculiar, quite peculiar indeed. Nurse Judy does not seem very satisfied with her participation in this show. I wonder why.

 **Niles:** (Grumbles)

 **Martha:** Oh? What dare I ask has gotten in to you Niles?

 **Niles:** This generation is dreadful. Would you believe the mockery I had to witness?

 **Martha:** Oh dear! Tell me what has happened.

 **Niles:** You will know when you see that boy's face, the one who is glued to his technological devices.

* * *

"Two teams are on their way to the second part of the challenge and the other seven teams have not even begun their race. This can't bode well for our other teams." Chris announced.

Billy slowly walked up to Bertha.

"Ma'am?" He started.

"Huh, who's there?" She said as she took off her sleeping mask." What do you want boy?"

"I uhh, um, I." He hesitated.

"Speak up boy. You're blocking the breeze." She scowled.

"In the airplane, I took a doughnut from you without you seeing me ma'am. I just wanted to say sorry. I shouldn't have." He rubbed his arm and looked down.

"It was you then." She grabbed her purse." You little thief, didn't your mother teach you not to steal things!?"

She started beating him with her purse.

"Ow! Hey! Naaaannnnyyyy!" He cried.

"What was that?" Mandy perked up.

"That's Billy! I'm coming Billy!" Annie ran to the beach in a hurry.

"My oh my, she's got a lot on her plate that one. Hope she can manage it all." Martha said.

"Is it just me, or did I hear Bertha yelling?" Malcolm straightened his pose after kneeling close to the water." Guess that means I ought to go now. One fish should be enough I suppose."

"One fish for the old fish amiright?" Dirk smirked.

Malcolm turned to look at him.

"I could get used to you kid." Malcolm grinned.

Annie got on scene to find Bertha whacking away at Billy with her purse.

"What are you doing!? Stop that right now!" She grabbed Billy and dragged him back." Billy, what did you do?"

"Nothin! I was just saying sorry like you told me and she started hitting me." He sobbed.

"Teach your little urchin of a child some manners or do you need teaching yourself?" Bertha scolded.

Annie gasped. She walked behind Bertha's chair, turned it facing the water and pushed her in till the water was all the way up to Bertha's stomach.

"Turn me back now! I said turn me back." Bertha yelled.

"Cover your ears Billy." Annie said.

Billy did as he was told and couldn't hear the string of curses coming out of Annie as she berated Bertha.

"How's that for manners?" She ended." Come on Billy."

They walked out of the beach and grabbed a ticket on their way. Malcolm arrived to find a partially submerged Bertha, yelling at no one.

"You know Bertha, not everything in this world responds to you yelling at it. The water is not going to recede because of your loud voice." He sighed.

"Quit your yapping and drag me out of here before I turn into a prune." She frowned.

"You already are a prune." He stated plainly.

* * *

 **(Team Confessionals)**

 **Husband and Mother-In-Law**

 **Bertha:** I hate the beach.

 **Malcolm:** Chalk one more up for the never-ending list of things Bertha hates. You're crankier than usual.

 **Bertha:** Shut up and get me out of this blistering sandy island.

 **Malcolm:** Oh that I can't do your highness. We still have a challenge to finish here.

 **Bertha:** Bah! I hate this show.

* * *

 **(Team Confessionals)**

 **Kid and Nanny**

 **Billy:** I'm sorry nanny.

 **Annie:** No Billy, you're a good boy. That was a bad woman.

 **Billy:** Nanny, what did you tell her when you told me to close my ears?

 **Annie:** You wouldn't be a very good boy if you knew Billy.

 **Billy:** Does that mean you're not a good nanny because you said them?

 **Annie:** Alright that's enough questions for today.

* * *

As those two teams left, the other seven were on their way now. Billy and Annie passed by the Neighbors and they heard them talking about fish when they realized something.

"Oh shoot, we forgot the fish!" Annie stopped dead in her tracks." We have to go back."

They turned back and hence were left in last place.

"Stay here cap'n. I'll have those fish faster than you can say shiver me timbers!" Carl promised.

"Race the winds matey! We can't let that vixen beat us." He called out.

Alexis heard him and growled. She shoved Troy to the water.

"Hurry up. They're gonna beat us." She ordered.

"Okay, okay, sheesh." Troy glided through the water after Carl.

"Well, what're you waiting for? Don't tell me this needs my exquisite clown skills too." Hilbert put his hands on his hips.

"No, but I'm not having my makeup run in the water so you have to go." She said.

"I should have just taken a stray dog as a partner. He would have been a hell of a lot better than you. That cat lady's doing pretty fine with a cat." He grumbled.

"The dog would be better than you too." She huffed.

"Mrreoow meoow. Now go Mr. McFluff. You know what to do. You can have one fish from what you catch." Helen purred at McFluff.

"Stay here Leticia, prepare for our coming plans. I shall fetch us some fish." Gunhilda said.

"Beware of getting a vision in the water. Do not stray too deep." Leticia warned.

Carol at first told Linda to get the fish, but saw Bob going in the water so she changed her mind and volunteered.

"What's this? You're changing your mind? The Carol I know never changes her mind." Linda teased.

"I'm just, just planning ahead." Carol excused.

* * *

 **(Team Confessionals)**

 **Lawyers**

 **Linda:** You can't fool me Carol. You are acting unusually suspicious. Do I have to indict you under an oath to get answers?

 **Carol:** I'll just plead the Fifth Amendment. Besides, I told you once, I will tell you again. There is nothing.

 **Linda:** I'm going to be monitoring you closely.

* * *

With the seven teams getting into the water, Mandy and Martha decided to haul their fish back.

"I suppose six fish ought to be enough. Three for you my dear, and three for me." Martha said.

Andy saw the last two teams he arrived with leaving and frowned.

"Dirk is still in there? What the heck?" He thought before going back to his 3DS." Oh man, the battery's about to run out."

The Kid and Nanny arrived to the beach again.

"Oh no, the girls are all gone. They took the fish." Annie sighed." Stay here Billy, I have to get some more."

Billy yawned and sat in the sand next to Andy.

"You're back." He stated.

"Stupid fish." Billy muttered.

Jim and Linda stared out into the water waiting for their teammates.

"You know, I was thinking it would have been an awesome show if instead of teams of two it was teams of four and you, me, Bob and Carol were a team. We would have made a great team." Jim pitched.

"Perhaps, we do get along finer than most folks in this show. We certainly would have fewer arguments than those two teams." She pointed at Roscoe and Alexis who were glaring each other down near them on the beach.

"Heh, yeah. Although if they had been getting along, they would have been an unbeatable force." Jim mused.

"We're lucky it's teams of two then." She settled.

"Say, I was wondering. Do you think maybe Carol likes Bob?" Jim asked.

Linda's eyes widened." That's it! Bob. That's what she's hiding."

"I don't follow." Jim raised an eyebrow.

"I think you are on to something Jim. I think Carol has her eyes set on Bob." Linda nodded.

"And I'm pretty sure Bob likes her too. Wouldn't it be great if we got them together?" Jim pitched.

"Let's see how things play out now that we know about them. I've not seen Carol like this in a long time. This might be a great opportunity for her." Linda decided.

* * *

 **(Team Confessionals)**

 **Neighbors**

 **Bob:** What are you smiling about neighbor?

 **Jim:** You're gonna thank me neighbor once you find out the good news.

 **Bob:** Well don't hold it in neighbor. What is it?

 **Jim:** You're gonna get your wish neighbor. The Lawyer gal likes you.

 **Bob:** Get outta here. You're kidding.

 **Jim:** Nope. It's almost confirmed. You just gotta make your move now. Or you could wait and see how things play out.

 **Bob:** Darn neighbor, now I'm anxious.

* * *

 **(Team Confessionals)**

 **Lawyers**

 **Carol:** Out with it. You have news you're holding back. I can tell.

 **Linda:** We do know each other too much for our own good. Anyway, I found out your secret.

 **Carol:** Be more specific honey, I'm a lawyer.

 **Linda:** Bob.

 **Carol:** …What about him?

 **Linda:** Your momentary silence confirms it. You like him.

 **Carol:** Alright, enough already. Yes I do. Can you mind your own business now?

 **Linda:** Aww Carol, it's not wrong to be attracted to someone, it would help loosen you up a bit.

 **Carol:** Can we discuss this later?

 **Linda:** As you wish, take some time to figure out how you're going to get out of this one while we finish the tasks today.

 **Carol:** Very funny.

* * *

"Five teams are well on their way to the second task while seven others have just arrived. Could things change up before the third task?" Chris asked to no one in particular.

"Uhh, this heat is blistering. The water's ruining my clothes. I am most definitely going to stink of fish for the rest of the day." Carol complained, as splashes kept covering her in water.

"Well at least think of it this way. Everyone else will stink of fish so you won't be the only one." Bob suggested, catching his first fish.

He took off his shirt and wrapped it around his waist, leaving room like a pouch to hold the fish in. He waited for the fish to stop wiggling until he put it in. Carol was ogling him. Or his wet torso to be exact.

"Carol!" He said loudly.

She jumped in shock, thinking she was caught.

"A fish passed right by your leg." He said.

"Oh, I must be bad at this." She mumbled.

"I'll split my fish with you if you don't catch any, so you and Linda don't fall back." He offered.

"That's too generous of you. We are competitors afterall." She blushed.

"Jim and I see you guys as more of allies honestly." He admitted.

"I, er, we would like that." She stuttered.

* * *

 **(Team Confessionals)**

 **Neighbors**

 **Bob:** Neighbor, neighbor, you'll never believe it. I actually got Carol to make an alliance with us.

 **Jim:** Sweet move neighbor. This ought to go a long way in our pursuit of them.

 **Bob:** I know right? We are scoring big neighbor.

* * *

Alexis was glaring down Roscoe. He turned to her and spat to the side while frowning. Her eyes widened.

"You are despicable." She said." If you hadn't chased us in that balloon we would never have been so close to the bottom."

"Ye be trippin lassy, it is ye who initiated this little fleet battle with yer thieving ways. Ye took me flag back in the boneyard." Roscoe spoke.

"It's the competition, if you don't have the wits for a challenge, go back to your little ships in a bottle." She scoffed.

"Arr if it be a challenge yer askin for, a challenge ye will get." Roscoe declared.

"Fine!" She huffed.

"Fine!" He turned away from her.

"Your days are both numbered. Just keep your quarreling, it is good for us." Leticia muttered as she watched them. She was grinding the toad legs.

Sally walked up to Helen. She looked at her from the side, up and down.

"What!" Helen turned suddenly, her eyes flaring." Meow what!?"

Sally broke her silence out of curiosity.

"Does your cat really understand you?" She asked.

"McFluff is meow than just a cat." She whined." He is special. Gifted. Mreoow."

"Of course he is." She humored her." But why not come here with umm, a human?"

"Cats are better." Helen simply said.

"Oookay then." Sally slowly walked away.

* * *

 **(Team Confessionals)**

 **Clown and Mime**

 **Sally:** I'm crept out with a capital C for cat. That lady is weird.

 **Hilbert:** Well if it isn't the pot calling the kettle black.

 **Sally:** There's a difference. I'm colorful. She's just freaky.

 **Hilbert:** No, I'm the colorful one. You're just sad.

 **Sally:** Shut up and get us some fish. I'm dying in this stupid heat. Not to mention the humidity is making my makeup spoil.

 **Hilbert:** Let's not blame the weather for our shortcomings now.

* * *

 **(Team Confessionals)**

 **Cat Lady and Cat**

 **Helen:** Meoi hate when they ask. People always ask. Nosy creatures.

 **McFluff:** Meow memeow. (puts paw on Helen's knee)

 **Helen:** Meoalright, I'll calm down. I just want us to be left alone.

* * *

 **(Team Confessionals)**

 **Gypsies**

 **Leticia:** I have to point out the obvious targets here for us. Those two energetic teams must be handled at some point don't you think?

 **Gunhilda:** Oh I wouldn't worry much about them. Their dispute is hindering them all on its own.

 **Leticia:** That is true, but in the event that one of them fails, the other shall thrive. What do we do then?

 **Gunhilda:** All in time dear, all in time. For now let us lay low. There are far too many teams for us to forfeit caution.

* * *

Troy and Carl watched the bickering on the beach and sighed at the same time.

"Gotta apologize for all the trouble this feud is causing." Carl said." Roscoe takes things too seriously sometimes."

"Nah dude, I love Alexis but I'm pretty sure she must have started this. She's as stubborn as they come." Troy argued.

"I just wish it would have led to healthier competition rather than us actually holding each other back." Carl said.

"For a pirate, you speak pretty normal." Troy raised an eyebrow." I know you said you were a new recruit but you and Roscoe look like you've known each other for a long time."

"Uh, well, hey, a fish." He covered.

"Where!?" Troy dove head first in the water.

"Uhhh!" Carol whined, the water from Troy's splash getting her soaked even more.

"This is driving the fish away. Let's move away from everyone." Bob suggested.

Carol's heart fluttered. Annie arrived to the water exhausted and started fishing all over again.

"Heh, loser. You're still here?" Hilbert laughed at Dirk as he struggled to catch something.

Dirk frowned at him." If I wasn't holding the fish I would have punched you."

McFluff had run up the wooden walkway as far as it went on the water. At the edge of it he waited until he swiped his claws and hooked a fish. He would then carry it back in his mouth to Helen. He did this several times successfully in no time. Hilbert's mouth hung open as he watched. The Cat Lady and Cat were soon done and heading to the next task.

"You've gotta be kidding me. What the heck? We keep losing to a cat." He raged.

"No, you keep losing to a cat. I am winning. Haahaa." Dirk jeered.

"You are a really annoying kid." Hilbert pouted.

* * *

 **(Team Confessionals)**

 **Adrenaline Junkies**

 **Troy:** Something's up with Carl. He doesn't have that pirate talk and doesn't act like a pirate.

 **Alexis:** Good, must be why I don't hate his guts then.

 **Troy:** Wow, you already hate Roscoe?

 **Alexis:** Maybe. Depends on today. We better beat them.

* * *

 **(Team Confessionals)**

 **Bully and Geek**

 **Andy:** Today would be a nice day to finish your part of the challenge.

 **Dirk:** Don't sass me geek. The fish ain't biting.

 **Andy:** I don't blame them.

* * *

"With eight teams still struggling with the first part of the mission, the Cosplayers have already arrived to the marketplace." Chris announced.

Susie inspected the market. There were several fish mongers, all shouting out their 'exquisite' prices. She searched for someone she thought she could do a good deal with. Johnny cut to the chase though and went to one of the old men.

"Hey you old geezer, we'll sell you these fish for… what money do you use here anyway?" Johnny asked.

"They use Rufiyaa." Sherman showed up and started trading with the man. They reached an agreement quite fast and he handed in the fish.

"Hey how much are we supposed to get anyway?" Johnny asked.

"One dollar is worth around 15 Rufiyaa so you figure it out." Sherman left with Judy in tail.

Johnny turned back to the man." Alright, here, 5 fish for 150,000 Rufiyaa."

The man stared at him blankly before ignoring him.

"Johnny, he is not going to give you 2000$ for a fish." Susie berated.

Johnny grabbed the man by the scruff of his neck." Listen here you overripe banana. I won't say it again, 150,000."

The fish monger whistled and a pelican flew down and landed on Johnny, squishing him.

"Ouch." Johnny said.

"Let me do the trading Johnny." Susie took over.

She took out a box of girl-scout cookies and smiled at the man. She told him she'd give him the fish and one free box of cookies for 600 Rufiyaa. The man happily obliged and handed her the cash.

"There, and I see a Chris Cubicle." She said, seeing the Doctor and Nurse near the box and taking their last ticket.

"Another All-In. We must use the money from the fish we sold to pay for a seaplane ride to the safe zone all the way on another island here." Sherman read.

"Indeed, in the last part of the challenge, the teams have to pay to fuel up a seaplane that will take them across the water to the chill zone. The more money they make the more fuel they can afford. It's a good thing it's a seaplane, if they run out of gas they won't plummet into certain death." Chris announced as images of the seaplanes and the chill zones were shown.

* * *

 **(Team Confessionals)**

 **Cosplayers**

 **Ulrich:** How are pelicans so big?

 **Marley:** It's a good thing the nice man did the deal with us. I think the money we got should be enough for a full ride.

 **Ulrich:** Can we get some nachos first. I'm hungry.

 **Marley:** No time Johnny. We lost first place to the Doctor and Nurse.

 **Ulrich:** But I wanna!

* * *

 **(Team Confessionals)**

 **Doctor and Nurse**

 **Sherman:** From experience, a flight takes up a lot of fuel but the task does not require us to fly. We may have enough to fuel a full ride. If that is not the case, get ready to improvise and make up for your lackluster effort in acquiring fish. We cannot lose. Do you hear me?

 **Judy:** Yes doctor.

* * *

"I'm so tired." Annie said as she concentrated on catching the fish.

"You know what, how bad could it be to go back with one fish?" Hilbert asked.

"Ah screw it. One should be enough." Dirk huffed. He went back to the beach." Get up loser."

Andy quickly put away his 3DS and followed Dirk leaving a sleepy looking Billy swaying on the sand. Hilbert too decided to go back and he along with Sally followed the Bully and Geek. Meanwhile the Husband and Mother-In-Law had reached the bazaar.

"Hey Bertha, let me try something. We don't have many fish and I think we're going to need a lot of money." Malcolm said.

He rolled her wheelchair to the vendor and parked it. He took out the fish and put on a serious face.

"Hello, um my mother is really sick and needs an operation or she'll be paralyzed from the waist down, but we can't afford the operation." Malcolm said in a pleading voice." All we have are these fish that we're trying to sell. Whatever you can spare will be really helpful."

The fish monger looked at Bertha who put on a sad pained face. She coughed a few times. The vendor put a hand on his chest and looked sadly at her.

"Yes, yes, I buy from you." The man took out a considerable wad of cash." Make operation."

He handed Malcolm the money and Malcolm counted 8000 Rufiyaa. His eyes widened at the amount, even though he didn't know just how much that was.

"Thank you kind sir! This will not go to waste I promise you." Malcolm shook his hand with both his hands.

He rolled Bertha toward the Chris Cubicle.

"I am impressed. For once you were not a complete disaster." Bertha praised.

"Being underhanded is not something to praise Bertha, but yes, that was necessary. This money is going to come in handy." He said as he read the ticket.

* * *

 **(Team Confessionals)**

 **Husband and Mother-In-Law**

 **Bertha:** Keep this up and maybe I will approve of your union with my daughter.

 **Malcolm:** Stop that. I will not do such things again. Emily would not approve.

 **Bertha:** Back to being spineless again? Bah, I knew you were useless.

 **Malcolm:** (Sighs)

* * *

Behind them the Half-Sisters and the Housekeeper and Butler both made it with an average amount of money. On the beach, Bob managed to get a good amount to split between him and Carol.

"How are you so good at this?" She asked him fascinated.

"I used to hike up to my uncle's cottage. There was a lake there and at dusk I'd go out fishing with him. He taught me a couple of valuable fishing lessons." He revealed.

"That's nice." She smiled.

"Let's go back, I hope we don't end up in the bottom again." He said.

Carl and Troy were hurrying up, both managing to collect a fair sum of fish. Gunhilda had just finished gathering fish as well. All three were making it back to the beach leaving only Annie.

"I hate my life." She exhaled.

* * *

The Cat Lady and Cat arrived to the marketplace and presented their fish to one of the salesmen. He inspected the fish and scowled.

"Bad fish, cat bites." He handed them back to her.

"Meow so?" Helen said.

"Go away lady." He shooed her.

"Meow buy them!" She hissed at him.

The vendor refused to trade with her so she lurched forward with her claws and start scratching him. It took the effort of some of the other salesmen and customers to tear them apart. When the Bully and Geek arrived, they approached a vendor who was not part of the commotion.

"Hey, I want a hundred bucks for this fish." Dirk started.

"Get lost kid." The vendor told him, turning to another customer.

Dirk grabbed him and got him into an armpit lock and start beating his head.

"One hundred bucks." He repeated.

"Alright, alright." The man surrendered.

Dirk let him go, he looked disheveled as he handed Dirk the money and took the fish.

"You're such a brute." Andy commented.

"If we weren't in a hurry, I'd pound ya." Dirk said.

* * *

 **(Team Confessionals)**

 **Cat Lady and Cat**

 **McFluff:** Meow, meeeoow mememewow.

 **Helen:** Next time, next time we do that to him.

 **McFluff:** Mew.

 **Helen:** We got too little money, no time now Mr. McFluff.

* * *

With Annie just finishing the first task, the Doctor and Nurse had arrived at the final task location. There were many seaplanes docked on the beach. They were much smaller than the typical seaplanes. These were made to carry only a few passengers.

"Ah, Dr. Sherman and Nurse Judy. You are the first to arrive to the last part of the race here in the Maldives." Chris addressed to them." Use the money to fuel a plane and get in. The handlers inside will explain a few simple controls about operating the planes. You are not allowed to take off with them. You may only use them as boats for this challenge. We don't want any of you plummeting to your deaths and my bankruptcy from plane repairs. In the possible event that the plane runs out of gas, you'll have to go on using the lifeboat."

"Alright, sounds methodical enough. Let the procedure commence." Sherman decided as he and Judy went into one of the planes.

Johnny and Susie were not far behind them and after having the rules explained to them got in a plane as well. As the man inside started explaining, Johnny got impatient.

"I ain't got time for this." He said as he tossed the man outside and started the engine.

"Johnny!" Susie shrieked." We don't know how to operate this."

"It can't be harder than riding a bike." He said as the propellers started spinning.

He moved the steering pedal to turn the plane a little facing the open water and clicked several things at once until he found what moved the plane. The Doctor and Nurse right behind them. In the bazaar, Helen finally managed to get some cash for her fish from one of the less crowd-attracting vendors. Just as she and McFluff were leaving, Hilbert and Sally arrived.

"Listen, listen listen mate. See this here fish? This ain't no ordinary fish. This here fish is top percentage. I kid you not sir, this fish came down from the fish god himself. This fish is blessed. This fish, man this fish. I don't even know how to say this, but this fish has the power of resurrection. YES RESURRECTION!" Hilbert rambled.

Sally was looking at him incredulously. The vendor didn't seem interested.

"Just take this and leave." The man said, taking the fish and giving Hilbert about 300 Rufiyaa.

"Oooh sweet, 300! I bet this must be worth a thousand dollars. I almost wanna quit the show with this." Hilbert brightened.

"No quitting while I'm around! You'd hog all the cash." Sally stopped him.

"Fine, let's get to the next task, we're so winning this." Hilbert decided.

More teams traded in their fish until at last the Kid and Nanny arrived. Everyone was now on their way to the final task.

* * *

 **(Team Confessionals)**

 **Kid and Nanny**

 **Billy:** (Starts to doze off)

 **Annie:** Billy! Why are you tired? You're usually a lot more hyper. (Gasp) You didn't sleep in the plane did you?

 **Billy:** (Shakes his head)

 **Annie:** Oooh, see when you don't listen to me? I'm disappointed in you young man.

 **Billy:** (Yawn) Sorry nanny.

* * *

The Husband and Mother-In-Law, Half-Sisters, and Housekeeper and Butler all made it to the planes.

"Nice! The fuel gauge is at maximum." Malcolm inspected as he an Bertha got in the plane after paying the attendant to fill it with gas.

"My part is done then. Start piloting." Bertha ordered.

"Oh really your part is done. What part was that? All you did was slow us down." Malcolm rolled his eyes.

"Are you going to start the damn plane or are you going to stand there yapping?" She rebutted.

"Sis, sis this is hard." Mandy looked at all the controls and buttons.

"Let me handle steering then." Maya took over.

"This is quite the change from washing dishes and dusting shelves." Martha admitted.

"Quite. The gentleman graciously explained it all though and I believe we are ready to take off." Niles responded.

The Half-Sisters started first with the Housekeeper and Butler right behind them. The Husband and Mother-In-Law followed as well.

"This is exhilarating!" Martha announced as the seaplane started to catch momentum on the water.

The Bully and Geek were not far behind them and, like Johnny, Dirk cut the tutorial short. Luckily Andy caught a few pointers and offered his advice begrudgingly, if only to try and win the race.

"I'm not a wiz at this, if we lose it's because you didn't wanna wait for the guy to finish explaining." Andy said.

"We won't lose. We're gonna come in first again, you'll see." Dirk said determined.

* * *

 **(Team Confessionals)**

 **Housekeeper and Butler**

 **Niles:** I do say, this is the best position we would be ending up in if we maintain our spot.

 **Martha:** That is true. We are improving Niles. Perhaps we may win this afterall.

 **Niles:** Yes why not? And to think, it was all thanks to the Gypsies missing the first plane.

* * *

The Cat Lady and Cat boarded their plane and started it, the fuel gauge pretty low. Then after them were the Clown and Mime.

"WHAT!? 300 Rufiyaa is $20?! NO WAY!" Hilbert raged upon finding out from the fuel manager.

"Boy, what a steal for a blessed fish." Sally giggled.

"Oh shut up and start the damn plane." He silenced her.

The rest of the teams arrived periodically. Everyone was partaking in the final leg of the race by now, with the Doctor and Nurse and Cosplayers way ahead.

"That team is speeding up too much. They are going to regret it. The driver said exceeding the speed limit will endanger the plane. They will more than likely cause the plane to topple and capsize." Sherman noted.

"Slow down Johnny! I think we're going too fast." Susie held on.

"There's no such thing as too fast." He ignored.

Due to the speed the plane was going in, it overused the fuel and it ran out. It started slowing down until it stopped.

"Hey, what gives!?" Johnny pressed some buttons.

"There's no gas left Johnny. We have to get the lifeboat out and row the rest of the way." She told him.

"Aw man!" He whined.

They tossed out the lifeboat and abandoned the seaplane. They could make out the island they were meant to reach and headed in that direction. It was safe to say the Doctor and Nurse surpassed them.

* * *

In the rear, ahead of the Kid and Nanny, the Pirate and First Mate and the Adrenaline Junkies were to say the least competing again. The two seaplanes were head to head, Roscoe being well used to driving sea-based vehicles and Troy and Alexis having piloted a seaplane before in their pursuit of everything thrilling.

"There is no way we're letting rookies like you beat us this time. We know how to handle these planes." Alexis screamed out of her plane.

"Batten down the hatches Carl, we're being challenged. A pirate's heart belongs in the seas and no vessel is foreign to me!" Roscoe shouted.

Their frenzied piloting had them reach great speeds and they passed the Lawyers and Neighbors and Gypsies.

"Move Troy." Alexis pushed him aside and started lifting the seaplane above sea level.

"Alexis, don't." Troy tried.

"Arrr, ye scurvy scallywags. Ye be playin dirty. Never play dirty with a pirate." Roscoe too ejected the plane upwards.

"Cap'n, this isn't right." Carl shook his head.

"Silence matey, this be war now and this fleet does not back down!" Roscoe spoke harshly.

* * *

 **(Team Confessionals)**

 **Pirate and First Mate**

 **Carl:** Roscoe… Captain Roscoe, we are not allowed to do that.

 **Roscoe:** Not important. The booty is mine, not those thrill seeking guppies'.

 **Carl:** You're taking this too far. You need to stop.

 **Roscoe:** (Throttles Carl) Don't tell your captain what to do. I must win.

* * *

When the Half-Sisters passed the Cosplayers, Maya gasped.

"Here, take over for a sec." She left the steering pedal.

"What no! Maya!" Mandy shuffled to take her place as the plane turned uncontrollably.

Maya extended her head out of the plane and waved to Johnny and Susie.

"Hey sexy mama, hold up." He called out.

Maya went back in and took the pedal from Mandy. She turned the plane the other way.

"What are you doing!?" Mandy screeched.

"They need our help." Maya said.

"So? The Africans need our help but you don't worry about them." Mandy argued.

Maya didn't reply, Mandy grabbed the steering pedal as well and they fought for control of it. The plane was moving erratically, turning and twisting. The Housekeeper and Butler passed them. The Husband and Mother-In-Law tried to pass them but the Half-Sisters' plane moved in front of them at the last second and they collided, almost ejecting everyone out.

"Ah! My back! My back!" Bertha screamed.

"What, no no no, please don't be injured." Malcolm rubbed his head as he stood up after the accident. He rushed over to Bertha who was still in her chair.

"You drive like a madman." Bertha complained.

"Your back is fine. And it wasn't my fault. That team's plane got in the way at the last second." Malcolm told.

They pushed out their lifeboat and Malcolm lowered Bertha and her Wheelchair into the lifeboat. Maya and Mandy had fallen on top of each other in the plane and bumped their heads. They were out cold.

The Cosplayers' boat had arrived to the ruckus and Johnny jumped inside the Half-Sisters' plane. He laid Maya on her back.

"Looks like this needs mouth-to-mouth." He announced.

Maya's lips pursed on their own. Mandy bolted up and punched Johnny.

"Oof!" He fell out of the plane into the water.

Maya got up." Hey! I was that close to kissing him!"

"Exactly! He's a pig!" Mandy argued.

"How dare you! He is hot." Maya defended.

"Hot guys can still be pigs." Mandy rolled her eyes." And what happened to getting our heads in the game?"

"There's always tomorrow. For now I see a hot guy." Maya said.

When the Bully and Geek passed them, they stopped their arguing and got in a lifeboat.

* * *

 **(Team Confessionals)**

 **Half-Sisters**

 **Mandy:** I can't believe you almost kissed him. I'm pretty sure he and that girl with him are dating, when they're not being weirdos in costumes.

 **Maya:** I don't care. Right now he's hot and that's all that matters.

 **Mandy:** You're hopeless.

* * *

The Bully and Geek's advantage was short-lived. Their plane ran out of gas shortly after they passed the three teams.

"Gee, great job Dirk, now we have to row." Andy packed his stuff and got out the lifeboat.

"Shut up dweeb. Start rowing." Dirk snapped.

Andy started to row but he saw his reflection in the water and screamed.

"AHH! My face! What's on my face!?" He started wiping his face, flailing.

Dirk burst into laughter." A mustache and a stupid British one-eyed glass thingy."

"You did this!? Ugh I should have known. That's what got Niles so mad." Andy frowned." And it's called a monocle."

"You're a monocle." Dirk tossed back.

"That doesn't even make any sense!" Andy huffed.

They heard engines and looked around but no seaplanes were visible. Andy then looked up and saw two planes soaring.

"Hey someone's cheating." He pointed out.

"Must be the damned clown." Dirk shrugged.

The Pirate and First Mate and the Adrenaline Junkies were now in third and fourth places. They could even see the Housekeeper and Butler and the Doctor and Nurse up ahead, with the chill zone not far ahead.

"Arrrr give up lass." Roscoe dared.

"Never!" Alexis shouted.

They kept going until they passed the other planes below them. They descended just in time to land near the chill zone and run toward it. As they made their way to it Alexis and Roscoe were pushing each other. Carl and Troy looked at each other miserably. Troy then slowed down as the others reached the chill zone.

"And the Pirate and First Mate make it before the Adrenaline Junkies." Chris announced.

"WHAT!?" Alexis fumed.

She looked back to see Troy not yet crossed the chill zone. She gawked at him

"TROY!" She yelled.

"Aha, the pirate takes the loot again missy!" Roscoe cheered.

"Not exactly. Neither of you is safe yet. Both of you broke the rule of flying and hence each get a 30 minute penalty." Chris revealed." The true winners are…here."

The Doctor and Nurse docked their plane and ran to the chill zone.

"Congratulations Sherman and Judy, you two are the winning team today." Chris addressed.

"Excellent." Sherman breathed." It was quite a ride. I am pleased it is over."

"This is so unfair. We were rightfully first." Alexis raged.

"That's not true for so many reasons Alexis. I'm really shocked at this." Troy argued.

"Don't you start with me now Troy." She frowned.

He shook his head but said nothing. As for Roscoe, the reality of what just happened hit him. He looked at Carl who had been silent since their last confessional. He remembered how he throttled Carl in the confessional and he felt a pang of guilt.

"I..I have made a grave mistake." He mumbled." Carl?"

But Carl turned his back to him.

* * *

 **(Team Confessionals)**

 **Doctor and Nurse**

 **Sherman:** Take notes nurse, rivalry does not produce a healthy competition. Staying neutral is often the only path to success.

 **Judy:** (She nods and writes down)

 **Sherman:** Those two teams will not last long with their bickering ways and rushing to victory. Their downfall will be painful.

* * *

 **(Team Confessionals)**

 **Adrenaline Junkies**

 **Alexis:** Uhhh! This is stupid. We came in first. It is a damned seaplane. PLANE! It is made to fly.

 **Troy:** The rule was clear and you broke it because you were arrogant.

 **Alexis:** Some boyfriend you are, you're supposed to support me.

 **Troy:** I can't support rule breaking and aggression. We signed up to play this fun and clean.

 **Alexis:** But that pirate…

 **Troy:** Don't.

* * *

The Cat Lady and Cat soon also ran out of gas, just behind the Half-Sisters, Cosplayers, and Husband and Mother-In-Law. And then the Clown and Mime right behind them as well. More teams were now rowing rather than moving by plane.

"This sucks." Hilbert complained.

"One more fish might have landed us in first but you had to be a lazy bum." Sally criticized.

The Lawyers and Neighbors were not having difficulty with their fuel supply and started passing all the teams in the lifeboats.

"Aww yeah neighbor, we're going from the bottom right to the top. Look at all those teams stuck in the water." Jim pointed.

"Righty-ho neighbor." Bob acknowledged." Just uh, make sure you slow down a bit at the end so the Lawyers can get there before us. It will look good for the alliance and all."

"Smart idea neighbor." Jim nodded.

Up ahead, the Housekeeper and Butler landed on the chill zone, coming in second.

"Did you hear that Martha? We are in second place in a challenge. This is glorious." Niles brightened.

"Oh happy day!" She hugged him out of joy." Oh pardon me."

She stepped away quickly.

"No worries, we deserve to rejoice." Niles brushed off.

At the back of the race, the Kid and Nanny were struggling to catch up to a team. The only team they could see within distance was the Gypsies.

"This is bad, this is so bad." Annie sped up her boat.

Billy had by now fallen asleep in the plane.

"Here we come neighbor, the final stretch, slow down." Bob told.

The Neighbors slowed down and the Lawyers passed them, going down from the plane and running to the chill zone.

"Lawyers, third place, congratulations on getting out of the bottom." Chris told." Neighbors, fourth place. Just missed it."

"That's fine. It's not a total loss, our allies the Lawyers made the top three." Bob shrugged.

"Allies you say?" Linda piped up.

"Yes, the Neighbors are now in an alliance with us." Carol revealed.

"When did that happen?" Linda smirked at Carol who glared at her to zip it.

* * *

 **(Team Confessionals)**

 **Lawyers**

 **Linda:** Alliance huh? Someone's working this strategically.

 **Carol:** I get to keep Bob closer that way. Of course in addition to the benefits of two pairs of man hands assisting us.

 **Linda:** Well played Carol.

* * *

The teams rowing were all close to each other. Before the first ones could arrive, Chris told the Pirate and First Mate and the Adrenaline Junkies that their time was up and that they got fifth and sixth.

"I guess that's not too bad, but I hate being second to him all the time." Alexis had by now calmed down.

"Enough." Troy shut her up sternly.

She felt upset but she didn't say anything because she knew deep down he was right.

"I see some lifeboats approaching." Chris looked at the coming teams.

The Bully and Geek arrived in their lifeboat and grabbed seventh. Three teams shortly after, eighth for the Husband and Mother-In-Law, ninth for the Cosplayers, and tenth for the Half-Sisters.

"Four more teams to go. It's getting close." Chris said." And here come the Cat Lady and Cat."

Eleventh went to them and shortly after, twelfth place to the Clown and Mime.

"For crying out loud! Twelfth again!" Hilbert raged.

"Yup, confirmed leaving in twelfth place." Sally stated.

The last two teams could be seen approaching in their seaplanes. The Kid and Nanny had just surpassed the Gypsies.

"We're doing it Billy, we're doing it!" Annie cheered.

She then heard a noise she was dreading. The plane's engine spluttering. The plane was out of fuel. It slowed down right before the docks and the Gypsies got ahead of them. They emerged from their plane and took the last safe place.

"Noooo please!" Annie cried.

"I'm sorry to say this Annie but you and Billy are out of the race." Chris informed.

* * *

 **Elimination Montage**

* * *

"What? Did we really lose? No fair!" Billy cried out.

"Yup, life can be unfair at times Billy, that's something you have to understand." Annie began.

"So no more travelling? No more jumping off of bridges and going in balloons and beating zombies and fishing and…" Billy rambled.

"No more. We're going back home, where you're going to be grounded for not listening to me.

"But Naaaaannyyyyyyyyy!" Billy wailed.

* * *

 **Team Placements**

 **1** **st** **:** Doctor and Nurse

 **2** **nd** **:** Housekeeper and Butler

 **3** **rd** **:** Lawyers

 **4** **th** **:** Neighbors

 **5** **th** **:** Pirate and First Mate

 **6** **th** **:** Adrenaline Junkies

 **7** **th** **:** Bully and Geek

 **8** **th** **:** Husband and Mother-In-Law

 **9** **th** **:** Cosplayers

 **10** **th** **:** Half Sisters

 **11** **th** **:** Cat Lady and Cat

 **12** **th** **:** Clown and Mime

 **13** **th** **:** Gypsies

 **14** **th** **:** Kid and Nanny (Eliminated)

* * *

The amount of research that went into that chapter was more than I would like to have done but precision is important. Anyway, the Kid and Nanny are out. There were a couple of good moments for them but it felt like a repetitive dynamic if they were kept for too long. Leaving at this stage is just right.

I would just like to remind you all of the 5 month old **Poll** on my profile for favorite team. It will be taken down before the top 10 so be sure to vote and let me know how you feel about the teams. If you do not have an account and wish to vote, you can review instead, telling me your thoughts. Reviews are life, reviews are love!

 **Mini disclaimer:** I do not own Johnny Bravo.


	4. Chapter 4: Nimble Namibians

Hello again everyone! I'm sorry for the lateness, i got a job, then lost it, and then I was around a lot of writers so I got time and inspiration to write. I will say this, I will still be slow with this fic because of the nature of the franchise and how much research comes with it but I should be able to produce another chapter soon if I don't get another job...

To my reviewers:

 _ **ThorBringsTheThunder**_ : Never give up on your dreams! Who knows, they could end up winning. I like the team as well, even though they are quite difficult to write. Thanks for your review!

 _ **yeezynight14**_ : I'm glad I have someone following the story even at its slow pace. Thank you. I hope I don't end up keeping you waiting too much. Also, yeah the Husband and Mother-In-Law squabbles are funny to write, but Bertha is a difficult contestant to do in challenges.

 _ **bLuewErewOlf25**_ : I'm in touch with you on so many sites that this feels redundant but for image's sake.. Thank you for pointing out all the plot points in the story, I must not have noticed them... XD But yes, the pirate and junkie are butting heads very much so, and Billy is most certainly grounded. As for the doctor being abusive, you'll see. Carol sure did bond with Bob didn't she? And, no, Dirk and Malcolm will not be bonding like that XD

 _ **Bronzern:**_ Nothing brings a writer greater joy than a review much like yours, and I thank you for it sincerely. About being slow, I used to hate it, and promised myself never to take long to post a chapter. Life shows you otherwise. I hope to get back into a steady pace, if not a fast one at least. I had no idea I posted on your birthday, that surely must have been an interesting coincidence. I like your character analysis a lot and you were able to catch some hints for plot points to come, especially with the Pirate and First Mate. The Husband and Mother-In-Law team is funny to write but also difficult because I don't want the arguments to be repetitive or generic. Bertha is also annoying to work with in challenges but they were received well by readers. I think you might like who the Cosplayers take on this time. I'm not sure what you mean about the Doctor and Nurse. I've not seen teams of them so I don't know what their plot would be, regardless, i hope what i have planned for them ends up being somewhat original. Finally, for your last words. I am touched. I did not know I was able to influence someone so heavily. I hear from other writers how you are a star. You surely are more popular than me, (and Roran made that clear). I also think having Chris rather than Pokemon hosts was why many did not read my story, but that's a debate for another time. Thanks anyway, and I suggest you make a choice and stand by it concerning an Amazing Race story as writing one is definitely not easy. Good luck, and hope to hear from you again soon.

* * *

 **Chapter 4: Nimble Namibians**

"Hello again loyal audiences, we come to you after a lovely vacation in the Maldives, for me at least. The teams had some running around to do while there. From fishing to trading, they didn't stop to catch their breath and their stay in the tropical island was short-lived. For one team however, their stay not only on the island but the show as well has come to an end. The Kid and Nanny failed to catch up with the other teams and were sent back to their presumably villa of a home. Thirteen teams to go and we're off to a new destination right now. Can the new alliance withstand the heat of the competition? And can the Clown and Mime's makeup withstand the heat of our next location? I'm not really anxious to find that out but it'll be funny either way so let's get right to it and find out, on, the RidiChrislous Race!"

(Cue theme song)

* * *

Chris was standing at the edge of the island where the previous challenge ended, right on the chill zone.

"So, we're picking off where we left last time and the teams are excited to begin." Chris announced.

The camera moved showing all the teams lounging on the beach, barely anyone interested.

"I said, the teams are excited to begin!" Chris raised his voice.

No one even seemed to hear what was said.

"Last team on the plane out of here will have a penalty." He said out loud.

That was enough to get the whole cast in front of him in a heartbeat.

"Better." Chris brightened." So, in the order you placed in, we'll start this episode."

The Doctor and Nurse stood first in line.

"So, you guys are in first, that's a first. Can someone give me a ba-dum-tss?" Chris cracked.

"I got the tss and the ba, you already have the dumb." Hilbert called out from behind.

"What's that? I can't hear you all the way back in twelfth place." Chris quipped.

"Excuse me, can you get on with it?" Sherman tapped his foot impatiently.

"What are you looking at me for? The Chris cubicle is over there." Chris pointed behind him.

The Doctor and Nurse headed for it. Sherman took out a card and read it.

"Ah, this may require extra precautions. We are travelling to Africa." Sherman acknowledged.

"Where to in Africa you ask? A not-so-cool little place called Namibia!" Chris announced to the camera." Not cool as in, really, really hot. By midafternoon the sand can be hot enough to grill nuts, which the tribes there have used to their advantage. The teams will travel to the depths of Africa and mingle with one of the tribes there for the day. The show is not responsible for any tropical diseases contracted while there."

"WHAT!?" Carol burst." You did not just say that Chris."

"Oh boy, that was not my best timing for a joke." Chris winced.

"Hurry, we must board the plane. I have preparations to make before we reach Africa." Sherman rushed.

"My, this shall be quite a venture Niles." Martha spoke as she read the card.

"This has all been a venture my dear, we shan't stop now." The butler encouraged.

The Lawyers were not as pleased when their turn arrived.

"Explain yourself McLean." Linda frowned.

"Uh, I, uh, you're gonna be late to the airplane. Go go go!" He attempted.

"We're going nowhere until we settle this little legal issue." Carol ignored." Now, let's talk about those diseases shall we?"

Chris sighed.

* * *

 **(Team Confessionals)**

 **Lawyers**

 **Linda:** Not responsible for our safety? They are the ones taking us there, they are obligated by law, not to mention morality and common sense to vaccinate us of any potential foreign diseases we are likely to suffer from.

 **Carol:** The nerve! Do not worry, it is a done deal, the show will more than just vaccinate us. They're going to hand out protective gear and supplies for us and the other teams as well.

* * *

"What do we do Neighbor, do we wait for the girls?" Jim asked.

"I don't know Neighbor. Maybe we should." Bob paused.

"Arr, ye be holdin up the plank me boys, move it along." Roscoe nagged.

Seeing the impatient teams, the Neighbors had to make up their minds quickly.

"They'll be fine, I hope." Bob said as they ran to the Chris cubicle.

"Arr, we may be at a drawback matie, there ain't gonna be much water to sail where we be going." Roscoe rubbed his chin.

Carl didn't reply. He walked on ahead of Roscoe in the direction of the airport on the island, seen from the beach. Roscoe felt a pang of guilt. It was only fair that Carl would be upset. Behind them, it was also trouble in paradise as both Troy and Alexis were mad at each other. Alexis roughly grabbed a ticket from the Chris cubicle and kept going to the port.

"Man seventh sucks. I want to go back to the top 3." Dirk whined.

"I'm okay with you being in the top 3." Andy remarked." And me being on another team that wasn't."

"I'd be okay with that too but I'm stuck with your loser face." Dirk added.

Andy crossed his arms as Dirk read the ticket.

"Where does Chris find all these stupid countries? Why can't we go to somewhere cool like Brazil or Ireland?" Dirk huffed.

"Way to be insensitive to just about everything there is in life." Andy criticized.

"Oh oh, you would know about being insensitive, how could you make a mask making fun of British people?" Dirk rebutted dramatically before laughing.

Andy got flustered." No fair! That was your doing! Plus, not all British people wear them. Mostly aristocrats."

"Man you're such a know-it-all. Just shut up and call us a taxi." Dirk rolled his eyes.

"The airport is right there. Everyone's walking to it." Andy raised his voice.

* * *

 **(Team Confessionals)**

 **Pirate and First Mate**

 **Roscoe:** Come on matie, are ye gonna be mad at ye ole cap'n all day?

 **Carl:** We're going to be late to the airport.

 **Roscoe:** I take it that be a yes.

 **Carl:** That means the Adrenaline Junkies will be ahead and you'll take it out on me some more.

 **Roscoe:** I won't take it out on you Carl. A Pirate's honest promise.

 **Carl:** (Gets up and leaves the confessional)

* * *

"Alright, we hit a hitch last time but we're still in the running." Malcolm showed up to the plane rolling Bertha.

The first plane had taken off with the first six teams. The Husband and Mother-In-Law were the first team to arrive to the next plane.

"Yeah, remember why that was? Because of your useless piloting." Bertha berated.

"I'll remind you of another thing Bertha. Remember when we were doing well? When we sold the fish? Yeah, maybe we should get back to that, you know, when you weren't being bitter all the time." Malcolm attempted.

"That might happen, when you prove you're worthy like you almost did." She replied.

"So you're asking me to be deviant to earn your blessing?" Malcolm's eyebrows rose.

"I'm asking you to grow some balls." She said boldly.

"Gosh you're crude." He grimaced.

The next team to arrive to the plane consisted of two primitively dressed individuals. One was a large burly man with an orange robe-like cloth covering his body down to his knees where it tapered into a shredded design. The cloth was patterned with black triangular patches all over. He wore a flimsy blue tie loosely around his neck. He had nothing on his feet. He had light stubble covering most of his lower face and chin and short black with a bang going slightly forward across his head.

"Wilma, Wilma, what's this? Where's the plane's mouth? Where are its feet? How do they feed it?" He asked.

"I don't know, must be another species of planes." The woman responded.

She was a thin woman with a slight hourglass figure. Her hair was a deep shade of orange with a bun on top and the front bang rolled up and backwards towards the inside. Adoring her body was a knee-length white dress hanging off of one shoulder. A white pebble necklace was wrapped around her neck. She too was barefooted.

"Whatever it is, it looks fancy. Might have to put in a request for new planes in Bedrock." The man said.

"Hurry up Fred, we better board and grab our seats before it takes off." Wilma ushered.

"Alright, I think that was a good enough agreement." Linda decided as she and Carol arrived at the foot of the plane." Chris eventually saw into our way."

"Yes, he did, after threatening to take the show down for endangerment of human participants." Carol added.

"Still a good result." Linda ended." Hold on, we have just reached an agreement, but the first plane had already taken off."

"Oh no, that means the first plane's teams will not receive the insurance policy Chris promised us all." Carol realized.

"And by legal view, it wasn't his shortcoming for he had not yet taken the decision. We cannot hold him accountable." Linda shook her head.

"Let's just board Linda, this is going to give us a migraine, I know it. We failed to effectively keep the law in check." Carol mumbled as she entered the plane.

"Hurry, we need to sit next to Johnny!" Maya rushed.

"Oh no we don't." Mandy pulled her back.

"It's a flight, it's not part of the challenge. Lay off, I won't slow us down like with the seaplane." Maya assured.

"Not even the reason I'm stopping you Maya." Mandy insisted.

"BUT HOT GUY!" Maya tugged harder.

"NO." Mandy pulled harsher.

Maya lost her footing and fell off the stairs to the plane with Mandy with her.

"Ouch." They both said.

The Cat Lady and Cat showed up and Helen unashamedly walk right over their intertwined bodies, followed by Mr. McFluff.

"Hey!" They both shouted.

"Egh, humans." Helen scowled.

Before the Half-Sisters could get up, Hilbert and Sally too showed up and walked over them, albeit avoiding to actually step on them like Helen and McFluff did.

"The worst part about this is that we're still behind the crazy feline worshiper." Hilbert commented.

"It doesn't matter who we're behind, we need to step it up, period." Sally asserted.

The final team to arrive were the Gypsies.

"Come now sister, I have much to plan after the interesting news we heard." Leticia nudged.

"Interesting it is, this will be of great benefit to us don't you think? We had our rest in the shadows yesterday, and nearly got eliminated to boot. Now we must strike and ensure our safety." Gunhilda agreed.

"Fortunately we are going somewhere we can easily flourish in. A desert is perfect for us." Leticia added

"Yes I can predict this shall be our moment to truly shine." Gunhilda nodded happily.

* * *

 **(Team Confessionals)**

 **Gypsies**

 **Gunhilda:** With the Law women forcing Chris to supply us with protection against the harsh elements of the desert, it opens an opportunity for us, especially considering the first plane's inhibitors are unaware of this.

 **Leticia:** Then it is one of those teams that we must focus on. Which one shall we pick as our target?

 **Gunhilda:** I still say we leave the two rival teams to bring themselves to failure.

 **Leticia:** And I am certain the medical team will not be easy to execute this specific plan against them.

 **Gunhilda:** The three other teams are all valid targets then. Hmm, I will leave it up to you dear, surprise me.

 **Leticia:** That I shall my dear.

* * *

On the first plane, it wasn't long before they would reach their destination.

"Nurse, I do not trust airport pharmaceuticals. You know what to do, and you better not screw it up, our health is on the line." Sherman instructed.

Judy wanted to sleep again but Sherman wouldn't let her. He wanted her awake to prepare some vaccinations and to sterilize their supplies while he on the other hand fell asleep as soon as the plane took off. She begrudgingly did what she was told to do, with difficulty, as it was not easy to sterilize supplies on a moving plane.

"I don't think it was the right decision to leave them neighbor, they couldn't make it to the plane." Jim muttered.

"You might be right neighbor. We were not proper alliance members." Bob concurred.

"Let's hope the challenge allows us to help them, then we could redeem ourselves neighbor." Jim hoped.

"Good thinking." Bob nodded.

When Roscoe and Carl got on the plane, Carl deliberately placed a bag on the seat next to him and turned to the window. Roscoe came to sit next to him but saw that Carl had covered the only seat. He sighed and sat on the chair behind him. Troy and Alexis who were sitting next to each other saw this.

"See what you've done? You've come between their…whatever relationship that ties them." Troy scolded.

"That's not my fault, that's because no one can stand that stinking one-legged geezer." She excused." And another thing, that's supposed to make me feel bad? I'm here competing, if they break up their master/slave thing going on, then that's all the better for me. I want to win."

Troy looked at her with a frown.

"What!?" She sassed.

"If you don't change your attitude soon I will purposefully slow us down." He threatened.

"You wouldn't!" She gasped.

"Try me Alex." He ended.

"UH! I can't believe you're sympathizing with the enemy." She turned in her seat.

"I didn't come here to make enemies, I came here to have a blast and challenge myself." He told." And you did too, remember that."

They both went silent after that.

"Arr, I be foolin meself if I say I be enjoying this." Roscoe whispered from behind Carl, referring to the Adrenaline Junkies' spat.

Carl didn't respond. Roscoe decided to sleep on it for now, not much he could do to repair the situation.

* * *

Niles and Martha sat in silence for some time.

"Ah Martha, Africa, I remember going there in my youth. It was quite the harrowing experience.' He started.

"How so Niles?" She asked, taking out a knitting kit.

"T'was the summer of 79, the Levreths were sending the now-Master Levreth on an expedition slash vacation of sorts to the heart of Tanzania." He began." Wild predators, scorching suns, and savage tribes were some of the numerous dangers awaiting us for I had to accompany him."

"Yes I remember that time. I was perhaps eight or nine. Your family had wanted you to get closer to the young master." Martha chided in.

"You are correct, and close did I get. I remember one particular incident where a vicious leopard had decided to make prey of the master. It was not easy but I had to take it down somehow. That day forever changed me." Niles recollected.

"My stars Niles! That must have been traumatizing, but I do say that is quite a marvelous feat." Martha praised.

"Oh yes, the master was gracious in gratitude." Niles confirmed.

"On the bright side, we now know we will not be hopeless in the upcoming challenges. With your experience, we have the upper hand." Martha pointed out.

"Quite right." Niles agreed.

Andy woke up before Dirk did and the first thing he thought about doing was checking his reflection in the restroom. He was relieved when he didn't find anything embarrassing on his face. He went back to his seat and took out his laptop. He decided to have a chat with his friends from class on Skype. He found one of them online and started chatting with him. He only typed though, he didn't want to wake up Dirk. Unbeknownst to him, Dirk was awake but wanted to spy on what Andy was going to say.

" _Yo Andy! Dude, you're so lucky you got to join this thing. For real, the whole class can't wait for the show to air." His friend called Brent typed._

" _I know! I'm having a blast too." Andy responded._

" _So how far have you gotten?" Brent sent._

" _Can't say or the show will sue me for leaking stuff. They barely let me use plane WI-FI." Andy typed back._

" _Aw, can you at least tell me if you're handling it well with he-who-must-not-be-named as your teammate?" Brent asked._

" _It's going okay, could be better." Andy typed." I thought it would be worse, but he's not always a jerk and when he is, it's not so bad, and sometimes he's funny. Plus, he's actually good in a challenge, he has the brawn and I kinda provide the brain."_

" _Ha, you got that right, brawn is all he is." Brent replied._

" _Oh, I think we're landing, I gotta go. TTYL! Say hi to the class for me." Andy ended._

* * *

 **(Team Confessionals)**

 **Bully and Geek**

 **Dirk:** (Sits quietly)

 **Andy:** What? Is there some booby trap for me here? Is that why you brought us to the confessional?

 **Dirk:** You gonna scream and shout whenever we see a monkey or something in Africa?

 **Andy:** Umm, no? I kinda like monkeys.

 **Dirk:** Good.

 **Andy:** Huh, no "well you are one, loser." (Using Dirk's voice)

 **Dirk:** Are you trying to get me to pound you?

 **Andy:** Okay I'll stop talking.

* * *

 **(Team Confessionals)**

 **Doctor and Nurse**

 **Sherman:** Did you do as I ordered?

 **Judy:** (Bags under her eyes) Yes doctor Sherman.

 **Sherman:** I'll have to inspect them before we begin. Winning is great but that means nothing if my health is jeopardized.

* * *

 **(Team Confessionals)**

 **Housekeeper and Butler**

 **Martha:** It is fortunate we are on the first plane again. That was a blessing for us the previous time.

 **Niles:** Rejoice not Martha. I heard the other plane was only an hour behind. We're on much closer terms this time around.

 **Martha:** Ah well, it is for the best this way as well. I would hate for us to be victorious when it wasn't on even grounds to begin with.

 **Niles:** There we go, that's the spirit.

* * *

The Doctor and Nurse went out of the plane to find a Chris cubicle waiting for them. They pressed to get a ticket.

"No challenge is mentioned here yet. It just says to hitch a tourist's car all the way into the Namaqualand region." Sherman read." They're sure to be parked right outside of the airport. Now go get those supplies and vaccines before we go."

"Yes doctor." She obeyed.

"Here we are Niles, it is quite exciting don't you think?" Martha asked.

Niles though seemed to be trembling and sweaty.

"Niles, is something the matter?" She turned to him.

"A..Af.." Niles began before he fainted and fell to the ground.

"NILES!" Martha shouted, bending down to shake the man.

"What's going on?" Jim walked out of the plane." Is he alright?"

"Dear me, I have no clue. He was fine minutes ago." Martha worried.

Jim stood up and whispered to Bob." We need to make it up to the ladies anyway, might as well stay here and help the guy right?"

"Excellent idea." Bob nodded.

Carl went out of the plane in a hurry with Roscoe behind him, and the same happened with Troy and Alexis except Alexis lead the way.

The last pair out of the plane were the Bully and Geek, they followed after the three other teams heading out of the airport. The Doctor and Nurse had just finished their preparations and went out of the plane to find Niles unconscious.

"Out of the way, now!" Sherman rushed.

They made space for him.

"What is it that caused his loss of consciousness?" He asked Martha.

"I fear I do not know doctor, he simply fainted." She informed.

After checking his vitals and temperature, Sherman came to a conclusion.

"Fear not, Niles suffered from loss of oxygen brought on by an acute panic attack. He should be fine when he regains consciousness." Sherman stood up, packing his medical kit.

"Oh, a panic attack? That sounds odd." Martha furrowed her brows." Thank you anyway doctor, you have been of great assistance."

"Yeah doc, great job. Now go on, the challenge's waiting." Jim added.

"Alright, good luck to you all." He wished as he and Judy went to the airport exit.

"You two gentleman have been gracious, but you should get going as well. I will be fine here until Niles awakens." Martha told.

"Nonsense, we'll wait here until you two are fine and ready to go." Jim assured.

"Yeah, this competition isn't going to strip us of our humanity afterall." Bob added.

"You are very kind. Niles are and I will not forget your compassion I assure you." Martha smiled.

* * *

 **(Team Confessionals)**

 **Neighbors**

 **Bob:** Boy neighbor, I feel pretty bad about lying like that.

 **Jim:** No harm done, we're being nice by staying, they don't need to know the details.

 **Bob:** I guess so.

* * *

 **(Team Confessionals)**

 **Housekeeper and Butler**

 **Niles:** Dreadful experience, fainting, if I do say so.

 **Martha:** Niles, what on earth happened?

 **Niles:** …

 **Martha:** Niles?

* * *

 **(Team Confessionals)**

 **Doctor and Nurse**

 **Sherman:** Take note nurse, a wide array of factors could cause oxygen loss. Most common of which is thick-headed buffoons letting their fears and anxiety take a hold of them.

 **Judy:** Doctor?

 **Sherman:** I said take notes, questions are not allowed, do I make myself clear?

 **Judy:** (Flinches) Y-yes doctor.

* * *

Plane number two arrived dropping off the second batch of contestants. Malcolm rolled Bertha out and made his way to the airport gate not looking back.

"That was a lot steadier than the other airplanes we have." Wilma walked out.

"We definitely have to get us some of these tough planes. Secure and comfy too." Fred followed." They didn't even move their wings. Now that's some quality flying techniques."

The Cosplayers made their way to the gate. When the Half-Sisters walked out, Maya had a look of confusion on her face.

"But, where... is..Johnny?" She worried.

"Dead hopefully, now move it, we're already behind." Mandy shoved her.

Helen walked out with McFluff on her shoulder. This plane had allowed McFluff to be considered a passenger as it was part of African airlines. She walked out relatively in a good mood.

"Mreow McFluff, now that's how passengers should be treated." She spoke.

McFluff licked his paw and jumped down from her shoulder.

"I honestly think she's demented. The cat can't possibly understand what she's saying to it can it? I mean, it's not like it's a dog or anything." Hilbert walked out with Sally behind them.

"Hey now, some cats can actually be trained. I think that cat has more skill than she does." Sally argued.

"Huh, for once you actually said something that wasn't total rubbish." Hilbert nodded slowly.

"No rubbish will come out of me when the rubbish is talking to me." She returned.

"Hardyharhar." He mock laughed.

The Lawyers descended the plane.

"Oy neighbor, here they come." Jim stood up." Ladies!"

"Bob, Jim, what on earth?" Carol went over to them.

"What happened to Niles?" Linda asked.

"Poor guy fainted." Bob informed.

"I do hope he regains consciousness soon or we'll be completely done for." Martha sighed.

The Gypsies descended the plane and saw the commotion.

"Did someone say regain consciousness?" Leticia hurried." You are in luck my dear."

"What do you mean?" Asked Linda.

"Leticia always has something to help someone freshen up. It comes in handy in our desert home." Gunhilda told.

Leticia crouched next to Niles." May I?"

"Certainly, if it helps him wake up." Martha allowed.

Leticia took out a flask and dunked the contents into Niles' mouth. After a few seconds he coughed and sprang up in fear.

"Niles! Niles you're alright!" Martha stood up.

Niles blinked a few times." Martha?"

"Well it looks like our job is done here. Take it easy man." Jim waved." Shall we move ahead ladies?"

"I don't see why not." Carol shrugged." Before we wind up in the bottom two."

"Well, that did it. I would suggest you take care. He shall be alright but a little jumpy. The tonic I gave him will keep him... let's say… active for a while, but he will be alright." Leticia smiled comfortingly.

"Thank you very much for your kind help." Martha thanked.

"We must go now, I would assume you'll be following shortly too, best fortune to the both of you." Gunhilda waved.

* * *

 **(Team Confessionals)**

 **Gypsies**

 **Gunhilda:** While not the most intimidating of targets, you did surprise me Leticia.

 **Leticia:** It came on a golden platter my dear. They made it perfect to inject myself. They are by far the least fit team to handle the harsh desert and what it has to offer, and now thanks to my concoction, they will have no chance.

 **Gunhilda:** I suppose the other teams are too far ahead to give them the potion so it was for the best. One team at a time will make do even if it wasn't the most challenging of teams.

 **Leticia:** Yes, you see my logic. We shall worry about the other teams some other time.

* * *

 **(Team Confessionals)**

 **Housekeeper and Butler**

 **Martha:** You had me worried Niles.

 **Niles:** Martha, where are we exactly?

 **Martha:** Niles, have you developed amnesia?

 **Niles:** No, I just want my suspicion confirmed.

 **Martha:** Why we're in Namibia of course.

 **Niles:** N-Nammmibia? As in, Africa?

 **Martha:** Are you feeling well Niles? You're not quite yourself… Niles?

* * *

The first teams to arrive at their first destination were the two rivals. The Pirate and First Mate were dropped in the middle of the desert. Before them stood an African man with a Chris cubicle next to him. Carl pressed the button and read it.

"Either or." Carl summed up." Hunter gatherer."

"Talkative much Carl?" Chris spoke to the camera." The teams' first challenge is to help the village of the Nama people to collect their daily bout of food. While the women of the tribe forage for nuts and berries, the men hunt. The teams have to decide whether they will be assisting the women in sifting through their surroundings to gather nuts and berries or if they'll go out hunting with the men for porcupines. In either option, a team can't return unless they manage to score a find, either equivalent to one full gathered basket, or one hunted prey. Waiting for them at the cubicle is our local translator."

"Arr, well met me good sir." Roscoe greeted the man.

"My name is Ngazetungue and I am your translator." The African man spoke in a heavy African accent.

"What are we waiting for then? A pirate's best skill is treasure hunting so off we go helping out the lasses of the village." Roscoe decided." Don't ya think Carl?"

Car simply shrugged.

"To gather food, go that way." Ngazetungue told them.

Shortly after them the Adrenaline Junkies arrived.

"Quick, we need to…" Alexis began after reading the card but saw Troy had not gotten out of the tour car.

"Move it!" She yelled.

"Finish that sentence, I dare you." He frowned.

She stood with her hands on her hips.

"Troy, are we going to do this right here right now?" She addressed him.

"You tell me. What is it that you want most on this show?" He asked her.

"To win." She simply said.

"Wrong answer." He shook his head.

"As if." She rolled her eyes.

"To have fun." He corrected.

"That too." Alexis agreed.

"That only." He continued.

"No, I want to win too." She argued.

"Yes, we all do, but you want to win in the wrong way." He walked over to her and Ngazetungue." Where did the first team go to my good man?"

"They went to help the women." The guide replied.

"Then we're going hunting." Troy decided.

"I did not decide that." Alexis stopped him.

"Too bad, I did. Let's go, here comes the next team." Troy urged.

Seeing another team about to pass them was enough for Alexis to forget the drama and focus on the challenge. She quickly ran in the direction of the hunting grounds. Troy followed her relieved. The Bully and Geek were quickly on scene.

"Easy, hunting, because you're gonna say gathering is for sissies." Andy mused.

He looked up at Dirk and saw him looking down at him funny before he shrugged and went with it.

* * *

 **(Team Confessionals)**

 **Bully and Geek**

 **Andy:** I know I'm asking for a pounding but, are you okay? You're way too quiet for a bully.

 **Dirk:** You are asking for a beating… UGH shut up already!

 **Andy:** W-what did I say? (cowers)

 **Dirk:** (Gets ready to hit him but stops and instead leaves the confessional)

 **Andy:** Weird.

* * *

 **(Team Confessionals)**

 **Adrenaline Junkies**

 **Alexis:** Don't think this argument is over mister, I just don't wanna be having it on the ride back home today.

 **Troy:** I don't plan on it, but do take this time to reconsider some things babe.

 **Alexis:** Let me focus on the challenge.

* * *

It was evident to Martha shortly after they got in the tour car that Niles was not really fine.

"Driver, perhaps you could slow down a tad. I believe Niles here is unwell." Martha spoke.

The driver obliged. Niles did indeed not look well. He was sweating profusely, even more so than someone in the desert would and he was shaking.

"Niles I do think you are coming down with something." Martha spoke.

"Why must there be so many Zebras and Rhinos? Just why?" Niles seemed too distracted with the occasional distant grazing animal.

"The driver told us they are safe and will not get close to the car. It is the lions that we are to watch out for." Martha told.

"LIONS, WHERE!?" He shouted and started looking around hysterically.

"Oh my, Niles, there aren't any, calm down." She attempted.

If possible, he became even more jittery.

"I am at a loss Niles, are you afraid of the wilderness?" Martha asked dumbfounded.

"Martha. I think I was mistaken, gravely mistaken." He began, breathing intensely." The story I told you on the plane here. I think, I might have recalled it inaccurately."

"Oh? How so?" She asked tentatively.

"I think..I think it was the other way around completely." He blurted." I didn't save my master, the master saved me!"

"Oh." She covered her mouth." That means…"

"Martha, I was terrified! As soon as we landed here, I was a tangle of nerves. I detested the heat, I dreaded the tribes, but worst of all, I was the one who was in danger when that damned animal ambushed us." Niles revealed." If it were not for the master, I would have not lived to tell the tale, or mar it with untruths as I did. In fact, the only tidbit I did not fib about was how gracious the master was. He was sympathetic enough to not expose me to my parents and get us all sacked from service of the honorable family."

"Heavens Niles, why were you not frank with me sooner? I certainly would have been understanding of it." Martha asked.

"I pushed it back into my memory Martha, I suppressed the truth for so long I must have reminisced it as a non-shameful version. I am a disgrace Martha, and now I am in the middle of Africa again, my nerves are a mess, I am a mess." He admitted, trembling.

"Dear Niles, it is alright to admit error. We all have things that frighten us and pasts that haunt us. Maybe you were given this second chance at redemption. Maybe you can prove to the master, or better yet, to yourself that you are capable of what you could not accomplish years ago." Martha encouraged.

"Do you really suppose so?" He looked directly at her, admiring her at that moment." Are you not utterly disgusted?"

"Poppycock, you're only human Niles, and you are much more of a human now for admitting weakness. That makes you strong." She smiled.

Niles held on to her hand with both of his hands." I thank you Martha for your kindness, I will try my best to change the past."

"That's the spirit." She said, echoing his words on the plane." Oh driver, put that car in top gear sir, we have a race to win."

The driver was also happy to oblige.

* * *

More teams arrived at the first challenge's cubicle. The Doctor and Nurse decided it would be easier to gather with the ladies of the tribe. The Husband and Mother-In-Law followed after them. Then the Cosplayers arrived.

"Oh Fred! We can go shopping with the women!" Wilma leapt in excitement." And it'll all be free!"

"Wilma, we are not going shopping in a challenge. We both darn know you take forever to finish shopping. That's why I always tell you to go with Betty." Fred put his hands on his hips." We're going to catch dinner."

"That's not fair. Aren't you excited to see what wares other countries have? What foods they make? We have that choice now." She debated.

"If you want to keep going to other countries we better go hunting or we'll be losing today." He ended." Now hurry up, maybe we can catch us a Dodo, now that'll be one heck of a feast."

"Fine, but only if we can go shopping after the challenge." Wilma compromised.

"Yeah yeah." He drawled.

The Half-Sisters went gathering. The Cat Lady and Cat had an easy choice in hunting. The Clown and Mime also decided on Hunting. Currently, the Pirate and First Mate reached the foraging area and found a bunch of Namibian women preparing to search for food. Ngazetungue was there surprisingly.

"Blimey, how did ye get here Sonny Jim?" Inquired Roscoe questioningly.

"Ngazetungue run fast, run like a Cheetah." He replied without the slightest hint of being out of breath.

"Makes sense matey, so arrrre we ready to find some morsels to take to the village?" He asked, convinced.

"First take this basket." The guide gave Carl a basket.

Ngazetungue called forth one of the women and spoke to her in their local language. The woman then turned to them and started addressing them, making some gestures with her hands.

"What she is saying is, for foraging, you must search among rocks and shrubs for manketti nuts, brandy bush berries, and bush potatoes. Those are found here. You need to fill a fifth of what the women usually fill, so 10 kilograms." Ngazetungue translated." Watch out for scorpions, snakes, and sand trap tarantulas. Also do not touch the The Bushman Poison, it is a succulent plant that is very dangerous and you will die."

Roscoe and Carl went quiet for a few seconds.

"Well I'll be darned matey, this be a challenge worth of a skilled pirate. We will get you those 10 kilos and more. We shall get you 15, no 20 kilos!" Roscoe said enthusiastically.

"Captain." Carl folded his arms exasperatedly.

"I kid you matey, we will get you 10. Now let's go!" Roscoe chuckled.

* * *

Over on another area, the Adrenaline Junkies reached a gathering of men armed with wooden spears. A familiar guide met up with them.

"Weren't you just back there? I'm impressed." Troy nodded slowly.

"Welcome, you are just on time, the men are going hunting now." He told them.

Again, he called over one of the men. He started explaining something to them in a language they did not comprehend. He was apparently teaching them how to precisely strike something with the spear.

The translator began explaining. "You will each be given a wooden spear and spread out with, or if you prefer, without the others to hunt down some porcupines. You need to catch and kill one on your own to pass the challenge. Other animals are not in this area so only porcupines are allowed. The spears are real and dangerous, porcupine spikes can pierce all the way through you so watch out and the show will not be responsible for…"

"DON'T CONTINUE THAT SENTENCE, THE LAWYERS WILL DESTROY US IF THEY FIND OUT." Chris flew in on an airplane.

The men started yelling at Chris.

"The sound of the helicopter will scare away the animals. Leave." Ngazetungue shouted up.

"Big deal, we've done all sorts of hunting before. We are expert spearmen." Alexis brushed the warning off.

The Bully and Geek were told the same explanation when they arrived.

"Oh boy! How cool is this? An actual spear!" Andy held the long weapon with both of his hands. "It's not as heavy as I thought it would be."

"You actually like this?" Dirk asked." A weapon? Something manly?"

"Uh yeah! Every gamer kid loves weapons duh." Andy said excitedly." I mean, no duh, uh, ugh, too late. Come on, hit me, get it over with."

"That's pretty cool." Dirk admitted.

"For a dork?" Andy looked up." Right?"

"…Er, yeah." Dirk responded after catching on.

They stood awkwardly for a second.

"You two go hunting now, I need to reach other teams." Their guide said impatiently.

* * *

By the time the next team had actually started the first challenge, all the teams had chosen their task. They also all happened to choose to help the women forage. Over in the hunting grounds, the next three teams had arrived and followed the Bully and Geek and the Adrenaline Junkies to hunting with the tribe.

"A spear is not as good as a good ol' club but it should do. At least it's long enough to strike the animal without getting pricked." Fred said.

"I hope the next challenge is cooking the porcupine. I don't want to spend the whole day doing man jobs." Wilma said.

"I hope so too, you make a mean porcupine stew hunny!" Fred grinned.

"Gosh I love that show. That team is my favorite team here." Andy said, watching the Cosplayers behind them." And they picked the perfect personas to cover while here in Africa. I think they're a tough team."

"Pfft, we're brain and brawn, we're better than them by a 100 times." Dirk scoffed.

"Brain and brawn?" Andy asked, stopping in his place.

Dirk's eyes widened, he was caught." Yeah, I'm both brain and brawn, and you're just here for team purposes."

"Oh." Andy resumed walking.

That was a close call, Dirk thought.

"McFluff, I don't want you getting too close to that creature when we reach it. Chris is too vile for you to risk getting close to." Helen spoke.

"Meoow." The cat crooned.

"As for the porcupine, like we planned, you hiss at it, when it turns to attack you, I'll strike it." She reminded." I would prefer not to harm it but I know the tribes here are going to hunt them whether I like it or not, so at least I know it's going to be used for food, and not just because savage Chris wants a challenge."

"I'm disappointed." Hilbert commented behind them." That she didn't have the men give the cat a spear."

"The cat probably knows how to use one better than she does." Sally mused.

Up ahead, the men went silent and still. It seemed they found something. One of them scampered quietly behind a bush. The others pointed at the bushes so that the other teams could see it.

"YABADABADOO!" Fred shouted at the top of his voice.

It was enough to stun the other teams, scare the animal out of its hiding place and to irritate the men. Fred charged after the animal when he saw it coming out. He flung his spear right at it and it…missed.

"Great going George of the Dumgle." Hilbert mocked.

"And this is why you're an unsuccessful and just about homeless clown." Sally quipped

Alexis and Troy waited patiently, seeing the men of the tribe chase it and corner it, forcing it to be stuck in a circle between them all and the teams. Helen had McFluff turn around the wild animal and hiss at it. It didn't turn back but pushed back its quills forcing McFluff to retreat. Hilbert was one of the closest to it and extended his spear to try and stab it but the animal dodged. Dirk and Andy tried hitting it but they missed. Eventually Alexis charged from behind, jumped and impaled the spear on the porcupine's back.

"Nailed it." She said, standing proud.

The men calmed down. One of them pointed at a Chris Cubicle not far from where they were for the Adrenaline Junkies to go to. The team did just that, after the men tied the animal to a long pole. Troy held the pole from one end and Alexis the other and carried it with them. When they got to the cubicle troy grabbed the card that came out.

"Says we have to take this to the tribe's camp. There we'll know what the next task is." He read.

* * *

 **(Team Confessionals)**

 **Cosplayers**

 **Marley:** You ruined it Fred.

 **Ulrich:** That was a fluke, the next one will definitely be ours.

 **Marley:** Mhm. Going shopping is starting to sound a lot better now isn't it?

* * *

 **(Team Confessionals)**

 **Cat Lady and Cat**

 **Helen:** That man can't hunt to save anyone's life. Ridiculous caveman dressed buffoon.

 **McFluff:** Meow meo meowow.

 **Helen:** No. You will do no such thing. You will get stung by the quills. We'll catch it even if we have to be slow.

 **McFluff:** (Bites her knee)

 **Helen:** (Bites his paw)

 **McFluff:** Meow!

 **Helen:** You started it.

* * *

Over on the gatherers group, after everyone arrived, they were still busy searching for the food stuffs required. They learned the hard way that it was going to be a long day in the heat of the desert.

"So how much is 10 kilos anyway?" Mandy asked." I am an American."

"Who cares? The basket fits 10 kilos only anyway, that's what Nzategoogoo said." Maya shrugged.

"I think we messed that up, but I don't know what the correct one is." Mandy shrugged too.

"So is Johnny really gone?" Maya asked.

"UGH STOP IT!" Mandy raged.

"But he was so in to me." Maya whined.

Mandy slapped her. Maya gasped.

"Oh no you didn't!" She yelled at her and slapped her back.

They both jumped each other and started slapping and clawing each other and pulling each other's hair.

"Observe, a team that will be its very own downfall very soon I guarantee." Gunhilda whispered to Leticia.

Along with the Pirate and First Mate, they were the most successful team in foraging.

"I am seeing the effects of your potion Leticia, I think he is attempting to combat it, but he will surely surrender to its effect soon. I will admit that his resolve is quite impressive." Gunhilda went on.

"He will fail, rest assured." Leticia smiled to herself.

"Hurry up nurse, this is unacceptable. We were here before them, we must finish quickly." Sherman ordered.

Judy could barely stand up. She was exhausted. The combination of the heat, hunger, thirst, lack of sleep and muscle soreness was tearing her down. The Lawyers noticed this.

"Hey there girl, you look like you're about to collapse. You should get some rest." Linda stood by her side.

"I'm fine." She simply said, distancing herself from Linda.

"Be careful out here." Linda ended, seeing her hesitation.

"Neighbor, this is mighty difficult." Bob commented as he sifted through bush after bush.

"And dangerous. That scorpion back there almost got me." Jim added.

"The women seem to be doing fine, they've filled bags that can carry a lot more than our baskets." Bob pointed out.

"Here neighbor! A goldmine of potatoes!" Jim dug into a bush and took out enough potatoes to fill their basket." Let's go!"

"Wait, how about we split these with Linda and Carol?" Bob whispered.

"That's right, that would be a fantastic idea." Jim told." Linda, Carol."

The ladies walked over to them.

"We found a whole bunch of potatoes that can make our bag 10 kilos heavier. So here, have half of them so both of us are ahead." Bob said.

Someone was watching this with curiosity at first, but then it turned into anger. They were not pleased with the transaction.

"That is nice of you guys. I certainly think this alliance is going well." Carol thanked.

"Woo doggie! This challenge be easier than octopus wrestling." Roscoe cheered.

He somehow managed to jump from one perfect bush to another and found many nuts and potatoes.

"Carl, I told ye, a pirate knows the sands like he knows the seas. Me ship isn't filled with treasures for nothing. We found them all on our own didn't we?" Roscoe chirped.

"Yes cap'n." Carl mumbled, not really interested.

"Come on matey, ye can't stay mad at ye ol' cap'n all day now can ye?" Roscoe paused to directly address Carl.

"Cap'n, I'm just going to help in challenges. Win this and we'll be done. I won't come between you and anything else here so you'd best be ignoring me." Carl spoke, not trying hard to have an accent.

"Don't say that. Carl, you don't come between me and anything. Ye be me pal and matey." Roscoe spoke.

"I see the Adrenaline Junkies have finished their part of the challenge." He nodded in the direction of the Adrenaline Junkies who were running at a far but recognizable distance.

"Blimey! Must hurry." Roscoe immediately resumed searching.

Carl just frowned and searched with him.

* * *

 **(Team Confessionals)**

 **Half-Sisters**

 **Maya:** Couldn't you let me have one guy? You always stop me from having a relationship. You're jealous aren't you? Because Johnny went after me and not you.

 **Mandy:** (Gasps) How dare you!? You're a bitch you know that? To think I was actually looking out for you.

 **Maya:** Oh please, how was that looking out? More like looking for, a hunk, who wanted me, not you.

 **Mandy:** First of all, you have crappy taste, second of all, he was into the both of us, but he picked you because you're a bimbo who fell for his cheesy macho talk. Thirdly, even if I did want him, I wouldn't have done anything because you're my sister and that's a code no family breaks.

 **Maya:** …

 **Mandy:** …

 **Maya:** Mandy…

 **Mandy:** Save it.

* * *

 **(Team Confessionals)**

 **Lawyers**

 **Linda:** The Doctor and Nurse team were on the first plane, if they come down with something, then it's because we failed as lawyers Carol.

 **Carol:** I will sue Chris for every morsel he has for every mistake he's ever committed if something wrong happens to anyone from the first plane due to carelessness on the show's part.

 **Linda:** I'm worried about Judy. She did not look so good at all.

 **Carol:** You know something is wrong when the doctor duo get sick. This does not bode well.

* * *

 **(Team Confessionals)**

 **Doctor and Nurse**

 **Sherman:** There's a problem here.

 **Judy:** (Shivers)

 **Sherman:** You're keeping us late! Get your act together, we were here right after those two, we ought to be finishing up right now.

 **Judy:** Yes doctor.

* * *

The Pirate and First Mate had finished up right after they saw the Adrenaline Junkies sprinting so they followed them. Not long after, the Gypsies also completed the first task, having a lot of experience on foraging in the desert being a great asset. Over on the hunter's party, they had just located another porcupine. Fred kept his mouth shut this time around. They were closing in ever so quietly. They still didn't get to catch it off guard though. One of the men pointed at Hilbert and started complaining to another of the men, and they both laughed. Hilbert could feel it was mockery.

"They're talking about me! What are they saying?" Hilbert turned to Ngazetungue.

"They're saying your colorful clothes will only attract lions in here and that you would not survive one week in the desert." The translator informed.

"They do have a point." Sally shrugged.

"Oh yeah? Well, they wouldn't survive one day in the streets of New York, now that's one tough jungle." Hilbert fumed.

The porcupine spotted them approaching and ran out of its hiding spot. Luckily though, Fred was waiting for it on the other end and managed to spear it, hitting it this time.

"Wilma! Let's get out of here, maybe if we're early to the camp, we get to eat the head." Fred urged.

"Oh save the quills for me, the stew will be perfect." Wilma rushed after him.

"Gross!" Both Andy and Dirk said simultaneously.

Andy looked up at him smiling wide before losing his smile and looking away. Dirk felt his face heating up.

"Stupid." He commented.

Andy thought it was directed at him, but Dirk was referring to himself.

* * *

More teams were getting closer to filling up their baskets. The Lawyers and Neighbors managed to fill up their baskets quickly due to their alliance. The Doctor and Nurse were almost done as well. The Half-Sisters worked in silence, distant from each other so they were making some progress as well. The other two teams were not faring as well.

"Blah, I'm burning up. Malcolm! Come here and move me to the shade." Bertha shouted over to Malcolm who was doing all the searching on his own.

"Bertha, it's like 3 in the afternoon, in the desert. There is no damned shade for miles." Malcolm yelled out.

"Give me that basket so I can cover my head then." She demanded.

"I'm using it for a little something called a challenge for the stupid show your daughter sent you and me on." He exhaled.

"Sand is getting in my dress, I need a bath. I'm hungry. When are we getting out of this smoldering pile of ashes?" Bertha nagged.

"We're done here!" The Lawyers cheered.

"So are we." Bob announced." Good luck my unlucky friend."

Malcolm sighed at the comment directed at him.

"Done, doctor." Judy was panting as she gave the basket to Sherman.

"About time." He roughly took it from her.

The current rankings were Adrenaline Junkies in first with the Pirate and First Mate and the Gypsies behind them. The Cosplayers in 4th, Neighbors in 5th, Lawyers got 6th, and the Doctor and Nurse in 7th. Three teams were still hunting and three others were still foraging. With the hunting party, a third animal was spotted. The teams were feeling competitive and inched closer, trying to nab a quick victory.

"Don't mess this up Hilbert." Sally whispered.

One of the men suddenly speared the shrubs and out came a porcupine running in the direction of the teams. It was charging right at Hilbert and he panicked. Dropping his spear and running the other way. Both Helen and Andy took the shot and ended up impaling the animal at once.

"Got em!" Dirk shouted.

"Mreow, that's mine." Helen tugged.

"I think I got it first." Andy argued.

"No, it's mine!" Helen refused.

"Nu-uh that's ours crazy lady." Dirk tugged on Andy backwards.

"MINE!" She hissed.

"NO" Dirk pulled.

"This isn't getting anywhere. We can both bring it back." Andy suggested, giving up.

"No." Dirk and Helen shook their heads.

"We're wasting time. Do you guys wanna lose to the clown?" He asked.

They paused. "Fine."

* * *

 **(Team Confessionals)**

 **Clown and Mime**

 **Sally:** Good going, you messed it up.

 **Hilbert:** Porcupines are dangerous you know. Those quills are as sharp as our spears.

 **Sally:** We're in last. We probably won't even get 12th, we're going to get slammed by fate and get 13th. Just you see.

 **Hilbert:** You're as pessimistic as you look. Maybe if you'd helped we wouldn't be here to begin with.

 **Sally:** I didn't want to get in your way.

 **Hilbert:** How considerate of you.

* * *

The Half-Sisters had just completed their first task. The Husband and Mother-In-Law were slowly getting there. The Housekeeper and Butler though seemed to be struggling, mainly because Niles was not all there and Martha was too preoccupied with him.

"Martha, I feel queasy. I can barely stand." Niles panted.

"Dear me Niles, this is getting out of hand. I wish the good doctor was here to assist us." Martha tried to support him.

"I feel feint and the slightest sound is making me jumpy." He told her.

"It's concerning that your memories of Africa are causing all of this." She sighed.

"Leave me Martha, we need not fail together. You can prosper on your own, it is not fair to you that I must be a hindrance." He coughed.

"Stop this nonsense. We came here together, and we will stick together, and when the time comes, we will leave together." She silenced him.

In spite of his deteriorated condition, Niles stood up straight enough to give Martha a genuine smile.

"I gave my word to fight this, and I will. For you Martha, I shall fight my fears." Niles said.

Martha smiled adoringly.

"See Malcolm, that's a man right there. You'll never come close to that." Bertha compared, having eavesdropped on the whole interaction.

"The only thing I'm seeing is a full basket." Malcolm ignored and placed the full basket in her lap." Hold on to that, we need to hurry."

"And then there was one." Ngazetungue narrated.

* * *

 **(Team Confessionals)**

 **Husband and Mother-In-Law**

 **Bertha:** I wonder if that butler is single.

 **Malcolm:** Oh, oh God, I don't wanna know. Urgh.

 **Bertha:** An old woman's still got urges you know. You better still have what it takes to please Emily if you actually end up aging together.

 **Malcolm:** I'm getting an urge…to barf. Bertha, please, shut up.

* * *

Some of the teams had made it to the next location, the Nama people's campsite. Among those teams were the Adrenaline Junkies, the Pirate and First Mate and Gypsies. They found some of the men and women of the tribe gathered around the campsite. It was now around 5 in the afternoon but the sun was still flaring above. The teams rushed to get the ticket from the Chris cubicle at camp.

"It's a three-part Botch or Watch." Read Troy." One of us has to make a Mbira, the other has to play it, and the one who made it has to dance to its beat at the evening campfire gathering."

"I must be slow today, could you repeat that?" Roscoe scratched his head." What is this thing, Mbira? And how do they make such a thing?"

Carl shrugged. The Gypsies huddled together away from them and Alexis and Troy started arguing.

Chris addressed the camera." In this artistic task, the contestants have to take turns partaking in one of the Nama people's most iconic musical traditions. The Mbira is a musical instrument popular in Namibia and the teams have to piece one together, play it and dance to it. All in a fashion that pleases the Nama people."

"Aye, looks like we better be planning the roles now." Roscoe turned to Carl." I'm afraid me handy work is not cut out for a prize and I know for a fact that ye be good at crafting things. How about ye handle the making of the instrument and I do the playing? I play me a mean beat ya know."

Carl was slightly amused at this and couldn't contain a chuckle.

"Sure thing cap'n." Carl smiled.

"It may be best if you etched the Mbira." Gunhilda suggested.

"Although your enchanting dance would be fitting for the occasion." Leticia argued.

"But you are the more skilled of us in craftsmanship." She retorted.

"Troy, you know darn well I can steal the spotlight if I end up dancing." Alexis bragged.

"Can you be any more difficult today?" He muttered.

"Can you be any more insensitive?" She glared at him.

"The only thing you're going to steal is last place if we do because you can't even tie a string right. There's no way you'd be able to put together a musical instrument." Troy debated.

'Ugh, fine, you're right." She huffed in defeat.

* * *

As more and more teams made it to the campsite, the preparations for the night were underway. While the tribe's women skinned, cleaned and started roasting the porcupines, the teams had started working on the Mbiras, after receiving a few instructions and supplies by Ngazetungue.

"It is fascinating to spend time with such a different culture." Linda marveled.

"Focus Linda, right now I'm looking forward to spend time with someone specific. We can't waste time." Carol reminded her.

"I believe that means you want to dance tonight, since he's apparently doing the dancing as well." Linda smirked.

"Try not to laugh too much at the sight of me dancing." Carol urged.

"No promises." Linda giggled.

"Nurse, get crafting, now." Sherman sat down.

Judy sighed, looking broken down. She sat on a rock and started inspecting the items given to her. There was a square wooden board. Some metal pins, string, springs and copper wires. When the Cat Lady and Cat and the Bully and Geek arrived with one shared porcupine, Chris stopped them from going any further.

"Ah ah ah, where are you guys going?" He asked." The task was for each team to bring one porcupine."

"We both caught it at the same time." Dirk shrugged.

"Then you'll both get a penalty. You must wait 30 minutes before starting the second task." Chris told them.

"Dude, come on." Andy whined.

"Stupid humans." Helen dropped the porcupine and stomped away.

* * *

 **(Team Confessionals)**

 **Cat Lady and Cat**

 **Helen:** This is what yeow get when you share with heowmans.

 **McFluff:** Meowow.

 **Helen:** From neow on we're not compromising with aneow one else.

* * *

 **(Team Confessionals)**

 **Lawyers**

 **Linda:** I never thought I'd live to see the day Carol voluntarily chooses to dance.

 **Carol:** And you better not mess it up with your playing. I'm putting myself at stake. Don't embarrass me in front of him, or in front of a tribe of Africans, or the whole world.

 **Linda:** Hunny, try not to think about all that and have a good time out there. You could really use a chance to unwind.

* * *

While some of the teams were almost done making their Mbiras, the Clown and Mime had still not managed to hunt down a porcupine, in spite the many chances the tribesmen gave him. By now they were no longer amused, but rather annoyed with Hilbert's inefficacy. Sally was even trying now but also failing. It was starting to get late and the sun was setting so the men decided to call it a day.

"Hey hey, where are you all going? We still have a porcupine to catch." Hilbert objected.

One of the men brushed him off cursing under his breath. Another pointed at the sun and then the way to the camp.

"I think we better go back with them. I don't wanna be out in the middle of Africa at night with you." Sally suggested.

"There are hyenas out here and you're worried about being with me?" Hilbert raised an eyebrow.

"Yeah because at least a hyena would eat me quickly. You'd just bore me to a slow painful death." She rebutted.

"I could stab you right now, no one would come for you here. Think about that." He snarled as he walked after the men.

"Yeah right, we both saw how good you are at stabbing stuff." Sally retorted.

* * *

As the women were finishing up, the Housekeeper and Butler were done collecting as well. It took them longer than it should have but at least they could say they made it. Niles seemed to be feeling slightly better. They made their way back to camp with the women. The Half-Sisters and the Husband and Mother-In-Law also arrived at camp and started their work on the Mbiras.

"Okay you four, you can start now." Chris addressed the Bully and Geek and the Cat Lady and Cat.

"Meoabout time." Helen puffed.

"Finished cap'n." Carl presented the completed instrument. It actually looked authentic and professionally made.

"Ye be earning a promotion matey if ye keep this up." Roscoe praised.

Carl smiled, thinking Roscoe had been sincere about his apology. Maybe he wouldn't be overly competitive anymore.

"Hurry up Troy!" Alexis panicked.

"Okay okay, I'm done, here!" Troy handed the instrument to her.

Ngazetungue told them that they should sit around the campfire and play the Mbira, the other team member would dance with some of the tribe people. When the other listeners were satisfied, they'd signal the successful teams to proceed and get a card from the nearby Chris cubicle.

"Hurry sister, they are starting over there." Leticia stood up, handing Gunhilda the Mbira, which looked in great quality as well.

The three teams all began the second and third parts of the task at once. They were seated distant from each other so that their music wouldn't interfere too much, but they could still hear the other teams' playing. Carl, Troy and Leticia stood up to dance to the playing. When the music started, Leticia immediately began with the other women, somehow matching their tribal dance moves. Troy stood awkwardly at first until he noticed some patterns in their dancing and mimicked them to the best of his ability. Carl tried to match it but he felt weird doing it.

"Ye be doing great matey, keep it up." Roscoe cheered.

Alexis narrowed her eyes at the pirate." Go Troy, slay with those moves baby!"

"Ain't nobody gonna win this but you matey. Nobody." Roscoe shouted louder.

"Troy, you're easily the sexiest best dancer up there!" Alexis yelled.

Their playing was suffering because of their involvement with the dancers. They didn't notice they were pressing the keys on the instrument too strongly and causing the tunes to come out botched. Consequently, the dancers suffered, and their dancing became arrhythmic. Carl was disappointed and embarrassed, trying to keep up a proper dance. Troy frowned and lost his focus. In the commotion, the side enjoying the show put on by the Gypsies was so pleased they gave them the pass to move on.

"Excellent performance." Gunhilda praised.

"It was you who did not falter." Leticia returned.

"As expected, those two teams are their own undoing. They shall remain here failing while we jump to victory." Gunhilda commented.

"Let us inspect the next task." Leticia took out a card from the Chris cubicle." Ah, delightful, an evening around a campfire does not reach its closure without a bout of storytelling. This shall be interesting."

"For their final task, the teams will have to dig into their imagination and tell a campfire story that entertains the tribe. If they are pleased, the teams are free to complete the race. The Chill zone is a sprint away from the campsite." Chris spoke.

Troy saw the Gypsies finish and stopped dancing. He kicked at a log in the fire and stomped off, causing Alexis to stop abruptly as well. Roscoe was distracted and stopped playing.

"Crud, Carl, I…" Roscoe turned to Carl.

Carl sighed and walked off the camp.

"Carl!" Roscoe tried futilely.

* * *

 **(Team Confessionals)**

 **Gypsies**

 **Gunhilda:** They are starting to fall apart, do you see it? None of the members of those two teams is in a chipper mood.

 **Leticia:** That is fortunate.

 **Gunhilda:** It was a very enjoyable day here don't you think?

 **Leticia:** Certainly, and now it shall get better. Your tales are masterful and will leave the Nama people in awe.

 **Gunhilda:** I have quite the tale prepared for tonight.

* * *

By the time the Clown and Mime and the Housekeeper and Butler reached the camp, few were still in the process of making the Mbiras. Several teams were playing their music and dancing.

"You're not half bad out there Carol!" Linda encouraged.

"Agreed!" Jim said from the opposite side." You too neighbor!"

"Same to you from Bob." Linda mimicked.

Carol was dancing and her eyes were fixated on Bob who was trying to keep in rhythm with the other dancers. Mandy was playing the instrument as Maya danced, same with Fred, who danced near Maya. The young girl approached him eagerly, she elbowed him while dancing. He looked at her and then went back to dancing, she did it again and he gave her an annoyed glance. She kept inching towards him and Mandy noticed this, she gasped but didn't jeopardize their progress so she kept playing

"Hey little girl, what're you trying to do? Get us both a penalty? Get lost." Fred scolded Maya.

It was then that the women watching the dance gave both teams the signal to pass.

"But Johnny!" Maya flung herself at him." I know you're in there."

Fred blushed. Maya felt someone tap her shoulder. She turned and felt a thud before blacking out. Standing over her was Wilma who smashed the Mbira over her head. She angrily grabbed a confused Fred's arm and dragged him off. Mandy dropped her instrument and ran to her Sister, shaking her. Maya groaned and rubbed her head.

"You moron, how could you throw yourself at a married man? Wait till your dad watches this, he's going to skin you alive." Mandy reprimanded.

Maya blinked at her a couple of times before breaking in a gush of tears. Mandy softened and hugged her.

"Oh Maya!" She held her.

* * *

 **(Team Confessionals)**

 **Half-Sisters**

 **Maya:** (Bawling) It hurts!

 **Mandy:** It's okay sis, I'll ask Gazymongoose if the tribe's got any ointment for your head.

 **Maya:** Not my head, my heart!

 **Mandy:** Aww hunny. You'll be okay, ugh I told you to stay away from them.

 **Maya:** I couldn't help it.

* * *

 **(Team Confessionals)**

 **Cosplayers**

 **Marley:** Fred, is there something you want to tell me? Hmm?

 **Ulrich:** That was not my fault. She threw herself at me. I had nothing to do with it, except maybe my good looks hehe.

 **Marley:** Good looks huh?

 **Ulrich:** Yeah, honest. You know I only have one woman in my life Wilma.

 **Marley:** Humph!

* * *

The Lawyers and Neighbors were also moved on to the third round.

"Okay Bertha, this is important, and there's no escaping responsibility." Malcolm started." The challenge needs both of us to do something different. One of us has to make the instrument and dance while the other has to play it. Which one do you prefer to handle?"

"You want me to dance with a broken hip? You're the most insensitive demanding…" She began.

"Cut that out, your hip is better than mine." Malcolm brushed." Please, this needs both of us to work together, if you want us to go back so early and disappoint Emily, then you can sit in that chair and complain all day but if you want us to go on, and kick everyone's butt, you need to do something."

She inhaled deeply." Well, took you long enough to grow a backbone."

"What?" He blinked.

"Get to work son, this old bat's still got some skills in her knuckles." Bertha said.

"Y-you called me son." Malcolm grinned." You've never called me that!"

"Don't get sappy with me or I'll shove my walking stick up your kisser." Bertha scowled.

Malcolm was overjoyed and but kept his mouth shut. He immediately began working on the Mbira.

* * *

 **(Team Confessionals)**

 **Husband and Mother-In-Law**

 **Malcolm:** Bertha I do believe this marks the start of a new leaf.

 **Bertha:** If I see you being a whiny little coward, I'll make your life hell, you hear me?

 **Malcolm:** Yes sir!

* * *

Alexis went after Troy and they could be heard having a colossal argument at the edge of the campsite. Roscoe also followed after Carl, who sat with his back to the rest. He sat silently next to him.

"A mighty beautiful night ain't it?" He broke the silence.

Carl exhaled softly.

"I suppose yer mad at yer captain." Roscoe began." Wouldn't blame ya."

Carl didn't respond.

"When I was wee lad, I always dreamt of exploring the world and seeing all its wonders." Roscoe reminisced calmly." I could never get out of me home though and those dreams were locked away for the longest time, but then this show came along and I got the chance to live me dream."

Carl bent his head forward, listening to what Roscoe had to say.

"Being the only licensed pirate back home, I was the best at me thing." Roscoe went on." When we came here, that girly beat me in the boneyard, and I was furious Carl."

Carl looked up at him.

"I felt as though everything I've done as a pirate was worthless, all me treasure, all me loot meant nothing." The blond pirate revealed." I had to prove myself matey. I had to defeat her. Nothing was going to stop in me way."

"I know." Carl frowned, looking back down.

"But I was foolish Carl." Roscoe said." I was wrong to do that, especially that you were with me every step of the way. And then I had to be a damn brute and treat you harshly back on that tropical island. I regret one thing on this show Carl, and that was not appreciating a true mate."

Carl sighed.

"I'm through with being arrogant and blind matey. That team means nothing to me anymore. I'll be damned before I let it cost me me favorite first mate and me closest friend." Roscoe assured, putting his hand on Carl's shoulder.

Carl looked at Roscoe, seeing the sincerity.

"I promise Carl, no more competitiveness, at least not the type that makes me hurt our friendship." He vowed." Will you give yer ol' cap'n one last chance?"

He spat on his hand and extended it for Carl. Carl spat into his own hand and took Roscoe's with a smile and shook his hand.

"Now what do you say we get back there and be done with this ocean-less desert?" Roscoe pitched.

"Lead the way cap'n!" Carl grinned.

* * *

 **(Team Confessionals)**

 **Pirate and First Mate**

 **Roscoe:** Carl matey, if ye ever see me acting like a fool again, ye go ahead and kick me in me peg leg will ye?

 **Carl:** (Chuckles) Is that an order cap'n?

 **Roscoe:** Really though Carl, I don't want ye to bottle your anger or disappointment in me. Our friendship is worth more than the show's reward.

 **Carl:** It's worth more than the show's reward to me as well Roscoe.

* * *

"So uh, who does what?" Andy asked tentatively.

"I don't do dancing." Dirk simply said.

"Um okay. I'll make the Mbira and you can play it." Andy said as he sat down to start building the instrument.

Next to them, Helen was piecing together the Mbira. Malcolm too was making quick work of the instrument. Niles arrived to camp and saw all the tribal people. The sun had set now and the camp was illuminated only by the campfire. Niles started to worry, feeling apprehensive of the Africans.

"Niles, it'll be alright. We just have to do a little bit of dancing." Martha eased." I suggest you relax while I make the Mbira. I don't quite think you're in the best condition to be dancing so I'll take that part."

Niles swallowed a lump in his throat." Alright."

"So I guess we get another penalty now?" Hilbert rolled his eyes, addressing Chris.

"Nah, not this time." Chris told." You guys had enough time lost failing to catch a porcupine, you would have had one though if you had come back before the other men."

"Lucky us." Sally said sarcastically." So what's our next fantastically impossible task?"

"Make a musical instrument, play it, and dance to it." Chris summarized.

"Hey, they're all right up your alley." Sally beamed." We definitely need your impressive clowning skills for this."

"I seriously hope a lion shows up and eats you tonight." Hilbert muttered.

"It's a botch, watch, and then botch some more." Sally read the card." Dibs on playing the instrument."

"Do you only exist to torment me?" Hilbert raged.

* * *

The Pirate and First Mate went back for another shot at dancing. The Adrenaline Junkies were also just getting back after a round of arguing that seemed to go nowhere. They took their positions to dance again. Carl was apprehensive of the situation but Roscoe smiled to him and kept his eyes on him, meaning he was going to ignore the other team. The music started playing from both parties and Troy and Carl went back to dancing, having gotten better at it this time around.

"That's it Troy, you're doing great." Alexis cheered, more so to taunt Roscoe again.

The pirate didn't say anything though and kept playing calmly.

"You've got this in the bag babe!" Alexis shouted louder.

Troy glared at her, seeing her only watching Roscoe who had not looked in their direction once. The Nama campers signaled both of them to move on. Alexis immediately stopped playing and marched up to Roscoe. Roscoe stood up slowly.

"You're still losing today." She said, frowning at him.

"Looks like we're done here Carl, nicely done." Roscoe said, completely ignoring her.

"Hey! I'm talking to you!" She raised her voice.

This time Roscoe did look at her.

"Let it go lass, ye be nothing special anymore. Ye be like the rest of them teams, and I grow weary of our silly dispute." Roscoe said with a steady voice." Now if you'll excuse me, me teammate and I have got a race to finish."

He turned his back to her and walked off with Carl. Alexis was fuming. She bawled her hand into a fist and prepared to punch him but Troy caught her fist and spun her around, he slapped her roughly. It grew silent around them.

"That's it Alexis, if you interact with them one more time, I'm breaking up with you right now, right here and forfeiting the race." He said harshly." Leave them alone. They've obviously moved on."

She had her mouth open, holding her cheek.

"Get yourself together, if you value anything between us." He ended, going to grab the next card from the Chris cubicle.

Carl saw what happened and turned to Roscoe, who refused to turn back and watch.

"I'm proud of you cap'n." Carl admitted.

"I meant what I said matey, and a pirate's word is truer than gold." Roscoe said." Let's go matey, we have a wild tale to tell tonight."

* * *

Seven teams were through to the third and final stage and six others were still on part two of the race. The former were about to start their tales. Ngazetungue would be translating to the Africans. Gunhilda was starting with her tale.

" _In a far far away desert, there was a family. A woman, a man, and their two daughters."_ She began." _They lived among nomads, moving from one place to another to survive. The man and woman were cruel though and beat their daughters. The two sisters had only one friend in the mobile village, and it was the old hag. She was feared as well as respected because of her mysterious powers. Anyone who crossed her often had tragedy strike them."_

The people in the tribe seemed to focus fully on the story.

" _One man once attempted to take her as a wife against her will, the next day he was found at the edge of the camp, dead."_ Gunhilda said, pausing dramatically.

" _His body decomposing at an unusual rate, his eyes glossed over with a gray plaque, his face contorted in a disfigured look and mouth missing all of its teeth. The village suspected the old hag but no one could prove it. She took in the girls as a friend and guardian and they looked up to her, she taught them much more than her parents did. When the girls turned twelve, their father planned on marrying the girls to two men from the village in exchange for food and clothes. The daughters didn't want to be wed, especially to such brutish men."_ Gunhilda continued.

"What did they do?" Chris asked, sitting in the circle, eating a porcupine skewer and listening fully to the tale.

" _On the dawn of the following day, the wedding was going to happen. The village was awoken by the sound of a terrible shriek coming from the family's tent. They gathered to find the mother distraught and weeping. Inside the tent, her husband was sprawled on the ground, tied and his belly opened, insects spilled out of it."_ Gunhilda revealed." _The mother cried out asking where her daughters were but the village never did find them. Rumors of them roaming from desert to desert, acquiring more skills and knowledge were told but no one could confirm them. One thing was certain though, that the mysterious deaths that occurred in the village resonated across the desert and all other nomadic tribes felt the fear of it happening in their own villages."_

The Nama people looked terrified. One of the men shakily made a gesture to Ngazetungue.

"You go now, go quickly." He said.

The Gypsies got up and took a ticket from the cubicle.

"We must present this ticket at the chill zone not far from here, come sister." Leticia ushered.

* * *

Over on the other side of camp, four teams were now at the dancing and playing part. Andy, Helen and Malcolm had just started while Judy had been at it for a while. The Doctor and Nurse duo were not getting the okay to move on. Sherman's playing was bad but not horrid. Judy's dancing though was out of rhythm and slow. This infuriated Sherman.

"You're holding us back nurse. Focus." He scolded.

Judy then swayed forward and fell face first. At first they thought it was a misstep but Judy did not get up. Some of the tribe's women jumped up to check on her. They turned her on her back to find she was unconscious.

"Hey doctor, I think she's sick or something." Malcolm pointed.

Sherman got up and inspected her." Hmm, she's suffering from exhaustion, dehydration and lack of sleep. Nothing some rest won't fix."

The teams went back to their task. Hilbert watched as McFluff played the Mbira somewhat adhesively to the beat.

"Are you kidding me? It plays a tropical musical instrument as well? Is this cat the god of cats or something?" He whined.

"It's playing better than her dancing that's for sure." Sally added.

Neither Dirk nor Bertha were playing that impressively either though, but the three teams all got the green light to move on, leaving only three more teams behind. At the same time the Cosplayers got a pass to move on after Fred told a story about hunting dinosaurs that felt somewhat relatable to the Nama people.

"Come on Wilma, we're on the last trek now." Fred rushed.

* * *

 **(Team Confessionals)**

 **Doctor and Nurse**

 **Sherman:** Drink this (hands her pills and water). An hour and you'll feel good enough to compete. I expect you to get back on your feet and finish that dance. I am not losing today do you understand me?

 **Judy:** Yes doctor.

* * *

 **(Team Confessionals)**

 **Clown and Mime**

 **Hilbert:** We're in the bottom three, but it looks like we might just make it in 11th this time, and I'm okay with that.

 **Sally:** Good work jinxing it. Just for that we're going to end up at 13th.

 **Hilbert:** Wash your mouth out with soap. While you're at it, add bleach too, maybe you'll shut up and actually become a successful mime.

* * *

Maya was still crying and Mandy had to pause comforting her to tell a story. After they passed, the Neighbors and Lawyers both went and got a pass each. The three of them all raced to the chill zone. Speaking of which, the first team was about to reach it.

"And in first place is…" Chris spoke as someone emerged from the dark desert." The Gypsies!"

"From last right into first place." Gunhilda told." Proof of our unmatched skill."

"Though we must be giving credit to the fact that the region was lovely. The desert is a great place to hold a challenge." Leticia reminded.

Not long after them the second team made it.

"Second place Cosplayers." Chris told them.

"Second place ain't that bad Wilma." Fred smiled.

"As long as those two girls lose, today will be a good day." Wilma crossed her arms.

"You're so beautiful when you pout." Fred kissed her cheek.

Back at camp, Roscoe told a story about a fleet war and the search for a golden statue on a deserted but dangerous island. Troy as well had to tell a tale about some wild adventure including a mafia, bungee jumping, stolen Bengal tigers and a baby and the tribesmen were intrigued. Both teams were also off to the chill zone with the Pirate and First Mate ahead. At this time, the Clown and Mime were finally done with the dancing, after the Nama people were bored of Hilbert's clumsy dancing. Sherman was furious as he had to wait for Judy to be strong enough to get up. When she was ready, Sherman didn't waste time in making her dance. Near them Martha and Niles were given the pass to move forward, leaving only the Doctor and Nurse.

* * *

Bertha told a story about the times Malcolm failed to meet her expectations, much to his dismay and they were allowed to pass. Then came the Bully and Geek's turn to narrate. Dirk let Andy have a go. Andy thought it was because Dirk couldn't be bothered with it. He ended up telling a long unnecessary story about the time he had a raid with his friends in an online massively multiplayer game. The tribe were too confused to understand but the action in the story and Andy's enthusiasm let them be semi-entertained and they let them pass. Helen was supposed to spin a tale next and she was annoyed but she had no other choice.

" _Meow, there was a young woman living in a small house all alone. She lived day to day without much trouble. She worked by night and by day had nothing but taking care of her elderly mother in a shelter."_ She began." _She always bought lottery tickets thinking nothing of them, but one day she won and had a fortune suddenly drop on her. About the same time a handsome young man jumped into her life. He treated her like a princess for a few days and she felt her life complete. The following week her mother passed away and the funeral had only a few attendees including her cousin. Her cousin stayed with her for a couple of days. On the morning of the third day she woke up and couldn't find her cousin. She also could not reach her new love, but worst of all she could not find any of the money she had received from the lottery. Her cousin had withdrawn them in her name after taking her identity and with the help of her boyfriend, the young man who had treated her like a princess, her cousin eloped, leaving an over-sized empty house and no money for the woman who broke down. She never again trusted any living person."_

Her tale was told quickly and she stopped abruptly. There was silence and the tribe were looking at her weirdly.

"What is lottery?" Asked Ngazetungue." But you pass anyway."

"Well that was something." Sally whispered to Hilbert.

"Do you think… nah forget it. Let's just think of something to tell now." Hilbert brushed off.

* * *

 **(Team Confessionals)**

 **Cat Lady and Cat**

 **McFluff:** (Puts paw on Helen's knee then jumps into her lap)

 **Helen:** That money will be good for us Mr. McFluff. We need to survive a little more with humans then we can be alone, and keep the house.

 **McFluff:** (Starts purring)

* * *

Several teams were about to reach the chill zone.

"Here comes third and it's…" Chris waited." A wild dog?"

A pack of wild dogs arrived to the chill zone.

"G-good boys." Chris backed up.

"Leave this to me." Fred walked forward." YAAABADAAABADOOO!"

He shouted at the top of his voice. The dogs scattered away in fear.

"If I hadn't already announced the results, I would have given you guys first place just for that." Chris told." Okay, the actual third place is… the Half-Sisters!"

The girls reached the chill zone, followed by the Neighbors in 4th, Lawyers in 5th, Pirate and First Mate in 6th and Adrenaline Junkies in 7th.

"That's twice in 4th now neighbor." Bob said." We're getting better."

"Maybe next time we can be in the top 3." Jim hoped.

"Tomorrow we'll be in first matey, and no more distractions. It's you and me to the top." Roscoe half hugged Carl who smiled at having things going back to normal.

* * *

The Doctor and Nurse were allowed to pass, mostly out of sympathy for Judy who danced but was slow. When they were passed along, Sherman told her to rest as he told his story. Before him though were the Clown and Mime. Hilbert started talking about the circus and how he was the best attraction in it. To add to the story, he stood up and asked for a volunteer. He then proceeded to perform several tricks on him from pie in the face, water spraying flower and then buzzer hand shake. After the third one the man punched Hilbert in the face and he dropped to the ground dazed.

"You're so bad at clowning around you couldn't even make a tribe of Africans laugh." Sally told him." Let that sink in."

Niles and Martha were given the stage next. Niles was paranoid though, he couldn't say anything and it was silent before Martha improvised and started telling a tale. Halfway through it though Niles started breathing heavily as the men started discussing among themselves. He stood up abruptly.

"Savages! Stay away from us!" He held on to Martha and spun around, watching everyone for any movement.

"Niles, ohh! What are you doing?" Martha was shocked." You're heating up, I think you're seeing things."

"BACK!" He shouted at no one.

By this time even Ngazetungue was confused and no longer translating. The people though seemed interested enough and they let them pass. Niles backed up slowly, his eyes on everyone before making a sprint with Martha.

"I think he meant you, you're the only savage around here afterall." Sally told Hilbert.

"If you don't zip it I'll show you how savage I can be." He scowled.

* * *

As Sherman told them a story about a patient who came in the ER, 8th 9th and 10th places were taken by the Husband and Mother-In-Law, Bully and Geek and the Cat Lady and Cat respectively. The Housekeeper and Butler were on their way in the dark night of the desert but they could see the chill zone from a far, acting as a beacon of light.

"We're close Niles, we'll be out of here soon and you will have nothing to worry about anymore. Africa will be left far behind." Martha assured.

They heard a howl followed by several. Niles stopped in his place and looked all around.

"Oh no." Niles held his breath." It's happening again. The lion is here to devour me. History repeats itself!"

"Niles!" Martha shook him." It's only a pack of wild dogs, and they're far away from us. Niles it's alright."

But Niles was delusional at the moment, he thought he could see a hungry lion coming at them in the dark.

"Run Martha, run before it eats the both of us." He mumbled.

"Run with me Niles, we can both make it." She begged.

Niles turned to run but he imagined another lion blocking his way.

"We're surrounded Martha, say your prayers, it is the end for us." He dropped to his knees.

"Niles, please stand up!" She shook him." What's gotten into you? There's nothing there!"

"May the lord have mercy on our souls." Niles shook in his spot.

* * *

Back at camp, the Doctor and Nurse were allowed to pass mainly because no one understood anything about what an ER was. Then Hilbert tried again but with no volunteering which he was reluctantly allowed.

"I think they let us go just cause they want the camp back to themselves after having to deal with all of us weirdos." Sally pondered.

"No just you." Hilbert countered.

Sherman had a strong hold on Judy's arm and didn't let her falter in her sprint. That's how they managed to end up getting to the chill zone before the others.

"11th goes to the Doctor and Nurse." Chris announced." Two teams to go."

"Exhausted huh." Sherman panted." You're lucky we didn't lose. But it's fine, you can rest. However I expect triple the effort next time, or else there will be consequences nurse."

Judy refrained from answering and sat down to catch her breath.

"Come on come on, one more team, who will it be?" Chris asked." I see someone, it's… the Clown and Mime! You get…"

"Yeah yeah, 12th, we know." Hilbert huffed.

"I wonder what happened to the other team, they were ahead." Sally wondered.

Chris went over to check and found Niles and Martha in the middle of the way not moving. Niles was chanting a prayer and Martha was standing beside him worried.

"Niles! It's Chris, we're going to be fine." She shook him.

"Uh yeah, follow me." Chris raised an eyebrow.

After getting to the chill zone, he informed them that they placed in last place. Leticia smirked.

"Looks like it's goodbye to our resident Housekeeper and Butler." Chris said.

"I detest Africa." Niles ended.

* * *

 **Elimination Montage**

* * *

"Looking back Martha, I was quite a fool." Niles said." I still do not know what had gotten into me. I was completely out of control. It was frightening, but as soon as we were out of Africa, I was lucid again."

"Ah well, it is best forgotten now." Martha sighed." We still managed to venture into some new places in the world and had an enjoyable time doing so."

"Indeed, we've learned a lot about each other as well. I am forever grateful to you Martha for standing by me and I regret not being able to keep my word." Niles said.

"You did more than you know dear Niles, it was a pleasure doing this with you." Martha thanked.

* * *

 **Team Placements**

 **1** **st** **:** Gypsies

 **2** **nd** **:** Cosplayers

 **3** **rd** **:** Half-Sisters

 **4** **th** **:** Neighbors

 **5** **th** **:** Lawyers

 **6** **th** **:** Pirate and First Mate

 **7** **th** **:** Adrenaline Junkies

 **8** **th** **:** Husband and Mother-In-Law

 **9** **th** **:** Bully and Geek

 **10** **th** **:** Cat Lady and Cat

 **11** **th** **:** Doctor and Nurse

 **12** **th** **:** Clown and Mime

 **13** **th** **:** Housekeeper and Butler (Eliminated)

* * *

 **Disclaimer:** I do not own The Flintstones.

 **Note:** No porcupines were harmed in the making of this episode. But I assure you, by the time I wrote this, more porcupines were hunted down for food in Africa, before any of you get triggered by the challenge.

So the Housekeeper and Butler sadly leave. They had a good run considering they arrived wanting to be gentlemanly and help the other teams. They were ultimately limited in terms of interest and leaving early on is for the best I think, aside from the fact that their plot was maxed out here.

Thanks for reading! Would thoroughly enjoy a review :)


	5. Chapter 5: Colombian Coffee Chase

Hello again everyone. It has been a while. The passion for writing is lacking, and the lack of response this is eliciting is not helping. It will continue to go on a slow pace unless I feel that people actually give a damn.

I got to watch the first 2 seasons of the Amazing Race in the past week, using it as a reference to get ideas or learn from. I must say, it is quite different than the Ridonculous Race. The tasks are named different and there's a major difference in focus. The Ridonculous Race focuses on character development, plot and drama, as well as some tasks while the Amazing Race focused on...taxis and transportation. It felt like the entire race was decided solely by who could make it on the best planes and who had the fastest driving taxi. Besides, it was pretty predictable how the fit young teams were doing well and the quirky teams were not faring great. I had thought that my cast was out there before, having a cat in a team, a woman in a wheelchair, and a clown, but upon seeing the contestants in the Amazing Race I am now sure of it. Oh well, the Ridonculous Race is a spoof so might as well go wild with it.

To my reviewers:

 _ **bLuewErewOlf25:**_ I myself find it hard not to just make Andy and Dirk lovebirds sometimes. Andy's cute geeky personality is fun to write and Dirk, well he's not enough of a jerk to make the team worth hating. The Pirates though, also shipping them I suppose? They have a bit of a different relationship but it's also kinda bromantic. No spoilers but there is stuff in the making for some teams still. Alexis and Troy are having hard times, can they shape up or will they break up, that rhymed too ;) I have no comments on the Gypsies... The Housekeeper and Butler were overused by now so they couldn't offer anything special anymore, it was time for them to go.

 ** _Bronzern:_** I had hoped the ending would be at least a little bit unexpected but the development for the Housekeeper and Butler throughout the chapter kind of spoiled the fact they were leaving. I still have some plot planned for some teams that have already had plot, so not all teams are a one hit wonder. Some plots may end like the rivalry but others may form after that, I want the teams to be as well-rounded as can be. This chapter may give you a different view on Troy, and do keep in mind he might have been jealous of Alexis' attention on Roscoe too... Cat Lady and Cat have been under the radar and maybe those 'stories' they told during the camp could help give them some attention. The Neighbors seem to be more occupied with getting the girls to like them than the race but they are trying hard to impress them and in that are doing well in the race. I feel like there is potential with the Lawyers, I just need to figure it out. I don't want them to be bland or predictable but also I want them to stick to who they are, and not to alter the race with the law stuff. I watched the Flintstones until a late age and the dynamics seemed perfect in the desert. I admit I am having a lot more fun with the Clown and Mime than I thought and admit that I pushed their elimination from where I had initially planned it. Trying to make the Half-Sisters different than the Phone Addicts as much as possible. You may recall in Pokerific I once had Sunflora and Avalugg both spill their backstories quickly in one scene. I did the reveals for the Cat Lady and Cat and the Gypsies for a different reason. First of all, in a normal show, you won't see 13 different backstories revealed in one episode. Much editing goes in to leave out the ones that stand the most, or to string them over several episodes. In the Pokerific I did it that way to lessen the attention those 2 contestants would receive. In this one, I picked the teams that needed it the most. We already know many things about the other teams and what little we might still need to know shall be revealed over time through their interactions. For example, we saw a little bit of information about the lives of the Pirate and First Mate prior to the race, and there will be more when further plot is underway. For a team like the Gypsies, they will be unlikely to ever reveal their life story in any other way than that, which is still for the purposes of the fic, a questionable reveal. Thank you for your attentive reading and your appraisal of the little details I throw in there to make this fic enjoyable and authentic. It is really nice to see someone appreciate the work that goes into the fic, you are a really great fan!

 **Note:** Due to name redundancy, the Cosplayer Marley will be named Marley throughout the chapter as to avoid confusion with another team member.

* * *

 **Chapter 5: Colombian Coffee Chase**

"Baaaaasemangaaamamabeetsababaaaa! That means hello in Lion King! Or not, either way, welcome back viewers. Last time the teams were dropped in the middle of the Namibian desert and left to their simple devices in foraging, hunting and mingling with the Nama tribe. Being accustomed to the sands, the Gypsies soared from last to first place. The same could not be said about the Butler and Housekeeper who's rich mansion life could not prepare them for the trials of Namibia. Twelve teams remain and we're off to another continent. Can Malcolm stay on Bertha's good side for longer than one scene and is it finally time for the Clown and Mime to leave in 12th? One way to find out, right here on the RidiChrislous Race!"

(Cue theme song)

* * *

It was late at night and the teams were exhausted, getting ready to leave the cold desert. The Gypsies stood with Chris.

"Brr, it was blistering hot in the day and now it's freezing, what the heck?" Chris shivered.

"That is because this place is untouched by the white man's industrial filth. The air is clean, the sky is clear, look, the stars are a testament to the purity of this place." Gunhilda said.

"Ah yes, I did hope we would get some time to watch the stars align. You would be surprised at the unimaginable potential the art of watching the stars has." Leticia commented.

"Sorry ladies, but there's no time for that, your plane leaves in a bit and it's a long ride. Head to the Chris cubicle behind me to find out where's your next destination." Chris apologized.

The Gypsies took out a ticket from the cubicle.

"Colombia, it will be interesting to be in somewhere tropical for a change." Leticia read.

"We must maintain our top position lest we end up like the Butler and Housekeeper." Gunhilda warned.

"Oh I would not be worried, we don't have a team like us to worry about hehe." Giggled Leticia.

They were escorted by a tourist car to the airport. The next team to read their ticket were the Cosplayers. Marley was fitted in a short pink dress with a picture of a blue daisy with yellow petals. She wore black sandals and a black bow over her blond hair. Her face was in a scowl.

"So where are we going next, Grim?" She asked in a low angry voice.

"Hold your horses while I read this." Said the robed figure in a slightly Jamaican accent.

He was tall and frail in appearance. From head to toe he was covered in a pitch black cloak with a hood, the inside of which was red. The bottom of the cloak curled upwards. His face and hands were all that were uncovered and they were bony. He was holding a long scythe in his hand and the ticket in the other.

"Oh goodie, we are going to South America." Grim said cheerfully.

"What are you so happy about?" Marley snarled.

"Death rates are very high over there. It will be like a carnival for me." Grim replied smirking.

The camera showed scenes of the tropical scenes in Colombia and of the wildlife as well as the cities.

"The place to go to for the ultimate bird watching experience, Colombia is bustling with natural life. The teams will partake in the country's top two defining aspects, bird watching and coffee farming. Who knows what other surprises might be in store for them too." Chris addressed.

The Half-Sisters, Neighbors and Lawyers all followed. The Pirate and First Mate as well were now on their way in the tourist car.

"Not much sea where we be going Carl, but that's alright, if we can make it in the desert, we can make it just about anywhere, eh matey?" Roscoe asked hopeful.

"Sure we can cap'n." Carl smiled." As long as we are focused, nothing can stop us."

Behind them, the Adrenaline Junkies were none too happy. Troy was frowning while Alexis sulked. Her anger was slowly dissipating after she took the time to digest the past events of the day. When they got to the airport, they were told only the first six teams would be boarding the first plane and the others would have to wait an hour.

"Good." Troy commented.

Alexis didn't bother arguing as she saw the Pirate and First Mate board the first plane.

* * *

 **(Team Confessionals)**

 **Half-Sisters**

 **Mandy:** Come on sis, cheer up. We came in third.

 **Maya:** I can't!

 **Mandy:** Don't tell me you're still pining for that weirdo. Look at him, he's a skeleton now, like literally.

 **Maya:** (bursts into tears)

 **Mandy:** (Sigh) I told you not to, you always do this.

* * *

 **(Team Confessionals)**

 **Gypsies**

 **Gunhilda:** I shall miss the lovely desert.

 **Leticia:** Me too sister, it was a pleasant day, but now we have business to tend to. That team with the ocean lovers is now fully focused, that was not our plan.

 **Gunhilda:** It is not over yet, the journey is long. We will have our chance to deal with them but they are a formidable foe right now. It is best not to take on such a threat yet.

 **Leticia:** I suppose today shall be a day of calm for the others.

* * *

The six first teams were all getting their rest as their plane made its trip to Colombia. The other six had just boarded the plane and it was taking off.

"Get your rest because you will have to produce 200% of your usual effort in the next leg of the race. That is the least you owe me after your dismal performance today. Got it?" Sherman scolded.

"Yes doctor. I'm sorry doctor, it won't happen again." Judy nodded.

"It better not. I despise failure. There is no room for failure in my staff." He warned.

Helen was unusually quiet as the plane took off, she had a distant look. Mr. McFluff purred from next to her.

"Mnoww we really need to win Mr. McFluff. We need it bad." She pet him." We can't go back empty handed or we'll be in big trouble."

"Mew, meowow." McFluff voiced.

"I know, you're doing just fine." She eased.

"Another day, another front row seats watching the freak show." Hilbert sighed.

"Never thought I'd hear a clown say that. How ironic." Sally scoffed.

"Then again, this will probably be the last time, seeing as 12th will be an elimination next time." He continued.

"Oh right, yeah, it was fun while it lasted. We got humiliated far less often than we usually do." Sally shrugged.

"Speak for yourself." He flipped her off.

* * *

 **(Team Confessionals)**

 **Clown and Mime**

 **Sally:** You know, we lasted all of four eliminations, I'm proud of that.

 **Hilbert:** Save your pride for our exit montage so we don't look pathetic. At least not more than we already do.

 **Sally:** I bet our exit montage will be funny, full of our best moments. Literally our entire stay here. We need a whole episode dedicated to our exit montage.

 **Hilbert:** Get real, we'll be lucky to get 15 seconds. Also, I'm gonna be so mad cause that means the cat beat us.

 **Sally:** Cat, woman in a wheelchair, a couple of middle schoolers, and about at least 3 other teams that probably have some mental problems. I'm looking at you pirates.

 **Hilbert:** God, we suck.

* * *

 **(Team Confessionals)**

 **Husband and Mother-In-Law**

 **Malcolm:** With our new agreement, I think we'll be a force to be reckoned with. I mean, even when I had to roll you around and do most of the tasks, we still did pretty decent.

 **Bertha:** Bah, I did most of the work, not you.

 **Malcolm:** Riight, so, as I was saying, I think we'll be set to be a tough team now.

* * *

Andy played a little on his Laptop with Dirk just sitting silently next to him. Andy was too engrossed in his game of Heroes 3 to notice Dirk was watching the laptop the entire time. Eventually exhaustion took over and he turned off his laptop and went to sleep. Dirk waited for a while, making sure Andy was snoozing before taking out the laptop. He was keen on observing what password Andy typed up on the login screen and typed it up, to his luck the laptop booted up. He immediately started Heroes and began a campaign of his own, getting engrossed in the game he just learned. Before he knew it, he had spent a couple of hours playing, getting better at the game. He yawned, rubbing his eyes. He saved the game and turned off the laptop, putting it back in place, before going to sleep as well. Meanwhile, Alexis and Troy were having a long conversation.

"Lexi, I need to know now from you if you will cooperate with me and play nice. I need to know that you won't act the way you've been acting these couple of days. You're not the girl I knew." Troy started.

Alexis was quiet.

"Look, I'm sorry I slapped you." He began." You were getting out of hand and I had to act."

"Troy, am I a bad person?" She asked all of a sudden.

Troy blinked at her." No baby, you're not. You're just a really determined competitor."

"I was going to punch a guy." She mumbled." With his back turned."

Troy sighed and put his arm around her.

"Do you remember the Alpine skiing competition two years ago in the winter Olympics?" He started.

She nodded.

"Remember that Irish team that got under my skin? I was so close to sticking my poker in the back of his neck and you had to knock me off my feet to stop me?" He reminisced.

She giggled a little." Yeah, and you were so mad. You chased me down the slopes yelling at me."

He laughed along with her." And remember what happened then?"

"We lost. That was the first time we lost in the Olympics." She recalled.

"That's right." He affirmed." See what I mean?"

She stared up at him for a second.

"The second we lose our cool and let the competition get in our heads, that's when we really fail." He told her.

"You're right. God what was I thinking." She put her hand on her face." I really did lose my cool all this time around him."

"At least you're realizing it now." Troy smiled." I hope this means we're back to normal?"

"We're A-OK!" She piped up.

Troy hugged her close before kissing her." Great, I hate fighting with you."

* * *

 **(Team Confessionals)**

 **Adrenaline Junkies**

 **Alexis:** Woo! Now I'm pumped up. When are we landing?

 **Troy:** (Yawns) I'm not. I can use the sleep.

 **Alexis:** I guess I can sleep too. Only for you.

 **Troy:** Well, one good thing comes out of the fights we have. The making up part.

 **Alexis:** Mhmm. (leans in for a kiss)

* * *

The first plane was landing and the six teams emerged from the plane.

"Welcome to Pereira, Colombia!" Chris addressed.

"There sister." Gunhilda pointed at a Chris cubicle.

They took out a ticket and read it.

"Head to the Ukumari Biopark for your first task." She read.

They took a cab and the rest of the teams were right behind them.

"Carol, Linda! Over here!" Jim called." Let's all carpool again."

"Sounds good to me." Carol enthusiastically agreed.

Bob and Jim both opened the front door of the cab and beckoned Carol in.

"Oh I think I'll take the front seat, I have to do some paperwork, I don't want to cramp up the back seat." Linda stepped in, winking towards Carol.

"Uh, well alright." Bob shrugged.

They poured into the back with Carol in the middle. They all silently agreed that it was a little awkward.

"So uh, girls, looks like our alliance is getting us into good spots in this race. We might just make it all the way eh?" Jim asked.

"It would be nice to be the final two teams." Carol agreed.

"It's kinda worrisome though. This isn't a very friendly country I hear." Bob said." Isn't this like one of the places known for its mafias and drug dealers and all that?"

"It is a known fact yes, but the populace is very friendly and the people are genuine nice people. If we stay away from the suspicious folk, we're sure to be okay." Linda piped up from the front.

"Oh alright, I'll trust your judgment on that Linda." Bob smiled." I bet a great lawyer like you knows all about this stuff."

Carol raised an eyebrow.

"Thank you Bob, I wouldn't say I know more than anyone else though." Linda shrugged off, attempting to turn Bob's attention away from her." In fact, Carol's handled several cases involving Colombian folk and they've mostly been the innocent party, isn't that right Carol?"

"Hm? Oh yes, that is right." She said, not really listening.

* * *

 **(Team Confessionals)**

 **Lawyers**

 **Carol:** Linda, did Bob seem interested in you or was that just me?

 **Linda:** Pssht, you're imagining things Carol, he's definitely got a thing for you.

 **Carol:** I'm not so sure about that.

 **Linda:** He was just being nice to the alliance, relax.

 **Carol:** If this blows over in my face, I am going to sue their very existence.

 **Linda:** You know, I believe that. God I hope it works out, for their sake.

* * *

The first team to arrive on location was the Gypsies. The park wasn't very crowded but it was lively with activity, being a popular tourist attraction in the city. The Gypsies could see a Chris Cubicle near the entrance to the park.

"It is a Botch or Watch and we must watch some birds." Leticia read.

"In this task, teams have to select a team member to go bird watching in the park. They must find five different types of birds out of a list in a booklet they get once they get into the park." Chris announced.

"Your vision is superior to mine sister, I propose you take on this task." Gunhilda told her.

"Then let us waste no time." Leticia said as she took a booklet from the entrance booth.

Shortly after, the Cosplayers arrived on scene.

"You should have let me reap the driver's soul for ripping us off." Grim grumbled.

"I'm not getting stranded in the middle of South America because you wanted to get scythe happy." Marley grimaced." Now quit your yapping, I see the next Chris Cubicle."

Marley got the ticket.

"Get this done Grim." She ordered.

"Why must I do the stupid task?" He complained.

"Because I said so." Marley grabbed his cloak and tugged him threateningly.

"Stinkin brat." Grim mumbled as he grabbed a booklet.

The Half-Sisters were the next team to arrive and Mandy was going to do the task because Maya was still upset.

* * *

 **(Team Confessionals)**

 **Cosplayers**

 **Ulrich:** I can't believe I'm saying this but I'd rather be here with Billy!

 **Marley:** And I'd rather be alone but we don't always get what we want.

 **Ulrich:** You are despicable.

* * *

The second plane was arriving with the six late teams.

"Quick, we can't fall back." Troy rushed to get a ticker." Ukumari Biopark, let's go!"

They got a cab and right after them were the Husband and Mother-In-Law.

"Rise and shine dweeb, get up." Dirk shook Andy awake before getting off the plane with the three trailing teams behind them.

In the cab, Sherman questioned Judy about her mental state.

"How alert do you feel? Are you going to be a hindrance today?" He asked her.

"No doctor." She affirmed.

"Good, we must move into the top six today, is that understood?" He frowned.

"Yes doctor." She nodded quickly.

All six teams were on their way to the Biopark while the other six teams were busy doing the calming task, while not so calm themselves.

"Where are all the birds? I see no birds, do you see any birds because I don't see any birds." Grim nagged.

"Keep those eye sockets sharp and that jaw shut." Marley silenced.

"All I got so far was one lousy Hummingbird." He huffed.

In a peaceful clearing, Carl was watching through the binoculars provided for the teams for birds. He had gotten lucky spotting two species so far. Roscoe kept an eye out for other teams. He could see the Neighbors and Lawyers in a spot in the park, obviously working together. Linda chatting with Jim while Carol and Bob did the bird watching together. Carol had the booklet and told Bob what to look for, when they saw them they both noted down the same birds.

"Arr matey, teams be workin' together now. This doesn't look good." Roscoe told Carl.

"Is alright cap'n, we're tough enough to beat them anyway." Carl said as he gazed upon an Andean Condor and noted it down." Got three birdies already."

"That's me matey, doing good Carl." Roscoe praised.

"Let the junkies worry about the allied teams, we don't need none of that drama, right cap'n?" Carl said.

"Righty-ho Carl." The pirate replied.

* * *

 **(Team Confessionals)**

 **Pirate and First Mate**

 **Roscoe:** Arr, ye let me know if ye see a parrot up there matey. I could use a feathered friend on me shoulder.

 **Carl:** Uhh, sure cap'n, but I'm not sure how you're gonna tame it to follow us around.

 **Roscoe:** Let your captain worry about that Carl.

* * *

 **(Team Confessionals)**

 **Neighbors**

 **Jim:** We got mighty lucky to have a great team to partner up neighbor. We're almost done with the birds already and the other teams haven't even arrived to the park.

 **Bob:** You said it neighbor, we're doing great. Now if only we could move along our love lives.

 **Jim:** Something tells me we're getting there.

 **Bob:** I hope you're right neighbor, I hope you're right.

* * *

By the time the other teams started arriving, many of the first teams were getting close to finishing.

"Hurry hurry, what's the task?" Troy asked.

"Bird watching, you wanna do this?" She asked.

"Kay, way ahead of you." Troy said, snatching a booklet.

"You don't even need to say anything Bertha, I'm going." Malcolm said seeing Bertha about to nag.

"I was about to say I would do it but since you're so eager, go ahead sonny." Bertha said.

"Even when you change, you never change." Malcolm shook his head.

"You botch, I watch." Dirk pointed at Andy's chest.

Andy sighed." Okay."

Helen was also doing the task, as well as Judy.

"My exceptional clowning skills will save the day again." Hilbert said monotonously.

"You know what. I wanna take a shot at this." Sally stepped forward.

"Oh yeah right, wait till our elimination day to step up. Nice." He rolled his eyes.

"Out with a bang." She said.

It was getting crowded and some teams had to be near each other.

"Hiss!" Helen hissed at Hilbert next to her." Your shiny colors are driving the birdies away."

"Or maybe they saw your cat and instinctively wanna stay away?" He argued.

"Meow dare you accuse Mr. McFluff?" She raged.

McFluff pawed at her foot. She looked down and then back up at what McFluff was staring at. She looked through her binoculars and saw what appeared to be a Golden-Headed Quetzal, one of the birds on the pamphlet. Hilbert all but gasped at the scene.

"Sally, this cat's a better bird watcher than you are." He turned to his teammate.

"Shut up, I'm trying to concentrate." She said as she trailed a bird.

"Done!" Called out two teams.

The Lawyers and Neighbors were both finished with this task, presenting their five species. The lady at the counter in the entrance booth gave them the tickets for the next task.

"It's an all-in, and look at our luck, the next location is near here in an open clearing just down the forest." Linda read.

"Great, let's go, maybe we can end up first and second." Bob ushered.

The two teams were now in the lead.

* * *

 **(Team Confessionals)**

 **Neighbors**

 **Jim:** Sweet! Actually in first neighbor. This alliance is the best idea we ever had.

 **Bob:** Couldn't agree with you more neighbor. We're becoming an unstoppable force now.

 **Jim:** All the way to the finale with the ladies, let's go!

* * *

 **(Team Confessionals)**

 **Cat Lady and Cat**

 **Helen:** Mreow, that task was easy. McFluff and I know a lot of birds.

 **McFluff:** (Paws at her leg)

 **Helen:** I know you're hungry. We'll catch you a bird if one of them gets close.

 **McFluff:** (Starts purring)

* * *

"Gosh this is boring." Mandy sighed." How do people do this as a hobby?"

"It could be a fun collecting hobby. I assume you used to collect dolls as a young girl?" Malcolm answered from near her.

"Eh, maybe. At least you could play with dolls." Mandy rolled her eyes." You can't play with birds."

"Anything's possible actually…" He trailed off as he watched the Pirate and First Mate.

Mandy turned to watch Roscoe with a brightly colored parrot on his shoulder.

"Arr, we hit the jackpot Carl!" Roscoe gently pet the bird's head." What should we name her?"

"How do you know it's a she?" Carl raised an eyebrow as he noted down his fourth bird." Actually, I don't wanna know."

"How about, Rosie?" Roscoe pitched." Yeah I like it."

"Roscoe and Rosie?" Carl mused." Sure why not?"

Carl then saw one more bird he had not yet seen and that was five.

"Great job matey, we be done early. Let's go." Roscoe said, running with Rosie flying after him.

"How in the… I want a parrot pet." Mandy commented.

"Ohh you just missed it." Malcolm said as he noted down a bird." I just saw a yellow-eared parrot fly by, and what luck, it's on the booklet."

"Where!?" She looked all around but couldn't find it.

Malcolm shrugged." Must have flown away."

* * *

 **(Team Confessionals)**

 **Half-Sisters**

 **Mandy:** Those pirates are full of surprises.

 **Maya:** Uhuh.

 **Mandy:** How did that parrot follow them around anyway? That's crazy.

 **Maya:** (Shrugs)

 **Mandy:** You could use a parrot now wouldn't you?

 **Maya:** Eh.

 **Mandy:** UHH! Cheer up already!

* * *

 **(Team Confessionals)**

 **Pirate and First Mate**

 **Roscoe:** It be good fortune that I had me extra salty, extra crunchy crackers from New Zealand. These parrots go crazy for that stuff.

 **Carl:** I'm impressed cap'n. You actually got it to follow you around.

 **Roscoe:** A true pirate captain should have the wits and the tools of the trade to fit the part. Rosie here is my pride and achievement.

* * *

While Andy was watching for birds, Dirk had grabbed his laptop and made off somewhere private to continue his gaming without being noticed until Marley stepped up to him.

"What are you doing, dweeb?" She crossed her arms.

Dirk looked up, miffed that someone was talking to him like that.

"Buzz off girly." He spat.

"Listen bonehead, I want to propose an alliance." She said.

"Alliance? I don't care about no alliance, and definitely not with a couple of weirdos like you and that other freak." He refused.

"You will join in an alliance with me and you will be in my service." She narrowed her eyes.

"Oh yeah?" He got up." And who's gonna make me?"

"The geek doesn't know you're using the laptop. He'll be terribly upset if he did." She stated.

Dirk blinked." So what, I'll beat him to a pulp if he tries to say something."

"Unless he finds out you broke his laptop." She said as she put her foot on the top of the laptop ready to step on it.

Dirk's eyes widened." HEY!"

"Take one step and the laptop is crushed." She threatened.

"I aint scared to hit a girl!" Dirk dared.

Marley put some force on her foot, stopping Dirk in his spot.

"Stop that!" He said, slightly backing off.

"Do we have a deal?" She asked sternly.

"What do we get out of it? We aint your slaves." He scowled.

"Alliances go both ways, stupid." Marley mocked.

"Whatever, fine. Take your foot off." He quickly agreed.

Marley slowly took her foot of the laptop.

"Good, stand by for my orders." She walked off.

Dirk glared at her angrily. He inspected the laptop, dusting off the shoe marks and making sure no cracks were made.

* * *

 **(Team Confessionals)**

 **Cosplayers**

 **Ulrich:** And just where did you wander off?

 **Marley:** I had some business to attend to.

 **Ulrich:** What poor souls were you tormenting this time?

 **Marley:** Yours if you don't hurry up. We already got beat by the pirates, what are you still wasting time on?

 **Ulrich:** I don't see any birds no more. It's like they're scared or something.

 **Marley:** You're a walking scarecrow, no wonder they're scared of you.

 **Ulrich:** That is why you were supposed to do this task.

* * *

 **(Team Confessionals)**

 **Bully and Geek**

 **Andy:** What were you doing while I was doing the task? I didn't see you from where I was looking.

 **Dirk:** Nothing dork.

 **Andy:** Did you see those pirates? They got a parrot! And oh my gosh, it's Grim and Mandy from the Grim Adventures of Billy and Mandy! The Cosplayers are awesome!

 **Dirk:** NO THEY ARE NOT. SHUT UP STUPID!

 **Andy:** (Cowers) S-s-sorry! What did I say?

* * *

 **(Team Confessionals)**

 **Husband and Mother-In-Law**

 **Bertha:** That was fast, even for you. What'd you do to get us ahead of the others?

 **Malcolm:** Oh yes Bertha, we made a lot of time up. Lucky for us I built that birdhouse in our backyard and it turned into a pastime for me to take care of the birds that nest there.

 **Bertha:** Well what do you know, guess there's more to you than I gave you credit for.

 **Malcolm:** Why thank you Bertha, it's nice to get some appreci…

 **Bertha:** More stuff for me to rag on you. Instead of wasting your time on birdhouse building, make something nice for my daughter you lazy lug.

 **Malcolm:** … I don't know what I was expecting.

* * *

With the Husband and Mother-In-Law finishing up, the other teams were trying to hurry, especially the ones from the first plane.

"Get moving Grim!" Marley frowned at the skeleton taking too long.

"Aha, the final bird required." Leticia noted." We are through sister."

The Gypsies moved ahead as well. Sherman tapped his feet angrily as Judy desperately tried to complete the task.

"It would be very unfortunate for you if you do not finish within the next three teams, nurse." He crossed his arms.

"Y-yes doctor." She shivered.

"Finally!" Troy yelled as he and Alexis were through to the next stage putting them in sixth at the moment.

"Mreow not long now Mr. McFluff." Helen said, nearing the end of her task as well.

"I think this bird is gonna be my fifth." Sally commented as she spotted a bird flying low.

Just as she was about to check the booklet, McFluff jumped up, grabbed the bird and sank its teeth into it. Sally gaped in horror.

"YOU STUPID CAT!" She yelled.

"Mreow don't call him stupid!" Helen snapped.

"Your STUPID cat ate the bird. This is a park you know, they're supposed to be protected." Sally argued.

"Myehh, there's plenty to go around." Helen brushed off.

* * *

 **(Team Confessionals)**

 **Clown and Mime**

 **Sally:** That stupid cat cost me a bird. I was sure I hadn't noted that species yet and now I won't know what it was.

 **Hilbert:** Maybe it was intentional. Maybe the cat was sabotaging the competition.

 **Sally:** (Glares at him) Don't be stupid. We're not any competition to anyone.

* * *

 **(Team Confessionals)**

 **Cat Lady and Cat**

 **McFluff:** (Hurls hairball)

 **Helen:** Bless you.

 **McFluff:** Meoweow.

 **Helen:** Did you enjoy that birdie?

 **McFluff:** Meow.

 **Helen:** Good job snatching it before that team got to see it.

 **McFluff:** (Starts purring) Meow.

* * *

 **(Team Confessionals)**

 **Doctor and Nurse**

 **Sherman:** You are forcing me to resort to measures that I wanted to hold off on nurse. I did not want it to come down to this but you give me no choice.

 **Judy:** W-what are you going to do?

 **Sherman:** (Slaps her face) Did I say you could talk!?

 **Judy:** (Hides her face, tears slowly streaming) No doctor.

 **Sherman:** Bring us out of the bottom and maybe just maybe I will consider being merciful.

* * *

Over on the next task's location, the Lawyers and Neighbors had just arrived. It was an open field with slight vegetation and beyond it were the thickets of the jungle. Linda grabbed a ticket from the cubicle.

"It's an All-In and our task is to harvest ripe pink coffee cherries to fill one basket." She read.

"Coffee cherries?" Bob laughed." There are coffee-flavored cherries?"

Carol giggled. Jim faceplamed.

"Bob, that's how you get coffee. They grow as cherries and then it's a process of extracting the beans from them." Linda explained.

"…Oh." Bob blushed.

There was a moment of silence.

"Okay!" Jim clapped his hands." So, like last time, let's help each other harvesting so we can be done faster."

"Great, you take the left row of bushes and we take the right one." Linda organized.

Before them were several rows of coffee plant bushes in various stages of fruition. Jim dragged Bob with him at a distance from the Lawyers.

"What the heck was that neighbor?" Jim scolded." We can't look like idiots in front of the girls."

"How was I supposed to know coffee starts out as cherries!?" Bob excused.

"Carol giggled, let's hope it's a sign of her finding it endearing." Jim said.

"It's not like it's such general knowledge. They'll understand that." Bob shrugged.

"This does raise an issue neighbor." Jim said as he plucked cherries with Bob." Those ladies are educated and cultured. Are we up to their league? I mean, what can we offer?"

"Well one thing we can offer them is a portion of the prize money once we win this." Bob chuckled.

"I'm serious neighbor." Jim scrunched up his eyebrows." We can't be mediocre dates."

"I think we need to pick up an art or instrument neighbor." Bob pitched.

"That's a start." Jim rubbed his chin, holding the basket for Bob." I've always wanted to try the Cello."

"Follow your dreams neighbor! Go get yourself a Cello!" Bob encouraged.

"I might just do that neighbor." Jim smiled.

After filling half their basket, the Pirate and First Mate arrived to the location.

"Blimey, more scouring for treasure. We own this Carl." Roscoe read the ticket.

"Yeah, let's grab first place from those two teams!" Carl rushed to grab a basket.

* * *

 **(Team Confessionals)**

 **Neighbors**

 **Jim:** There's not much we can do to help the ladies in this task other than go over there and pick cherries with them if we happen to finish before them.

 **Bob:** We could also slow down other teams.

 **Jim:** Nah they're lawyers, they won't like us if we resort to foul play.

 **Bob:** You're right neighbor. Helping it is then.

* * *

 **(Team Confessionals)**

 **Lawyers**

 **Linda:** Now wasn't that just adorable?

 **Carol:** No.

 **Linda:** Carol Lutz are you blushing!?

 **Carol:** Don't be ridiculous. It is merely the South American heat.

 **Linda:** More like the southpaw heat. (giggles)

 **Carol:** Linda! I will slap you.

* * *

"I guess that's all of them." Andy tucked away the binoculars." Dirk!"

No reply came and he looked around but couldn't find him.

"Dirk?" he started walking around.

Dirk was in a world of his own, playing on Andy's laptop.

"Dirk! I finished watching birds." Andy called out, getting closer to Dirk's hiding spot.

Dirk vaguely heard his name being called out. He snapped to reality when he realized it was Andy. He quickly saved his progress and closed the laptop. He stood up just in time to see Andy approaching him.

"Uhh, what are you doing with my laptop?" He questioned.

"I uhh, I was sleeping, using it as a pillow." He covered." Got a problem with that dork?"

Andy started to protest, huffing and then stomping wordlessly, frustration evident on his face.

"Your stupid laptop is fine." Dirk rolled his eyes, slightly regretting this exchange." Let's just go already."

The delay caused the Half-Sisters who were done next to pass them to the next location, leaving the Bully and Geek currently in 8th. Of the four remaining teams doing the first task, the Doctor and Nurse were the next to finish, much to Judy's relief.

"Finished!" Yelled Sally, but frowned as she noticed Helen and her cat were already handing in their booklet to the entrance booth meaning they beat them.

"Second to last in the first task. Shocking." Hilbert commented, not even angry anymore.

Marley growled. She stomped to Grim.

"Hurry up you sack of bones. We're the last team here and we were one of the first to arrive." She seethed.

"Not my problem the birds are damn scarce." He grumbled.

"You're just useless." She spat.

"If I'm a scarecrow, you're Frankenstein's monster." Grim retorted." Oh! There it is, I see it, a new species. We are out of here!"

All the teams were done with the first task by now, and some were getting close to completing part two.

* * *

 **(Team Confessionals)**

 **Bully and Geek**

 **Andy:** Please don't do that again. All my games and files are on this laptop. If it broke I'd be set back so much and have to do everything from the start for a lot of games, and I don't have all my songs and folders backed up and…

 **Dirk:** Alright alright just shut up. Man, once you get going you keep yapping without stopping.

 **Andy:** I just really love my laptop. I don't know what I would do if something happened to it.

 **Dirk:** Sap.

* * *

Three more teams arrived to the second task, the Husband and Mother-In-Law, the Gypsies, and the Adrenaline Junkies. At the same time, the Neighbors were done picking cherries. Their basket was full with random coffee cherries both green and red. Before they could move on, they ran to the Lawyers to help them. They saw that the girls were almost done as well.

"Chris sure loves his gardening challenges." Malcolm sighed as he plucked only the res cherries to put in the basket that Bertha was holding.

"Don't act like you're not enjoying it. You love this mundane stuff." Bertha bluntly said.

"What, I like action-packed challenges too." He stumbled." But yes, these are nicer because I don't have to worry about you ending up dead on me from some heart attack."

Bertha grabbed her purse and hit Malcolm with it.

"You think I'm going to die and leave you to mistreat my daughter? Not when I'm still kicking." She said.

"Did your husband keep you in a dungeon or something?" Malcolm rubbed his arm." Cause you have some domestic abuse issues."

The Pirate and First Mate were making fast progress as well as the Gypsies. Soon enough more teams arrived including the Half-Sisters, the Bully and Geek, and the Doctor and Nurse.

"Who knew coffee was made of cherries." Mandy mused." Next time we go to Starbucks, we can say we're drinking healthy eh?"

"I guess so." Maya shrugged.

"Okay, time out." Mandy stopped in her place." If you're gonna be miserable in this race, let's just quit and stop."

"Oh my gosh, just let me sulk!" Maya raised her voice.

"No!" Mandy returned." Sulking is for losers. You can be a loser as long as you want back home but I'm not letting you drag me down with you here."

"UHH! You're such a bitch!" Maya slammed her foot down.

Which was a mistake. A thorny spike from the bush cut her leg.

"AHHHH!" She screeched and dropped to the ground clutching her leg.

"MAYA!" Mandy dropped to her side.

The other teams noticed the commotion but few of them stopped to help or make sure they were okay.

"Doctor, shouldn't we help them?" Judy paused her picking.

Sherman glared at her angrily.

"Doctor..?" She turned to him while trying to avoid eye contact.

His frown turned to a mysterious smile.

"You are right, I'll assist them." He said as he grabbed his first aid bag.

They walked over to the Half-Sisters.

"What happened here?" Sherman asked.

"She was stupid and cut her leg." Mandy said.

"Mandy!" Maya huffed." Ow!"

"Allow me to take a look." Sherman examined the wound." Needs a disinfectant."

He took a flask from the bag and a syringe, filling it. Maya watched on nervously. Sally was ordered to keep picking but kept glancing back and forth to make sure they were alright. She made a double take as she noticed what she thought was the pyretic fluid being taken out. Why was doctor Sherman using medicine that induces a burning sensation? Sherman injected the fluid near the wound, bandaged it and packed his bag.

"Should feel a little burn soon but you'll be better by the end of the day." Sherman said.

"Thanks doctor." Maya thanked.

When Sherman went back to Judy, she couldn't muster the courage to ask about the pyretic medicine.

* * *

 **(Team Confessionals)**

 **Half-Sisters**

 **Mandy:** Clutz.

 **Maya:** This is your fault!

 **Mandy:** How is it my fault!?

 **Maya:** I don't know, it just is.

 **Mandy:** (Smirks) Welcome back sis.

* * *

The Neighbors helped the Lawyers be done with the task and off they both were to the next Chris Cubicle a little into the forest. They saw a couple of humble Colombian peasants waiting for them near the cubicle. They handed the baskets of cherries to them. Linda drew out a ticket to read.

"These Colombian people will box your cherries. You need to take them to the final location somewhere through these woods and present them at the Chill Zone." She read." There's a warning down here, beware, mafia presence detected in the area."

"That does not sound settling." Bob commented.

"Then we must move as quickly as possible and stick together." Carol ushered.

They stepped behind the couple of peasants as they boxed their cherries and handed them to them.

" _Ladrones!_ " Came a heavy Spanish accent." Thieves!"

The two teams turned around to see a group of dangerous looking men approaching the old couple. One of them faced the couple. He seemed to be their leader. He spoke something in Spanish to the couple and they argued with him, looking terrified. He then turned to the two teams.

"You, Americanos want to steal my coffee?" He asked angry.

"No no no sir, you got this all wrong!" Argued Jim." We're in a race and.."

"No one steals from, _las lenguas de la víbora!_ " The leader said as he slit the throat of the woman, followed by one of his goons stabbing the old man.

Mortified, the two teams bolted into the forest together running as fast as they could, hearing the gang in the distance.

* * *

 **(Team Confessionals)**

 **Lawyers**

 **Linda:** Curse Chris and his law breaking. His mistake is going to get us killed at the hands of a Colombian mafia.

 **Carol:** And now I'll never get to be with Bob.

 **Linda:** You sure have your priorities straight.

 **Carol:** If we make it out of this alive, Chris is going to have the entire force of our law firm making sure he gets a life sentence.

* * *

The last three teams arrived on to the next task and hurried to catch up while the Gypsies were just finished collecting a basket full of ripe red cherries. They made their way to the Chris Cubicle and saw the same old couple, as if they were never killed. After greeting them and getting their ticket, they heard the same word uttered.

" _Ladrones!_ " Said the same voice.

The gang members again killed the old couple and the Gypsies were forced to flee into the woods before getting chased. Back at the coffee harvest, it was getting crowded and some teams had to compete for the bushes.

"We were here first!" Dirk stood as the Clown and Mime wanted their row bushes.

"Yeah well we were born first so, respect your elders kid." Hilbert persisted.

"It's not our fault you always come in last." Andy turned his back to them as he continued picking up cherries.

"Heh." Dirk smirked, pleasantly surprised at Andy's savagery." What the geek said."

Marley then stepped up, pushed Hilbert out of the way and grabbed Dirk by the scruff.

"We'll be taking this row, right ally?" She narrowed her eyes at him.

Dirk scowled at her." Buzz off!"

"I know how to get the laptop and I'm not afraid to wreck it. You'll be blamed, not me." She threatened in his ear.

Dirk shook with anger." FINE!"

He dragged Andy by the arm roughly, relenting the spot to the Cosplayers.

"Dirk, we need that spot!" Andy attempted.

"Shut up." He refused, as he took him to a couple of trees that have already been scoured by the Gypsies, leaving fewer cherries to pick, mostly green ones.

"Thank you for getting the spot for us. You guys are alright." Hilbert grabbed a basket as he went to pick the cherries from the trees that Marley hogged from the Bully and Geek.

"Who said we got them for you?" She glared.

"Hey!" Hilbert nagged.

"Maybe we should back up dude, that skeleton guy has a really sharp looking scythe." Sally got close to whisper in Hilbert's ear.

Grim was staring at them menacingly. Hilbert mumbled something.

"I hate this race." He said as he too had to move out of the spot.

Meanwhile, the Pirate and First Mate were done and were faced with the same scenario as the first three teams.

"No one steals from, _las lenguas de la víbora!_ " Said the gang leader as they killed the old couple for the third time.

"Get sharp Carl, sword out, it be a bloody fight to the death!" Roscoe warned as he took a stance and unsheathed his sword.

"Not today Roscoe, I wasn't hired to watch you die." Carl said, dragging Roscoe by the arm into the forest.

* * *

 **(Team Confessionals)**

 **Pirate and First Mate**

 **Roscoe:** Hired? I don't pay ye Carl, though I suppose I ought to.

 **Carl:** (Stumbles on his words) Uh, I, it was um, the heat of the moment. You know what I meant, hehe.

 **Roscoe:** You need to be braver Carl. So what if a coffee smuggling mafia was out to kill us? A Pirate is never afraid.

 **Carl:** I guess I'll work on that.

* * *

 **(Team Confessionals)**

 **Bully and Geek**

 **Andy:** I didn't know someone could intimidate you, wow.

 **Dirk:** You don't know nothing.

 **Andy:** Weren't they cool though? How authentic did they look!? Mandy was spot on!

 **Dirk:** (Smacks the back of Andy's head) Idiot.

 **Andy:** Oof!

* * *

As the Husband and Mother-In-Law finished and also got chased through the forest, the other teams made slow progress due to the dwindling supply of cherries.

"Ooh, my leg is on fire." Maya kept scratching her leg near her cut.

"You should stop scratching, don't you know that only makes it worse?" Mandy berated.

"What if…what if I caught some tropical disease? Oh God, I'm going to die in Colombia!" Her sister worried.

"A doctor checked on it immediately. He said you would be fine, eventually." Mandy rolled her eyes.

"But it hurts." Maya complained.

"This day is going on forever!" Mandy stretched the last word in exasperation.

"Done!" Alexis shouted as Troy and her moved on.

When they were faced with the gang, Troy and Alexis were more thrilled than scared.

"Sweet, we can take off a murder chase off our thrill bucket list!" Alexis cheered as they ran from the armed gang.

"God I love you!" Troy panted.

They kept running till they crashed into someone. The Pirate and First Mate. They were about to speak when Carl shushed them, they all bent down to hide in the bushes. The gang passed them. Alexis looked over to the other team and Roscoe looked back. Unspoken tension between them. She finally extended her arm.

"Truce?" She offered.

Roscoe smiled." Truce."

"Great, let's see how we can get out of here safely." Troy said as they got up.

They noticed there were flags with arrows on them, as if leading them to the chill zone. They quickly followed them. The Neighbors and Lawyers meanwhile were exhausted, having run around in circles from the gang. They sat down for a breather.

"Guys, I'm sure these arrows will lead us to Chris." Jim said.

"And get the gang there to kill our only way off?" Carol argued.

"Either that or we end up dying alone." Bob said.

"I say we give it a shot. Safety in numbers afterall." Linda suggested.

"Where do you think you're going Americanos!?" Came the voice of one of the thugs.

"Run!" Bob yelled as they dashed following the arrows.

They kept going till they emerged from the woods and found Chris waiting near the chill zone. They quickly ran over to him.

"Chris, they're coming! The mafia is coming." Jim said.

"Nah, they won't leave the forest." Chris calmly replied.

"How do you know?" Linda asked.

"Because I told them not to." Chris simply said.

"What!?" Carol blinked.

"You guys aren't used to this are you? That was part of the race. They were hired actors." Chris revealed.

"But, the old couple, they killed them." Jim reminded.

"Yes they did, five times so far actually. Six now that the Doctor and Nurse are done coffee harvesting." Chris said, getting updated through his ear piece.

The two teams took a moment to digest the information.

"So does this mean we're done with this leg of the race? Are we first and second?" Bob asked.

"You are done, but rankings are yet to be determined." Chris answered." There are a few things on the way to the chill zone that could have gotten you a time penalty so we'll probably be ending with a lot of those for many of the teams."

"Oh no, are we going to lose our first two spots?" Linda asked.

"First, I need to check your cherries." Chris said." As the task required that teams deliver the cherries they picked here."

Both teams handed in their containers. Chris inspected both of them.

"Lawyers, you managed to fill in mostly red cherries but still have a few green ones which are not ripe, and you may recall that the task asked to pick only red ripe cherries." Chris addressed." You will get a five minute penalty."

"I suppose five minutes is not too long." Linda sighed.

"Neighbors, your container has a lot more unripe cherries so that will cost you more time. You guys will get a ten minute penalty." Chris informed.

"We didn't pay attention to that task honestly, we just picked random cherries as fast as possible." Jim admitted.

"So now unless other teams arrive before you with no penalties, the Lawyers should be in first and the Neighbors in second." Chris informed." This automatically means that the Lawyers will not possibly be in last and are safe."

"Fantastic job ladies." Jim congratulated them.

"You too boys." Carol returned.

* * *

 **(Team Confessionals)**

 **Lawyers**

 **Carol:** We had little difficulty in this leg. All things considered, it was a short one.

 **Linda:** Short but frightening nevertheless. We were lucky that this was all part of Chris' plan.

 **Carol:** I'd say he was the lucky one. Now we can't hold him accountable for anything. That man really knows how to weasel his way out of the hand of justice.

 **Linda:** We'll get him one day Carol, you'll see. He's bound to fumble.

* * *

"Chop through them Grim. Hurry." Marley commanded.

"My pleasure." He said in a sinister tone.

He raised his scythe and sliced through them, streaking his cloak red while laughing maniacally.

"Finished!" He said as he held up the basket full of sliced cherries.

They moved on to the old couple, leaving only the Half-Sisters, Bully and Geek, Cat Lady and Cat, and Clown and Mime struggling to catch up. When the mafia appeared and killed the old couple, there was a glint of suspicion in Grim's eyes.

"Hey just a minute now, by my schedule, those two are not ready to die yet." Grim took out a heavy book and sifted through the pages." Pablo, that must be the old man, is meant to die around this time next month and the Mrs. here won't be dying until two years from now."

The old man suddenly lifted from his pretend death." _Que_!? Next month?"

"Get them!" The gang leader ordered." His bones are mine!"

Grim paled even more than his already white face could and ran screaming. Marley facepalmed.

"Idiot." She muttered.

In rapid succession, the Cat Lady and Cat, Bully and Geek, and Clown and Mime were done after another. Helen hissed and her hair stood as she backed away from the men. Andy's eyes widened and Dirk peed his pants at seeing the old couple killed. Hilbert and Sally ran screaming in one straight line into the woods. Back at the coffee harvest, one team remained and they were going slow because Maya's leg hurt her more exponentially as time passed.

"We're in last sis, we have to move!" Mandy urged.

"I can't bare to stand anymore." Maya sat down slowly.

"Ugh, wait here then. I'll do it." Mandy huffed.

"Did you hear screaming by the way? I thought I did." Maya asked.

"I don't know, and I don't care. We gotta catch up." Mandy ignored.

* * *

 **(Team Confessionals)**

 **Cat Lady and Cat**

 **Helen:** See the evil of humans? Meow they all hurt each other because of greed.

 **McFluff:** Mreew.

 **Helen:** It was a mistake coming on this show.

 **McFluff:** Meow. (Pats her thigh)

 **Helen:** Meo I know, we need it but it is not worth this.

* * *

The Gypsies got cornered by a couple of thugs.

"You're dead _grasa_ women." One of them said.

"You have chosen the wrong women to harass and now you shall suffer the consequences." Gunhilda spoke ominously.

She began chanting something as her voice got deeper and louder. The thugs got unnerved as they felt it darken around them. Gunhilda ended her chant with a clap and a cloud of dust formed, blinding the thugs. They coughed and when the dust settled, the Gypsies were nowhere to be seen. When they turned around, they heard hisses and found several snakes were slithering near their feet. They shouted and jumped away, barley avoiding getting bitten by one of the rattlesnakes. Meanwhile, the Pirate and First Mate and the Adrenaline Junkies were facing a similar confrontation. The three thugs on their tail were not relenting.

"Let me at them Carl, I will cut them down to size!" Roscoe struggled.

Carl ignored him as the two teams kept running. They eventually found their way out of the forest and into the chill zone. Chris explained the circumstances to them.

"Arr, it be a good thing Carl wouldn't let me fight them scoundrels then." Roscoe admitted.

"So what's the rankings?" Troy asked.

With the Lawyers still needing two minutes and the Neighbors needing seven, anyone could be getting first place.

"Same as the Neighbors, your basket has many unripe berries Adrenaline Junkies, ten minutes, putting the Neighbors in safety." Chris announced.

"Great news Neighbor, we're safe!" Bob cheered.

"Pirate and First Mate, you didn't violate any of the challenge rules." Chris began.

"Am I hearing correct Carl? Are we in first?" Roscoe asked excitedly.

"However, you did take out your sword which I have stated to be against the rules. You will get a 30 minute penalty." Chris told.

"Bloody hell, 30?" Carl whined.

"This means that the Adrenaline Junkies are safe as well." Chris told.

"Good luck guys." Troy wished.

* * *

 **(Team Confessionals)**

 **Adrenaline Junkies**

 **Alexis:** Oh my gosh! We actually ranked higher than them. Not gonna get crazy about them like before but babe, we beat them!

 **Troy:** We did huh. I would hate for them to be eliminated because they tried to protect themselves though.

 **Alexis:** Same. I want them here because they're tough and inspire me to be tough too.

* * *

Before the Lawyers' time was up, a team came running into the chill zone. It was…the Clown and Mime.

"HELP! A clown is under attack as usual!" Hilbert panted.

"Relax." Chris said as he explained the deal." And you know what? You guys held on to your cherries, you plucked ripe ones, you basically followed all the rules. You know what that means? YOU GUYS ARE IN FIRST PLACE!"

"Come again." Sally blinked.

"You guys won this leg of the race." Chris repeated.

"Us?" She continued." Are you sure we're not in 12th?"

"Pretty sure." Chris grinned.

"Yahoooo!" Hilbert jumped with joy." We're not eliminated!"

"And Lawyers, your penalty is up, you get second place!" Chris told.

"That is great news." Linda brightened.

Another team was emerging from the overgrowth and it was the Gypsies. Chris caught them up to speed.

"I suspected this was some form of treachery on your part." Gunhilda nodded.

"Full box, check, red cherries, check. No violations, check." Chris recorded." Gypsies, welcome to third place!"

"Good job sister, we maintained our top three position." Leticia praised.

* * *

 **(Team Confessionals)**

 **Clown and Mime**

 **Hilbert:** (Teary eyed) The curse has been lifted.

 **Sally:** First place feels better than watching you get kicked in the balls by a little kid.

 **Hilbert:** Looks like the more we believe that we're gonna lose, the better we do, so yeah we're totally gonna lose the next leg.

 **Sally:** Oh yeah we're totally in 11th place next time.

* * *

The Half-Sisters finished the coffee harvesting and were met with the gang. They shrieked when they saw the 'murder'.

"Oh God, this day is the worst!" Mandy ran, pulling Maya with her who was limping.

Helen and McFluff got caught by one of the thugs. Helen threw her box of cherries at his face and ran out of his grasp, directly into the chill zone.

"Cat Lady and Cat, you made it." Chris greeted and relayed the news." Let's see if you get a penalty. Oh what's this? No box? And I was told Mr. McFluff ate a bird in the park? That's a serious offense. So that's 20 minutes for the failed task and 20 minutes for the species endangerment. You're now in last place with a 40 minute penalty."

"Meoh no!" Helen whined.

"Oh yes! Not so hot now are you, cat!" Sally taunted them.

"Neighbors, congratulations, your penalty is up, you may claim the 4th spot." Chris addressed.

"Ey, cool." Bob nodded.

"Not bad at all if I do say so myself neighbor." Jim added.

When the Doctor and Nurse got faced with a couple of gang members, Sherman took out a syringe and threatened them with it.

"This here contains enough acid to burn your blood into vapor. Just try and come close to us." He threatened.

The thugs looked frightened and scampered away. The Doctor and Nurse emerged from the path to the chill zone.

"Just one second please, Adrenaline Junkies, your penalty is up, you're in 5th place." Chris told them.

"Meh, at least we're somewhat ahead." Alexis shrugged.

"Now, Doctor and Nurse, let's see those cherries." Chris turned to the other team.

They had only red ones so they got no penalty.

"Well then, you get 6th place, congratulations." Chris informed them.

"Passable at best. At least you had a hand in bringing us out of the bottom and putting us in the top 6 like I asked. You are spared for now nurse." Sherman spoke dryly.

Judy sighed in relief. Helen was worried because her penalty time was still long and the other teams were getting here quickly.

* * *

 **(Team Confessionals)**

 **Cat Lady and Cat**

 **Helen:** This could be the end Mr. McFluff.

 **McFluff:** Mreow meow.

 **Helen:** Neoo, I'm not mad at you for eating that bird. You know I would never be mad at you.

 **McFluff:** (Purrs)

* * *

Malcolm and Bertha were hidden for a while until the commotion around them settled before Malcolm rolled Bertha out of there. They emerged into the open to see the chill zone.

"Ah finally, salvation." Malcolm breathed.

Chris gave them the rundown.

"Oh hehe, we gave the thugs the box so they wouldn't kill us." Malcolm laughed nervously.

"That's 20 minutes which puts you second to last as the Pirate and First Mate still have 12 minutes to go and the Cat Lady and Cat have 29." Chris relayed.

"At least that means we're guaranteed to stay. That's awesome." Malcolm brightened.

"Bah, I told you we should have kept it." Bertha argued.

"No you didn't." He refuted.

"Yes I did." She argued.

"Here we go again." Jim whispered to Bob.

Only three teams remained lost in the forest, avoiding the mafia. The Half-Sisters, the Cosplayers and the Bully and Geek.

"Mandy, something is not right here." Grim whispered." Those guys did not kill the old peasants."

"Wake up Grim, it's all fake." Marley rolled her eyes." Just follow the arrows and we'll be out of this stupid forest."

They followed the arrows out of the thicket just as the Pirate and First Mate had 4 minutes remaining.

"Yo Cosplayers, welcome back." Chris addressed." You'd be shocked to know that…"

"This was all a fake setup for the challenge." Marley replied.

Chris blinked a few times." Yes, yes it was."

He opened their box of cherries and noticed how most were chopped.

"The cherries should have come intact so you guys get a 10 minute penalty, placing you just before the Husband and Mother-In-Law." Chris told.

"You had to go scythe happy." Marley frowned.

"What!? But you told me to!" Grim argued.

* * *

 **(Team Confessionals)**

 **Gypsies**

 **Gunhilda:** Sister, this is urgent. My toes are tingling.

 **Leticia:** Ooh do tell. I am eager for this next epiphany.

 **Gunhilda:** There is a sinister cloud hovering over one of the other teams here.

 **Leticia:** You mean there is evil that lurks?

 **Gunhilda:** All I am certain of is that at least one other team will amass greater resentment and resort to more diabolical deeds to get ahead in this game than we will.

 **Leticia:** Hm, this is quite the discovery. Have you any idea which team it is?

 **Gunhilda:** That much is unclear. We must be vigilant. Though this does open up an opportunity for us to avoid the unwanted attention don't you think? We must try to expose the team and win favors with the others.

 **Leticia:** Your thought process is impressive sister, the teams will surely be more susceptible to our mind games if they were thankful to us for saving them.

 **Gunhilda:** Oh yes indeed hehehe.

* * *

Two teams have yet to emerge from the forest and the Pirate and First Mate had just been allowed to be declared safe and in 7th place. The Bully and Geek were scared to death in the forest, trying desperately to find the way out. As they saw the thugs approaching them, they hid behind a couple of trees and waited silently, shaking. They could hear the footsteps of the assailants closing in on them.

"I'm scared! They're going to kill us." Andy sobbed.

Dirk didn't want to sound like a wimp but he was just as scared as Andy was. As the thugs seemed to be right behind the trees, Andy clung to Dirk in a tight hug. Suddenly a loud shriek that sounded like Maya came from somewhere close by pulled the gang members away. Dirk looked out behind the tree and shook Andy.

"Hurry, they're gone." He told him as they separated and ran.

The sound that came from Maya was her no longer tolerating the burning in her leg.

"SHH! Are you trying to get us found?" Mandy silenced her.

"What did that doctor do to me!?" Maya cried.

" _Aqui, Aqui._ " Came a brutish voice." Over here!"

"Oh God they're coming." Mandy picked up speed." Please just hold it together."

One of the men emerged in front of them. Mandy involuntarily shrieked and threw the box of cherries at him, distracting him enough to pass him with Maya. The thicket cleared and they found the chill zone. They sighed a breath of relief as they went to it.

"Oh my God yes!" Mandy breathed.

"Girls, you made it." Chris welcomed." Let's see your standings."

"Huh?" Maya asked.

"Long story." Chris brushed." So where are the cherries?"

"Who cares? There's a savage gang on our tail." Mandy yelled.

Chris sighed as he explained it for the 11th time.

"Oh, we had to throw it at one of them to escape." Mandy revealed.

"That's 20 minutes girls." Chris shook his head." Which puts you in… last place, just behind the Cat Lady and Cat who now have to wait 17 minutes."

"Mreow, phew." Helen breathed.

"Drat, so are we out" Mandy was on the verge of tears.

"Not yet. There is one more team in there." Chris revealed.

"Yes yes yes!" Maya jumped up." OW!"

"Chris, are you sure those boys are alright? They are the youngest two here all alone in the forests of Colombia, thinking there's a gang of coffee smugglers hunting them down." Linda asked.

"They're just fine." Chris brushed off." Believe it or not, those guys are actually really stand-up guys. They wouldn't hurt anyone."

"Why am I skeptic of that?" Carol narrowed her eyes at him.

* * *

 **(Team Confessionals)**

 **Cosplayers**

 **Marley:** Our alliance better show up fast. I don't like having losers as allies.

 **Ulrich:** You made an alliance without telling me? Why am I always left out?

 **Marley:** Because you blabber about it Grim.

 **Ulrich:** So what did you do to convince them?

 **Marley:** I have my ways.

* * *

 **(Team Confessionals)**

 **Doctor and Nurse**

 **Judy:** (Whispers) Doctor Sherman is using the restroom so I snuck in to vent off about something. I think that he did something to that poor girl who cut her leg. I can see that her entire leg is as red as a tomato. I was right, I did see him take out the pyretic. Why would he do that? That's not what you use to treat a cut. It doesn't damage it but it does hurt like hell. I don't dare ask him though or he'll have my head for questioning his authority. I'm wishing I never got to come here with him. He's making it hell for me more than he already did in the hospital.

* * *

After only 4 minutes of the Half-Sisters arriving, the Bully and Geek emerged from the trees.

Andy dove behind Chris clutching him tightly." Help!"

"Calm down boys. You're alright." Chris spoke up.

"You're a pretty brave kid you know that?" Carl clamped a hand on Andy's shoulder.

"This one not so much." Hilbert pointed at Dirk's soiled trousers." Bwahaha!"

Dirk got red in the face and kicked Hilbert in the nards.

"Mommy!" Hilbert sank to the ground.

Chris then proceeded to explain the situation for the final time, much to his relief and the boys looked to be both happy and upset at the news.

"So we're in last? Oh man, I thought we were doing well." Andy whined.

"It's not over yet boys, let's see those cherries of yours." Chris calmed.

They handed their crumpled box containing a few smashed cherries but mostly red ones with some green ones.

"It's not as bad as some of the other teams but some of these are smashed so you'll get a 10 minute penalty." Chris judged.

"A penalty? Is that how bad we suck?" Andy wailed.

Chris was grinning, the other teams waiting for them did not get told of how long the Bully and Geek had to wait and he kept it that way until he told each team to pass through. First the Cosplayers who only had two more minutes to wait got 8th. Not long after them, the Husband and Mother-In-Law ended in 9th. The Half-Sisters were terrified of the penalty being larger than the Bully and Geek's. Helen knew she was safe, it was only a matter of placement. After some time passed, Chris spoke up.

"Alright, there are only 4 minutes till the Cat Lady and Cat's time is up, and 7 till the Half-Sisters are out of penalty." Chris announced.

"Did we have to wait so long? You knew the order this whole time, just put us out of our misery." Dirk frowned.

"Rotten kid, fine." Chris huffed." The Bully and Geek's time is up and they claim 10th place."

"Wait.." Maya paled." That means…"

"Yup, the Cat Lady and Cat get 11th and are the last team safe to compete in the next leg." Chris continued." That means, Half-Sisters, your time in the race is over."

"Nooo!" Mandy bawled." We went from 3rd to last."

"But that's not fair, we came here before those two kids." Maya argued.

"Following race instructions is what decides what is fair." Chris shrugged.

"This is all your fault with your stupid crush on that idiot and then you had to go all emo on me. You suck!" Mandy turned her anger on her sister.

"Hey! Lay off, I'm having a bad day as it is, don't need you to make it worse." Maya sobbed.

"Sorry girls, it is what it is." Chris ended.

* * *

 **Elimination Montage**

* * *

"What a horrible day from start to finish." Maya voiced as scenes of their best moments on the race were shown.

"I know right!?" Mandy agreed." At least it was better than the day we had in the Maldives. Well not really."

"Hey! That day was amazing. The really sucky day was the desert leg day, now that one was God awful." Maya told.

"We did come in third there so I enjoyed it." Mandy debated." Do you think we're gonna get a lot of hype back home?"

"I don't know, I'm hoping for some hot guys to recognize us." Maya said.

"You're a lost cause." Mandy sighed.

* * *

 **Team Placements**

 **1** **st** **:** Clown and Mime

 **2** **nd** **:** Lawyers

 **3** **rd** **:** Gypsies

 **4** **th** **:** Neighbors

 **5** **th** **:** Adrenaline Junkies

 **6** **th** **:** Doctor and Nurse

 **7** **th** **:** Pirate and First Mate

 **8** **th** **:** Cosplayers

 **9** **th** **:** Husband and Mother-In-Law

 **10** **th** **:** Bully and Geek

 **11** **th** **:** Cat Lady and Cat

 **12** **th** **:** Half-Sisters (Eliminated)

* * *

 **Disclaimer:** I do not own the Grim Adventures of Billy and Mandy.

So that's that, the Clown and Mime are NOT in 12th afterall. The Half-Sisters ended up getting the short end of the stick. It was fun writing this chapter but I think it might have been too short. Hopefully the next location can provide a lot of stuff to write about.

See you next time, review please!


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